A piece of cheesecake for lilly0

[futurepm_mod]

Title: Seasons
Pairing: Sakurai Sho/Matsumoto Jun
Rating: R
Summary: Sakurai Sho takes a month-long holiday in his grandparents’ hometown. He goes there to help his grandparents and to take a break from his fast-paced corporate job. There, he meets new people and gets the chance to re-evaluate his life and his work. (I am bad at summaries. I’m so sorry.)
Warnings: Slow burn, homosexuality, minor illness and hospitalization (minor character), mentions of death, men having sex with men.
Notes: Hello lilly0. I took your Sho-taking-a-vacation-from-his-stressful-work prompt and modified it a bit. It is 33K plus words. I really hope you like this get-together fic. More notes at the end of the fic. Thank you to my beta-reader who really helped a lot. You’re awesome.
 

I

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1

Sho pulls over the first gas station he sees after exiting the expressway. He left Tokyo in a rush and didn’t check his tank. It’s 4:30 in the morning and he thinks he probably looks worse than the overworked part-timer in the station, who not only filled his tank, but also doubled as the station cashier and convenience store attendant. Sho gets himself a tall cup of hot coffee and a couple of onigiri for the road.

Sho takes a few minutes to stretch his legs. He savors the cool air against his face but he knows that he’ll start feeling the summer heat as soon as the sun starts to rise. He drives out again, taking huge bites out of his onigiri once in a while. It will be another hour or so of driving at his usual pace. At least he will see the sunrise, he thinks. It would be a beautiful backdrop against the mountains of Gunma prefecture. Nakanojo is one of the beautiful towns in Agatsuma, Gunma, a good 140 kilometers from Tokyo and a two and a half to three-hour drive. Sho is taking it slow, though. He hasn’t had any sleep and he’s siding on caution rather than speed. He will have to make a lot of phone calls tomorrow… no, later, he amends, remembering what time it is. But that is the least of his priorities right now. He recalls what the doctor said on the phone. His grandfather had gotten home earlier yesterday and found his wife unconscious on their kitchen floor. Yes, she had sustained injuries but she is generally alright. She is awake and charming all the young doctors and nurses in her floor. Still, Sho wants to see her for himself.

 

Yesterday, Sakurai Aiko woke up with the idea of making pie. She went to the local grocer’s, bought her ingredients and walked home with her shopping trolley bag clanking behind her. When she got home, she had her apples, cinnamon powder, sugar, salt, butter and flour all laid out on the table. She only needed her pie pan but it was inconveniently up on the cupboard. When her husband Mitsu-san came home 10 minutes later, it was to the unconscious Aiko-san on their kitchen floor.

His grandmother is 78 years old and Sho thinks she had no business standing on stools to reach pie pans in the cupboard. Sho loves pies but right now he hates them with passion. She broke her left tibia and suffered a slight concussion. She is sporting a bright purple-red knot on her left forehead and a cast on her leg. She has always been a small woman, but right now, she looks tiny on the hospital bed. Sho doesn’t like it one bit.

“You’ll scare the poor nurses, Sho-chan”, his grandma says as she pats the space beside her on the bed, inviting Sho next to her. “That handsome face is wasted on such a sour attitude.”

Sho fights against a smile. She still has it in her, the bite. Sho scrunches up his face further. He has to appear unamused after all. He sits carefully on the space beside his grandma, not wanting to jar the bed too much. He wants to scold her and tell her how dangerous it was and how careless she was.

Instead, he goes for “You had Mitsu-jiichan worried there for a bit,” as he kisses her brow. You had all of us worried, he wants to add, but that will not make her feel any better.

Sho feels her lean in just a bit into him and her warmth calms him, like it always does. Sho wraps his arm under and around her shoulder and leans his cheek against the crown of her head. Her short curls feels soft against his face.

“It felt like a good day for pie,” she says in a low whispered voice, all the while patting Sho’s knee. It is her way of apologizing, Sho knows.

Sho hums his reply and they stay like that until his grandfather comes in the room. He is carrying a plastic bag from the convenience store and a bunch of yellow flowers. They are Irises, Aiko-san’s favorite. Sho can’t help but smile as he watches his stoic looking grandfather arrange the long stemmed blooms carefully, one by one, in the vase on the bedside table. His grandpa must have given the flower shop attendant a hard time.

Sakurai Mitsu doesn’t know the names of flowers. He just knows what they look like because Aiko-san has them in her garden. And he isn’t particularly patient in describing things he doesn’t know the names of. When he is satisfied with the flowers, his grandfather pulls one of the two chairs in the room beside the bed and deposits himself there. He reaches for Aiko-san’s hand and strokes the skin beside the edge of the medical tape securing the intravenous fluid tube.

Sho stands up, gives Aiko-san another kiss on the crown of her head and walks up to Mitsu-san. Sho squeezes his grandfather’s shoulder and Sakurai Mitsu gives him a small smile before returning his attention to his wife. Sho slips out of the room quietly and goes to the nurse’s station at the end of the hall. It isn’t that he doesn’t trust them, but he needs to reassure himself. So he bothers them with some specific instructions that the nurses most likely already know or are already doing. They nod and smile, promising to make sure Aiko-san and Mitsu-san are comfortable. He feels grateful for how understanding they were.

 

“They are keeping her for a couple of days or so. No, nothing like that… Just to observe her for any changes.” Sho paces on the patio which wraps around half the side of his grandparents’ house.

It isn’t exactly the same house he recalls from his childhood. Some renovations had been done, the walls and panels changed. But they kept some of the traditional house features, like his favorite tatami room. He is glad they kept that room. And the patio, his favorite spot during hot summer nights like this one.

“Yeah. They did some scans and they didn’t see that much swelling in her brain. Ah, no. No, no bleeding. She has a nicely bruised knot though.”

Sho is talking to his father and mother over the phone, just to relay what they had already been told the day before, because it’s different coming from him. Because Sho is family, not a stranger, even if that stranger is his grandmother’s doctor.

Sho knows that it will take his parents another few days before they can leave Tokyo and so he tries to reassure them as much as he can.

“It might take a while for her leg to heal. Nishikawa Sensei said that it’s hard to tell because her bones are naturally weaker. Because of her age and such.”

“Mitsu-jiichan seems to be handling it well. But that was in front of Aiko-baachan. Haven’t really talked to him. He insisted on staying with Aiko-baachan.” Sho stops pacing and crouches down before completely sitting on the edge of the floor. He let his legs dangle down and lightly brushes his bare feet against the short leaves of the lawn grass. The light evening breeze felt cool against the sweat on his nape.

“She still gets sleepy often but the doctor said if the repeat scan tomorrow doesn’t show anything then we can take her home.” Taking her home also means Sho has to stay. For now.

The family had talked about it at length the night before, way until three in the morning. Mitsu-san and Aiko-san are getting older and there are just some things that they needed assistance with. His grandparents are proud people and they’d never ask their children or grand-children, but this accident is just another reminder of that fact.

They tossed ideas back and forth, back and forth. They didn’t really want to uproot their grandparents from Nakanojo. The family didn’t think they’d let them anyway. Both Sho’s parents have high positions in their organizations that they simply could not drop. His sister has her own family and a three-month old baby girl. His younger brother is in his senior year in college. Sho has his career.

One thing they agreed on was that, no, they won’t be sending them to a retirement home. At some point, his mother had the idea of letting her set of parents stay with the other set. There were a few seconds of silence around the dinner table before his sister cleared her throat and declared that “I don’t really think putting together a bunch of stubborn old people would be good for any of them. Really. I mean, that doesn’t even answer the issue of who gets to climb on the stool to get the pie pans from the cupboard. So…”

Sho’s sister has this uncanny ability to deliver her sharp comments with extra sugar coating. She probably took that after their grandmother. The thought of their grandmother had probably jolted him to say, “I could stay there for a while.” There was a voice in his head reminding him of the pile of paperwork and even more piles of presentations waiting for him at work. Sho ignored it and said it again. He doesn’t recall there being any real objections. His parents just wondered what he’d do about his job. Sho simply answered “I’m sure they’ll allow me a vacation. I haven’t filed for any the past five years.” They all agreed to it, and the rest of his family sent him off with hugs and “be careful and “call us”.

He still isn’t sure what made him say it last night. And now, a full 24 hours later, he still hasn’t completely figured it out. Sho just felt like he needed to move, to do something, to be somewhere else. He’d like to think that, with thoughts of his grandmother’s health swimming in his head, his impulsive decision was brought upon the beautiful memories he’d had with his grandparents. A lot of Sho’s unforgettable childhood memories happened during his summer breaks spent with Aiko-san and Mitsu-san.

Sho lies down on the wooden floor of the patio and savors the coolness seeping through his back and the backs of his legs. He recalls doing this every summer up until the last year of his senior high school. Sho’s summers had always belonged to Nakanojo.

Sho is the oldest of three children. His parents married for love and companionship, and he feels thankful for that. What his parents lacked in time for their children, they made up for the love they showed them when they were together. With both of them working full time jobs, there were times when it was up to Sho to be the parent figure for his younger sister and younger brother. Sho was eight years old when Mai was born, a child still. He was thirteen when Shuu was born and he felt like an adult then. He changed Shuu’s diapers more often than his parents did. He had been to more soccer matches than his parents had, but he didn’t hold that against them.

Even as a boy, Sho understood the motivation his parents had for their work, and more than the motivation, the passion. From a young age, Sho had already realized the weight of their responsibilities. And so, Sho took it as his duty to stand in for his parents’ role for his siblings. Although there were times when he wanted to be a child himself, if anything, the young Sho looked up to his parents. And if he could help out just a bit to care for his siblings, he gladly did it. Now Mai and Shuu are all grown up and Sho feels proud on how they turned out as adults. There are times when he looks at them and thinks to himself, “Not bad, Sho. Not bad at all.”

And so, for a few weeks every summer, Sho enjoyed his childhood in Nakanojo. In Nakanojo, he had his grandparents to act as the adults, and Sho could be a child with them. Closing his eyes, Sho recalls the cold sweet syrup Aiko-san brought out to them. And the rice snacks. And the stone-grilled sardines. And the gleeful laughter of his playmates while racing between rice paddies. And the stars. The stars had always seemed brighter on Nakanojo’s skies.

 

2

The next time Sho opens his eyes, they are met by the gray-purple hue of dawn. He slowly sits up and tries to convince himself that sleeping out in the open was worth all the pain he is feeling now. There is a crick on his neck, his back feels stiff and he’s pretty sure his ass feels a bit numb from the hard floor. He looks around and sees the red-orange skies farther out. He tries standing up but ends up crawling into the adjacent tatami-floored tea room. There he lies on his side facing the garden and makes a mental list of the things to do today. Despite the early hour, he can’t help but smile. It has been a while since he had the luxury of lying around to think about the things he had to do. For the past seven years, it has always been move and think and do at the same time. This, he missed this.

Thirty minutes more of lying around and a shower later, Sho’s stomach complains. It has been neglected long enough. Sho isn’t completely helpless in the kitchen. He knows he could whip up some eggs and toast, but he isn’t really up to it. He remembers the oyster shop four blocks away his grandparents’ house. He used to go there every day when he was a child. It was particularly popular since it served freshly caught oysters and that was rare in a rather mountainous town. He feels excitement build up at the prospect of grilled and buttered oysters for breakfast. He thinks he might even get some for Aiko-san and Mitsu-san.

 

There is the proverbial spring in his steps. The morning heat is still pleasant and he slows down to enjoy the view of the town. It is mostly the same from when he last came six years ago. There are more shops catering to tourists and he doesn’t really mind. Sho thinks that this is good for the town. There are a few shop owners already starting to open their store fronts, some older locals sitting out in their patios sipping tea. He greets them with tiny nods and quiet “good mornings”. Just a few meters more and he will be having his fill of fresh seafood.

Sho suddenly stops and the light feeling he had when he woke up vanishes. There is no smoke from the grills wafting out of the side kitchen; no steady stream of loyal customers with big smiles on their faces; no scent of the sea wafting through the open store front; no constant movement of the noren where a beautiful calligraphy saying “Ka(su)ki”1 was written. It was a cheesy store name and it wasn’t even a smart pun, but he loved that cheesy store name! Now, there is not even a noren! With increasing sense of dread, Sho looks up to see a large carved wooden signage saying “Hidamari (Na)Kanojo Café”2. A café? And it isn’t even a funny pun of the town name! A coffee and pastry shop. More than surprised, Sho feels betrayed. He is hungry and now he also feels mad. He looks at the wood and glass front door and sees the “Open” sign. His stomach is complaining. He’s starting to get a headache from the lack of sustenance. He might as well see what he can eat from this store.

Like a petulant child, he stomps to the front door with heavy steps and his reservations are assuaged by the aroma of fresh bread and coffee. He looks around and doesn’t recognize the place at all. Gone were the serviceable high tables and stools that were easy to clean as is expected in a shop selling shellfish and other seafood. Gone are the large black and white poster photos of the owner’s fisherman friends’ adventures at sea. Instead, there is a counter to his left with display stands on either side of it. Beside it is a narrow hallway. The rest of the shop is a mixture of bookshelves, tables and chairs. The tables are made of dark wood with round table tops. They are big enough for three to four people but most are arranged as two-seater. And the cocktail chairs looks soft and comfortable. The shop looks empty but he can see a woven basket filled with several loaves of freshly baked wheat walnut bread cooling on the counter. It is perfectly browned and cracked. He feels his mouth water and he doesn’t even bother to pretend he’s not hungry. He approaches the counter and sees a thin young man folded over on the stool at the corner. He appears absorbed with whatever he is holding in his hand.

“Excuse me. Are you open for breakfast?” Sho says while looking around the rest of the display. There are a few cakes and some custard and pudding.

The young man looks up from what appears to be a hand-held game then looks down again.

“Welcome to Hidamari (Na)Kanojo. And yeah, the front door says ‘Open’ but his is all we have for now.” The young man takes a fast sweep of the displayed sweets and bread with his eyes before returning his attention to his game.

Sho lifts his brow slightly and thinks that this is a rather unusual customer service.

“Uhm. And the coffee?” Sho asks, unsure really how to ask it.

The young man puts down his game, scratches his head and gives a sheepish smile. He stands to approach the counter table. Looking at him this close, the man doesn’t look as young as Sho initially thought. Sho sees some crow feet wrinkles at the side of the man’s eyes.

“Well, you see, I can make some normal brewed coffee for you, nothing fancy. Maybe add on some scrambled eggs to a couple slices of our freshly baked bread. What do you say? The eggs are on the house…”

The man then flashes Sho his megawatt smile, and Sho is unsure exactly why he is negotiating about eggs and brewed coffee.

“By the way I’m Nino,” the young man says with a slight bow of his head. “Our barista is a pain in the ass at this time in the morning and he normally makes the coffee,” Nino starts to explain. “Really good coffee. But it’s not worth the trouble to wake him up at this time. So what do you say I make the coffee and for compensation, the eggs are on the house,” Nino offers.

Sho thinks that he is willing to pay for all the items anyway but hears himself say “Okay” and watches as Nino’s smile widen.

“Satoshi!!!! Scrambled eggs!!!” Nino shouts towards the open door behind him.

Sho doesn’t hear any reply but Nino looks back at him like nothing is amiss.

“Please take a seat and we’ll be serving your breakfast in a while.” Nino gestures to the two-seater table near the window.

Sho watches Nino pour freshly brewed coffee in a large, oddly-shaped mug. Nino replaces the pot in the coffee maker, all the while humming some unfamiliar tune. Less than a minute later, Nino comes over to his table and arranges a plate of some hearty serving of fluffy scrambled egg, a tray with two thick slices of warm wheat walnut bread, a small jar of jam and a large mug of brewed coffee.

“The sugar and creamer are over there,” Nino gestures at the dark-colored ceramic miniature pots at the far end of the table.

Sho smiles up at him then stares at the spread in front of him. Sure, he was expecting oysters this morning and was just a tiny bit begrudged about the out of place café replacing his favorite seafood shop. But the coffee smells amazing and the scrambled eggs are fluffy and perfectly yellow. The bread looks soft and chewy. Yeah, Sho thinks, he can definitely forgive the unfunny pun of Hidamari (Na)Kanojo.

Sho didn’t even notice Nino walking away. He was too absorbed with the food in front of him. When he shoves his first forkful of eggs, it drags a low moan from his throat. So good. The freaking scrambled eggs are so good. Sho gobbles up his food, alternating between the eggs and bread and coffee. The bread has small bits of cranberries in it and the sweet-tangy taste blends well with the texture of walnuts and the malty bread. The simple black coffee has an earthy-nutty aroma. Everything is perfect.

Ten minutes later and his plate is divested of its contents. After the last bite, he sits back on the plush chair and feels himself relax. There is no café music playing and he feels glad for it. From inside the shop, he can hear the occasional bird song and sound of the town that has just about woken up. The silence is only disturbed by a soft thumping sound coming from the small hallway, and soon enough a man appears beside the counter. He is shuffling more than walking and Sho has to cover his mouth to mask a tiny laugh. The man is dressed in gray Mickey Mouse striped pajamas and Sho can see bare toes poking out of the edge of the pajama pants. He’s barefoot. His dark hair is sticking out in every direction. And the very creased, very baggy T-shirt top gives a hint of wide shoulders. He is wearing dark-tinted eye glasses and the frown on his face reminds Sho of the grumpy man who lives two floors down in his apartment building. And that is not a compliment.

The man goes directly to the coffee pot and pours himself a large mug. He then sits beside Nino behind the counter. Sho looks away, not wanting to be rude. He wasn’t able to make out the rest of the man’s features, but the image makes him smile to himself again. Sho hears hushed talking from behind the counter. He can make out Nino’s voice. The grumpy man’s voice sounded deep and just a little bit nasal. After a while, grumpy man walks into the door behind the counter. Looking from behind, Sho can make out a nice set of hips and ass. Sho takes the opportunity and approaches Nino.

Sho clears his throat before saying, “I’d like to take out one loaf of the walnut wheat bread.” Nino smiles.

“And two slices of roll cake,” Sho says excitedly. Nino positively beams. He doesn’t know how the roll cake here tastes, but it looks good and he knows his grandfather will appreciate it. He just has to hide it from Aiko-san and the nurses. And Mitsu-san’s doctor.

Nino prepares his take-out orders and places them inside a brown paper bag with the shop’s unfunny pun name on the front. Nino then rings in the cash register Sho’s total bill.

“So… was he the barista you were talking about?” Sho asks nonchalantly, giving the air of casual disinterest. “The guy who just came down, I mean.”

“Oh yeah!” Nino gives a tiny laugh. “Now you see what I mean? He is also owns part of this place and the one who makes the cakes,” Nino adds in helpfully. “Next time, come in the afternoon. Then you can taste his coffee and the blueberry cheesecake,” Nino pipes, holding the bag carefully and reaching it out to Sho.

Sho’s ear figuratively flaps at the mention of cheesecake. Blueberry cheesecake. “Cheesecake, huh? Hmmm…” Sho says in an unusually low voice. This café doesn’t need to know yet his obsession over cheesecake. Or roll cake. Or sweets in general. He still feels a bit sullen about the oysters.

Sho walks out of the café bearing food. He doesn’t give a second look back into the shop, feeling a sudden need to see and feed his grandparents. And so he doesn’t see a sleepy looking face from the kitchen side door watching him walk away, casually sipping his coffee. And that said face is smiling.

 

It’s the height of summer, it’s hot and Sho is sweating horribly. His soaked shirt has been taken off and set aside on the sink. He’s pretty sure his underwear is soaked as well. How his grandmother has been able to handle this chore at her age, Sho can’t fathom. He will never see house cleaning the same way again. Back in Tokyo, his housekeeper comes in once a week to clean his apartment, wash and iron his clothes, and buy the cleaning supplies and detergent. He can afford to pay someone to do it. He earns enough to pay for a two-bedroom apartment with kitchen, living room, veranda and a parking space.

But his grandparents’ house is different. It has a total of seven rooms, a kitchen, a bath and two toilets. Three bedrooms, one living room, a tatami room, a storage room and a general use room where the washing machine and garden tools are kept. He is done cleaning the bedrooms and tatami room, those were the easy ones. He is also done with the two toilets, not so easy. He is now in the bathroom and the scrubbing, he doesn’t like the scrubbing.

Mitsu-san is handling the laundry. Thank goodness for technology, they had an automatic washing machine. All Mitsu-san has to do is separate the whites and colored ones, and the light clothes from the heavy ones. Mitsu-san only has to put them in the machine tub, put the detergent and then start the washing machine. The machine washes and spins them, and after that, Mitsu-san takes the clothes out to hang dry, places a new load in and repeats the whole process. Mitsu-san is 80 years old and Sho won’t let him help in the cleaning of the bathroom or do some heavy lifting. One grandparent with a fractured leg is more than enough.

Being here and seeing how his grandparents live their everyday lives, Sho starts thinking about a lot of things. His grandparents are old and there are things they won’t be able to do as the years pass. Sho’s grandparents from his mother side live in Ibaraki with his aunt and cousin. The aunt never re-married after her divorce. On the other hand, Aiko-san and Mitsu-san, married for 56 years with two children and even five grandchildren, live together, alone in this big house. The house wasn’t really built with the elderly in mind. Sho is just glad they didn’t have a second floor.

And now, while he scrubs the grime out of the bathroom tiles, Sho starts to think of a lot of things. His job for one. He has already gone to Tokyo once in the past week, choosing to ride the train rather than driving out. He filed for a one month leave. Being high up in the corporate ladder doesn’t make it easier to leave work, but being high up in that figurative ladder makes it easier to delegate work and negotiate with the bosses. Sho knows he’ll have to think about that later as he splashes the floor with a pail-full of water to wash away the suds. The floor sparkles and the accomplishment he feels is something Sho hasn’t felt in a while.

Sho finds his grandparents in the living room sipping cold tea. Aiko-san has her casted leg elevated on an ottoman. Mitsu-san is beside her on the couch. Sho gets a glass of cold tea and revels at the refreshing taste. His grandmother is due her check-up and physical therapy session in two days. Tomorrow, his parents and siblings are coming over from Tokyo. That is the reason for the cleaning spree. Sho still has to buy some food to stock up the fridge and cupboards. He’ll do that in the afternoon.

After some quiet with cold tea and biscuits, Mitsu-san prepares them lunch. Aiko-san refuses not to do anything and insists that she can very well chop some vegetables while sitting down. Sho and Mitsu-san don’t argue. It is a simple fare of rice, fried fish, miso soup and pickled vegetables. After months of living off on take-out food, this tastes like heaven for Sho. His apartment kitchen was hardly used.

“Have you been back to Jun’s shop?” Aiko-san asks with a smile, directing her gaze to Sho.

“Jun?”

“Oh! So you didn’t get to meet him?” Aiko-san tries to sound surprised but Sho suspects it isn’t the case. “Jun owns the café in town. He makes some really nice cakes and pudding,” Aiko-san continues while picking pickled cucumber out of her plate. “He’s a good young man.”

“You mean the Hidamari (Na)Kanojo?”

“Ah yes, that! We hardly call it that though. We just call it Jun’s place.”

Sho nods and thinks that he might as well get some cake there this afternoon. The roll cake was delicious. He won’t say it out loud but it was the best he’s had.

Sho loves cakes. Well, he generally loves food and likes to eat but there are two things that he cannot live without: shellfish and cakes. In Sho’s book, these two things are his definition of heaven. Those times he spent an entire summer here in Nakanojo, when he stuffed his face every day with oysters, cemented his eternal love for shellfish. But cakes were something he only had the opportunity to truly appreciate when he reached his thirties. Sho sometimes thinks that he had to become mature enough to acknowledge the wonders of cakes. He refuses to address the worried stares his mother, and perhaps everyone in his family, sometimes give him, accompanied by light mutters about getting old and blood sugar and diabetes. Nope, he didn’t hear anything at all. Of course he isn’t all that reckless about his health. Contrary to what they think, he doesn’t stuff himself silly with cakes every day. That’s for meat and shellfish. Cakes are for weekends and for days he thinks he did a great job. And for days he didn’t do very well. That’s reasonable enough, Sho thinks.

He did a good job with cleaning the house today. That for Sho is cause to celebrate with cake. He tells himself that it isn’t out of curiosity that he wants to go back.

Mid-afternoon finds Sho walking up to Hidamari (Na)Kanojo. He left his grandparents taking their afternoon nap. The sun is happily up, set on giving him a good sunburn. He chose to be casual in his white T-shirt, knee-length shorts and slippers. The sweat that beaded his back and neck immediately feels cool when he walks into the air conditioned café. Most tables are taken with a mix of tourists and locals. At a glance, he can see more cakes and pastries in the display cabinets and he gets a bit too excited for his own liking.

Sho approaches the counter and sees another small hunched man who isn’t Nino. He is sitting on a high stool and Sho is pretty sure he’s awake but the man doesn’t even move when Sho comes closer.

“Uhm. Excuse me,” Sho says tentatively.

After a few beats, the man blinks and focuses his eyes on Sho. He blinks a few times again and rings the service bell in front of him. Nino walks out of the door behind the counter which now Sho thinks leads to the kitchen.

Nino lightly taps the sleepy-looking man’s head and tuts. “Tsk. Satoshi, you’re supposed to man the counter not just be the bell ringer,” Nino says lightly, obviously not mad. Nino looks up and his smile widens.

“Oh it’s you! Good to see you again!” Nino greets him. “How did you like the bread and roll cake?”

“They were delicious. My grandparents enjoyed them as well,” Sho replies.

Nino nudges the man beside him. “You hear that Oh-chan? The bread was good, he says.”

“This useless-looking man here is responsible for the bread,” Nino declares proudly.

“Oh-chan” or was it “Satoshi” a while ago, gives a pretty smile and murmurs a ‘thank you’ as he gives a small bow.

“What can we offer you today?” Nino says with more energy than Sho thought was possible from the man.

“Ahh… You said something about cheesecake the other time?” Sho is trying not to sound too eager.

“Cheesecake it is! Today, we have blueberry and apple-cinnamon crumble. Which one will it be?”

Sho purses his lips. Sho is torn. This is hard. One does not simply choose between two cheesecakes. He wants both.

“I’ll have the blueberry for here and the apple-cinnamon for take-out.” Sho gives a sheepish smile. He hasn’t even tasted the cake but if the roll cake was any indication, he has high hopes for the cheesecake. He hasn’t been this reckless in a while.

“And coffee. Your recommendation,” Sho adds in.

Nino smiles a knowing smile and looks back at the kitchen. “Oi, J! Can you come here for a bit?”

‘J’ comes out of the door and flicks a look at Sho before looking at Nino, whose smile definitely looks wicked. As it turns out, ‘J’ was the grumpy man slash barista he saw the first time he came to the café.

“Our customer here wants a coffee recommendation to match his blueberry cheesecake,” Nino declares.

Sho stiffens a bit when ‘J’ shifts his attention to him. The man approaches him and gives a small bow.

“I’m sorry for these imps’ incompetence”, the man says confidently. One of the said imps throws his head back and laughs. Oh-chan snickers. There is some inside joke going on and it makes Sho more curious.

“I am Matsumoto Jun. You’ve met Ninomiya Kazunari,” Jun indicates with a tilt of his head towards Nino.

“And this is Ohno Satoshi,” Jun puts a hand over “Oh-chan’s” head, fluffing his already fluffy-looking hair. “Welcome to Hidamari (Na)Kanojo.”

Matsumoto Jun has large and deep set eyes, framed by thick and nicely shaped brows which makes him look intimidating. His lips are plump and jutting just right to hide a mole on his chin, right under his lower lip. With a rather small chin to go along his cheekbones’ prominence, everything melds together into this perfect proportions. Matsumoto Jun is a gorgeous man.

Sho is staring and he knows he is being rude. But he wasn’t expecting the “good young man Jun” his grandmother was referring to is this good-looking. Sho recovers after an embarrassing few seconds and bows his head.

“My name is Sakurai Sho. Nice to meet you.”

“By chance, are you Aiko-san’s grandson?” Matsumoto asks.

“Ah, yes, I am.”

“We heard she was in an accident. How is she?” Jun asks. There is an easy confidence in the way he speaks as though he is used to facing people. Strange that his profession mostly hides him from people, Sho thinks.

“My grandmother was very happy when I brought her the bread and cakes from here. She had mentioned you, Matsumoto-san.” More snickers are heard from Nino and Ohno.

Jun clears his throat and walks back to one of the shelves beside the door leading to the kitchen. He reaches for a ring- bound dark brown booklet.

And Sho stares again. Matsumoto Jun has wide, solid shoulders. The rest of his torso tapers down to a narrow waist only flaring a little on his hips. His arms are toned and shapely, revealing their muscularity as he moves about. His thighs are nicely thick and round, like they have been regularly used to run. Sho isn’t sure why anyone would choose such tight jeans for work; they look uncomfortable, but they show off Matsumoto-san’s shape very well and Sho is grateful.

“We actually have a list of our coffees and cakes, plus some recommendations about which coffee goes with which dessert,” Jun says as he flips the booklet open, pointing specifically at the one where it shows a picture of the cheesecake and the recommended coffee to go along with it.

“Since it’s summer, I would recommend our iced coffees,” Jun continues. “This one has very little added sugar and only lightly sweetened milk. It would be a good match to the sweetness of our blueberry cheesecake,” Jun says pointing at the picture of a tall glass of coffee.

Sho’s eyes trains to Jun’s hands and he internally curses. If Jun has a gorgeous face and an equally nice body, his hands are a whole world of beauty on their own. He has big hands with long fingers. His thumbs have this lilt which becomes more prominent as he points to the pictures.

Sho unconsciously presses his lips together. Sakurai Sho feels a little disturbed. It worries him – the fact that he has catalogued all these details of Matsumoto Jun in the minute that he has been in the man’s company. And they haven’t even gone past the usual pleasantries of first time meeting.

“Is there any problem, Sakurai-san?” Jun snaps Sho out of his thoughts.

Sho meets Jun’s eyes and immediately responds. “No, nothing. I was just thinking which one to choose. I am not sure… I suppose I would leave it up to you.”

Jun smiles and it’s the first time Sho sees it. The man shouldn’t smile so often, Sho thinks, because it is very disarming.

“Ah, thank you for letting us choose Sakurai-san,” Jun beams. “Please take a seat and we’ll be with you shortly.”

Sho walks to the same table he used few days before. It has a nice view of the part of the town where the forest was most concentrated. He watches as Nino resumes his post at the counter. Ohno pulls another stool and sets it beside Nino and quietly watches Nino slam his fingers on his hand-held game. Jun had gone back again inside, probably to prepare the coffee. What an odd set of employees and employer.

His eyes trains back to the kitchen door behind the counter and he tells himself that it has been a while since he felt this stirring of attraction.

Sakurai Sho is gay. He had realized it when he was fourteen years old. That first roller coaster of emotion for a sempai back in high school had changed Sho’s life. He denied it for so long, even tried dating girls from his class. Then he dated boys from other classes. When he went to college and met different people and different ideas and ideals, he learned to accept what he was. He started dating other men more openly, but he was discreet. Despite all the open-minded academic environment of the place, he knew being a homosexual was not as widely accepted.

The first person he told in his family was Mai. Mai had smiled and hugged him and whispered close to his ear, “I know Nii-chan. I’ve always known.” Sho cried openly for the first time in front of Mai.

The next person he told was his mother. She had stayed quiet for a good 15 minutes before she got up and hugged Sho. That time, it was his mother who cried and told him, “I love you, son.”

Sho’s father hadn’t been as welcoming as his mother and sister. His mother sat beside him as he told his father that he is gay. His father walked out of the room and didn’t say a word to Sho for two months. The next time his father spoke to him, the first thing he said was, “That time you were called to the principal’s office in senior high school, when you fought some boys because they were bullying your friend Tsumabuki… Was he your boyfriend?”

Of all the things he thought his father would say to him, this wasn’t in his list. It took him a while to respond. When he found his voice, it was steady. “No he wasn’t. Tsumabuki was just a friend. And he’s straight. We’re still good friends.” His father hums his answer and the topic never came up again. It was still awkward after that but it did get better. It took his father years to come to term with the fact that his first-born son is gay.

The last he told was Shuu. Shuu was the hardest for him. Sho knew that Shuu looked up to him in many ways and he didn’t want to lose that. Sho waited until Shuu was starting college before he told him. Shuu had been mostly quiet when Sho talked to him. But soon he was asking questions.

“What is it like? I mean…”

“I feel normal. It’s just that I don’t find women attractive. And that I get attracted to men. Not all of course but yeah, like that.”

“Hmmm. Have you kissed a guy?” His brother was blushing hard when he asked this.

Sho had looked Shuu in the eye. “Shuu, I have done things more than just kissing a guy.” Shuu’s ear and face had gone beet red and Sho had laughed his head off.

He never told his grandparents. Neither did his parents.

And now, here he is, 34 years old and crushing over a barista he just met.

It is Ohno who brings him his cheesecake and coffee, and he tries not to be disappointed. The slice of cake is slightly smaller than what he usually sees, but it looks beautiful. Jun chose an iced café latte for Sho, lightly drizzled with caramel syrup on top. Sho moans at his first taste of the cheesecake. It is simply delicious. The sweet blueberry goes well with the salty-creamy taste of the cheesecake base. It is rich and has a hint of sourness. It is perfect.

And the coffee. This is completely different from the one he had before in this café. The flavor is nuttier. It has a deep and strong taste but not at all acidic. He’s not well versed in coffee but this is delicious. The slight bitterness goes well with the cheesecake. Sho is unabashed with the sounds he is making. It is that good. He doesn’t care if he starts looking like a chipmunk with stuffed cheeks, this is simply splendid. He knows he is getting attention from the couple of tables near his, but really he doesn’t care. He’s here to enjoy his cake, and enjoy it he shall.

Back in the kitchen, Matsumoto Jun smiles to himself as he mixes his batter thoroughly.

 

3

Sho pumps his legs harder. The paths in this part of the town become steeper and he doubles his effort. He controls his breathing, savors the burn in his thighs and legs, the exertion in his breathing. Sho is a disciplined man in everything he does. If he chooses to do something, he’d rather do it with dedication. And that includes when he started working out. At first he did it to relieve stress. It eventually became a habit, and it resulted in a toned, disciplined body. He clothes that body well with tailor made three-piece suits that reflected the nature of his profession, but on days when he didn’t need to be the professional Sakurai, he’d rather don jersey pants and cotton T-shirts.

Right now, running under the late afternoon sun, he is clad in his usual work out gear and running shoes. He is soaked and he is breathing hard, but he likes it. He stops when he reaches the rest stop for the trail. His parents and siblings should be back in Tokyo by this time. It was a short visit but it made his grandparents very happy. And it lessened their worry, seeing Aiko-san with their own eyes, as sharp as ever. They arrived at 4:30 yesterday morning and their noise woke him up. It was a welcome noise. Sho had been having a very vivid dream of a familiar set of large hands touching him and he woke up with a wet patch on his pajamas. Thinking about the dream causes a slight stirring down below, but he ignores it.

He had been running along this trail the past week, usually in the mornings. His body clock still wakes him up at five in the morning and he discovered this trail in one of his morning walks. He is always alone on those runs but now he sees a familiar back already at the top of the trail, also clad in workout gear. In contrast to Sho’s jersey pants, the other man was wearing knee-length jersey shorts.

Damn it. Matsumoto Jun definitely looks good even from the back.

Sho approaches Jun noisily, making sure to announce his presence. Jun turns his head back when he hears the crunch of shoes against twigs. He smiles when he sees Sho approaching and Sho can’t help but smile back. Jun isn’t wearing spectacles today and it doesn’t lessen the appeal.

“Sakurai-san, fancy meeting you here.” Jun greets him first, wiping a trail of sweat at the side of his face.

“I have been using this trail the past week in the mornings usually. Woke up late today. Too hot to run.” Sho approaches Jun but stays a good distance. He figures he doesn’t smell all too nice anymore.

“I am rather averse to early morning runs.” Jun scrunches his face in distaste.

“Nino has mentioned that you are useless in the morning.” Sho tries to soften the statement with a smile.

“Nino talks too much.” Jun tuts. And Sho laughs.

Jun’s eyes lingers just a few seconds longer and Sho doesn’t miss it. Curious, Sho thinks.

Sho knows he is a conventionally good looking man. If Sho were to say it himself, his mouth is his strongest facial feature. But if he really had to be very specific, it is his plump lower lip that takes the cake. No, he isn’t a narcissistic man, he just knows how he looks like. Of course none of Sakurai Sho’s friends would hear these words from the man himself. On the contrary, Sho is rather shy about saying it out loud.

Jun’s a second-too-long stare makes Sho think. Is Matsumoto Jun checking him out? He mentally slaps himself. ‘Stop acting like a teenager for crying out loud, Sho!’ He will keep it at the back of his mind, for now.

“You have a very remarkable family.” Jun breaks the silence.

“Ah yes. They won’t stop raving about the chocolate cake and cheesecake.” Sho’s parents and siblings with Mitsu-san went to Jun’s shop yesterday after tasting the leftovers of Sho’s apple-cinnamon crumble cheesecake. Sho had pouted all the while, grumbling about it being his cake. Sho didn’t join them, citing keeping Aiko-san company as an excuse. He didn’t want to see the owner of the hands which haunted his dreams that morning.

And yet, here they are.

“My father fell in love with Ohno-san’s breads.” Sakurai Shun had arrived at the house carrying four large bags filled with Ohno’s different breads. He recalled seeing the walnut wheat bread among them. “I hope he didn’t buy out the entire stock for yesterday.”

Jun laughs. It’s a slightly high-pitched laugh. His big eyes transforms into half-moons and his entire being loses its intimidating air. “He actually did but he was very much welcome to do so. Satoshi-kun had to make a new batch for the day.” Jun looks pleased as he relays the bit of information.

They sit on one of the large stones near the clearing, companionably looking over the view of the town as the sky changes from blue to orange to red to purple-red to gray-purple.

“Why Nakanojo?” Sho asks, turning his attention to Jun.

“What do you mean?” Jun says without looking at Sho. He suddenly seems absorbed with the polished rock he was holding in his hand.

“I figured you weren’t from here. This is a small, close-knit town. People tend to do things similarly.” Sho looks away from Jun. He just noticed another moles dotting the left side of Jun’s nose and cheek. “And you are definitely doing things differently.”

“I visited here before when I was still in college. I liked the place and came back often during winter. When old man Nakamura-san retired and his son didn’t want to continue their Ka(su)ki restaurant, he put up the land and the place for sale. I just happened to be in the right place at the right time.”

Sho hums. Those words just drudged out other questions from him, but Sho feels it’s too soon to ask. Sho doesn’t think Jun is the type of person who spills his life story to a man he has talked to a total of less than an hour.

“To be honest, I was very disappointed to see your café there when I came back,” Sho says sheepishly. He sees Jun’s expression flatten. Sho continues anyway.

Sho leans back and braces his palms against the rock they were on, his arms stretched and his elbows locked. It accentuated his toned arms and he knows it. “I worked myself up expecting oysters for breakfast and then it wasn’t there. I was heartbroken, you know? I loved Ka(su)ki, cheesy pun and all. And no one prepared me.” Sho feels nostalgic all of a sudden.

“I ate there every day during my summer breaks here. They called me and my siblings the ‘Otter siblings’.” Jun laughs at this. And Sho feels glad he’s able to drag it out of Jun a second time today.

“But?” Jun leads him. Sho smiles his confident smile.

“But the food at your place is delicious. It was hard to keep a grudge while I was gobbling up your food.”

Jun beams at him. Like this, under the dimming light, Jun looks young and so unlike the barista in his café. Is this what Nino and Ohno sees all the time?

“We actually do serve seafood sometimes. Depends on when Satoshi-kun feels like going out to sea. And what he catches of course.” Sho straightens his back at Jun’s revelation.

“He disappears for a few days several times a year. And when he comes back, he brings all sorts of seafood. Last time he had a whole tuna with him. We were serving sashimi an entire day and other tuna dishes for an entire week. He says it’s to make up for the days we don’t serve bread in the café.”

“And oysters?” Sho says excitedly, ignoring Ohno’s weird logic.

Jun takes his time answering, letting Sho’s excitement wash over him. “Yes, there were oysters. There were blood oysters last time.”

Sho holds in a squeal and it doesn’t sound pretty. Jun laughs at him again and Sho thinks he rather likes hearing it, even if it’s at his expense.

Jun looks at Sho, his face suddenly serious. “What about you, Sakurai-san? How long will you be here for in Nakanojo?”

Sho averts his eyes. How long will he be staying? “A month, maybe.”

“That’s a long time away from Tokyo,” Jun says pensively.

“Yeah, but Aiko-baachan needs more than a month to recover.” Aiko-san’s recovery will be slow and Sho can’t be here those entire time.

Jun is quiet for a while before he says, “You’re a good man, Sakurai-san.”

Sho can’t respond to that, but it makes him feel good – happy and light-hearted. It makes Sho think that today has turned out to be a great day for a run.

They accidentally run into each other again the following day. And the following day. The fourth time it happens, Sho stops denying it – it’s his and Jun’s regular running date. They talk about random things; their conversation flows easily. Maybe it has something to do with their relaxed state of mind. Running relaxes Sho, makes him focus on his stride and breathing only.

Sho loves these private moments with Jun. Sho is a wide reader in matters that interests him and the things that are enough to spark his curiosity. Jun himself is a wide reader, with a much broader range of themes. This makes for a very rich conversation between him and Jun. Unlike Sho, Jun reads just about anything and everything. But also unlike Sho, Jun can abandon a book halfway if it turns out boring or just plain ridiculous. Sho thinks of reading a book as a commitment. He has to follow through to the end of it, and that makes him more exacting in what he chooses to commit his time to.

Still, Sho can’t find it in him to ask Jun about other things. Does he have a wife? A girlfriend? A boyfriend? Is he staying for good in Nakanojo? What about his parents? Are they here, too?

Sho is surprised by his own timidity. It feels so foreign for him. Maybe it is because Sho can sense Jun’s hesitation when the questions become more personal. But that is just normal, he supposes. They’ve only known each other a good one week. The only thing is that Sho thinks he may have not have time to get to know him later.

Aiba Masaki is already a few feet from Sho’s grandparents’ house when Sho arrives. Aiba has been coming in three times a week for his grandmother’s physical therapy sessions. The man has long legs, a lean body and a beautiful face. He is also very friendly, and his smile is always bright, Aiko-san is downright charmed with the handsome young man. She had been so excited in telling Sho that her therapist is a very handsome young man with a beautiful smile. Sho thinks Mitsu-san doesn’t need to know this detail.

“Ah, Sakurai-san! Just in time.” Aiba greets him with an enthusiastic wave. Sho answers with a much subdued wave.

“Thank you for coming over. Grandma is getting better with moving around, we might be able to go to the hospital ourselves next week.”

“It’s nothing. I love coming here. And Aiko-baachan is a very good patient.” The familiarity of Aiba’s endearment isn’t lost to Sho but he doesn’t mind at all.

“She’s too strong minded to give up on her therapy sessions even when it’s difficult. I am more worried about Mitsu-jiichan. He always gives me scary stares.”

Sho laughs out loud and pats Aiba’s arm.

“I even brought my father’s specialty mapo tofu but he didn’t even smile at me.” Aiba is genuinely worried.

“Don’t worry about him Aiba-san. He’s just very protective. He’ll warm up to you eventually.” Sho reassures him.

They talk a bit more about Aiba’s other physical therapy patients in the area. It seems like he has a lot, considering that a third of the population of Nakanojo are elderly. By the time Aiba leaves, it is almost time for dinner.

“Tadaima,” Sho greets no one in particular as he takes off his running shoes at the genkan and places it on one of the shelves.

“Okaeri, Sho-chan.”

Sho finds Aiko-san and Mitsu-san at the kitchen. Mitsu-san was at the stove, stirring something in a pot. Aiko san is seated on one of the dining table chairs, chopping some greens. Her casted leg is supported by the ottoman. The ottoman has been a constant companion for Sho’s grandmother. The wheelchair is put aside in a corner of the room. Mitsu-san can assist getting Aiko-san on and off the wheelchair, but it is Sho’s job to carry her and make sure she’s comfortable on the device when they bring her out to the garden, or for a stroll around the neighborhood or when she insists on going to the groceries with Sho.

Sho takes a short shower before joining them again in the kitchen. He takes charge in setting up the table. They are having mapo tofu, miso, gyoza and rice tonight. Sho tells them about his run and his encounter with Aiba.

“You are scaring him grandpa,” Sho tells Mitsu-san. “Aiba-chan thinks you hate him.”

“I am not intentionally doing it. It’s just my face that is scary. It can’t be helped I look this way.” Mitsu-san counters before taking a long sip of his soup. “And I don’t hate him.”

“He’s a good young man, Mi-chan” Aiko-san says as she reaches over to pat Mitsu-san’s arm lightly. Mitsu-san nods.

There is a quiet conversation that happened between his grandparents and Sho is glad to be privy to it. It is an intimacy that can only be reached after years and years of being together. He sees it in his parents sometimes, too. He tells himself that it’s only pleasant longing that makes his heart twinge a little at the sight of that closeness.

Sho deals with the cleaning up and washing. Aiko-san and Mitsu-san are sitting out at the patio, and he joins them after. It’s a pleasant evening, the night has cooled down the air and it was a welcome change from the dry heat. They sit and let the crickets fill in the quiet.

Soon enough, Sho’s curiosity gets the better of him.

“How long has it been since Nakamura-san closed shop for good?”

It is Mitsu-san who answers him. “Nakamura is older than me, you see. He’s been wanting to have his son and granddaughter take over but they didn’t have interest. Tried to sell the place to me.”

Sho listens closely. Mitsu-san rarely speaks much, but when he does, it is usually to tell stories.

“That place was old, and I didn’t have it in me to start business. I enjoy the quiet.” He nods and Aiko-san nods with him.

“Didn’t see him much after that. Then last I heard from him, he came here to tell me some young man from Tokyo took it off his hands. Naka-kun seemed relieved. He said it was a good deal.”

Sho sits thoughtfully. So Jun really is from Tokyo.

“Jun-kun is a pleasant young man. Doing something strange with that shop of his. All the fancy cakes and coffee and the fancy names. Must be how they do it in Tokyo… But he’s always respectful. Doesn’t make gossip around here.”

The last two statements seem to please Sho’s grandfather very much.

Aiko-san stirs on her seat and adjusts her leg on the ottoman. Sho immediately helps her shift around and receives a wide smile in thanks.

“Kazu-kun and Satoshi-kun are nice young men, too. But they only lived here after Jun-kun moved here… I don’t remember seeing them here before that. Ne, Mi-chan?” Aiko-san adds in helpfully.

Mitsu-san shakes his head.

“Such nice boys, though. Oh! You should ask Satoshi-kun to paint something for you! He makes wonderful paintings!” Aiko-san claps her hands, looking positively delighted. “He did give me one for my birthday last year. It is somewhere in the room. I should show it to you tomorrow!”

Sho can only nod and smile. It seems like his grandparents like the trio in the café. He feels only slightly guilty for trying to pry information about the café owner from them.

Sho is deep in thought. Interesting. So Ohno-san bakes bread, goes out to fish in the sea and paints. And Nino, other than manning the counter and brewing coffee in the morning, doesn’t seem very enthusiastic with the whole running of the café. And Matsumoto Jun. It’s hard to pin down Matsumoto Jun.

“Jun-kun is single.” Aiko-san blurts out of the blue.

“Huh?” was all Sho could say. Why is his grandmother sharing this information?

“The old ladies at the market told me. They said they asked Jun-kun and Jun-kun told them that he wasn’t married or seeing anyone. Isn’t it curious? Such a handsome young man.” She softy pats Sho’s arm and smiles at him knowingly, before reaching over her husband to signal him that she wants to go in now.

Sho sits there dumbfounded. If it means what he thinks it means, then one, his grandparents know, and two, Jun is single and his grandmother knows something about it. Sho starts to recall their conversations and the subtle stares Jun gave him. It does explain Jun’s interest in meeting him there every day after their run. But… Sho shakes his head and laughs at himself. He’s over analyzing it, Sho thinks. But he wonders anyway and let those bits of information swim in his head.

Later that night, Sho receives an e-mail marked urgent. It is from Takizawa. Takki would never mail him if it wasn’t important. He is needed in Tokyo, ASAP. He packs an overnight bag and tells his grandparents he’s heading out to Tokyo by car tomorrow. Sho sleeps in early that night and wakes up four hours later. By five in the morning, Sho is back in Tokyo, changed into his suit and walking into the company office building.

 

4

Sakurai Sho is a good planner, leader and talker. He has to be. It is his job after all. But before it was a job, it was a passion. But that passion seems to have slowly dulled in the past few months. It actually was one of the reasons Sho volunteered to stay at Nakanojo. He needed time to think and he needed to do it away from the bustle and hustle of Tokyo and his job.

Sho started working in this company immediately after he graduated. He also had his internship here and impressed the higher ups enough that they offered the job to him within hours of his graduation. And now, twelve years later he is one of the top executives in the company. He isn’t at the very top yet, but at his age, they are expecting him to be the CEO in ten-year time. Or less.

The company is involved in various business ventures. They own hospitals, private schools, textile manufacturing companies, department stores, food services. The company has its hand dipped in so many fields, even Sho is not sure how many. Sho is the executive manager handling their food manufacturing, delivery and service arm. His office is directly under the CEO, and Sho has over thirty people working in his department.

The past two weeks he’s been in Nakanojo, his assistant executive manager Takizawa Hideaki took over the role. Sho and Takki entered the company roughly at the same time, eighteen days apart to be exact. They climbed the corporate ladder together and endured the politics from all the older employees. Many of the more seasoned employees have questioned their rise in position within a few years after entering the company. Their circumstances turned the two of them into each other’s ally and competitor. Each of them would trust no one else with each other’s job.

The security officer bows his head as Sho enters the building. Sho knows his stride is different. He looks different. He feels different here. It’s as if a different Sho has been switched on the moment he stepped back on Tokyo. He gets off the elevator at the 35th floor and Takki is already there waiting for him. They exchange their good mornings and immediately walked side by side to Sho’s office.

“You have a tan,” Takki comments good naturedly. “It suits you. You look alive for once.”

Sho guffaws at the comment. Yes, staying inside the office from sun up to sun down had given him a very pale complexion before, but he surely looked well and alive even then. When they reach Sho’s office the air turns serious.

“Tell me,” is all Sho needs to say.

Takki hands over the folder files he had tucked under his arm. Each folder is labeled with the food chain branches they were handling all over Japan. They have a total of fifteen, most of which are concentrated in Kanto and Kansai area.

“The first incident occurred three months ago from our Asakusa branch, but it was not reported because it was not linked to our chain at that time. The victim was a 20 year-old college student. He recovered immediately and it was chalked up to nothing more than an upset stomach.”

Sho’s own stomach clenches when he starts opening the rest of the folders.

“We were only alerted last week when five elementary school children in Osaka were admitted in intensive care. Two were 4th graders and three 3rd graders. Severe dehydration, they said. They all survived but the link was made.” Sho feels more dread as Takki starts putting more folders in front of him.

“The lab guys collected samples from all the other reports from the different prefectures, did some analysis and they made a match to a total of 35 cases related to our chain.”

Takki hands him a different folder file, and when he opens it, he curses.

“It took us a few days to trace the source. It’s one of our employees in our Yokohama factory. He is one of the line workers involved in quality check and packaging. He tested negative for the agent when he entered our company three years ago and in the subsequent annual tests. But sometime this year, he must have contracted it somewhere and contaminated several of our lots.”

Sho pinched his forehead. His head is already starting to throb. “How many lots and which products?” He needs to know the extent of the damage.

“Around 2000 lots. The meat products.”

Sho curses and he already feels the tension knotting his shoulders. He takes a deep breath and levels a look at Takizawa. “Meeting at 9 am sharp.”

“Already informed them. The reports are ready for your review if you want to see them before the meeting,” Takizawa looks at him with understanding.

“Yes, please. And. Make sure there’s good coffee and breakfast for everyone later,” Sho adds before Takizawa can leave the room. “You can tell the floor secretary to do that for you. Have it served at 7:45.”

Takizawa raises his brows but says nothing, and promptly walks out of the office.

“It’s 5:15 am. I’d rather be out running right now.” Sho whispers to himself but opens the first report anyway.

Their department meeting lasts for two hours and 22 minutes. It is a difficult meeting but everyone is on the same page: they need to do something before the issue leaks to bigger media and, most of all, they need to do something before someone actually dies.

Some hard decisions needs to be made. A few people will get fired. Sure, they will have good separation compensation in their company, but times are hard for everyone in the country. Looking for a new job with the same salary might be difficult. Sho negotiated hard to diminish the penalty for the people involved and for the company to partially shoulder the medical treatment of the primary source employee. They will pull out all the lots released from their Yokohama factory and have them all tested. The other two factories in Hokkaido and Hiroshima will need to up their production and delivery to make up for the recall of Yokohama products. They will do random sample testing of their other non-meat products to make sure there were no other contaminations. All these measures mean big losses for the company, but they will survive it. The company is big and strong enough to handle such losses. Sho calls the PR department to draft the company statement. He tasks Takizawa and his assistant to furnish the consolidated report. Sho needs it in two hours for his meeting with the executive managers, the CEO and the board. He is not looking forward to it.

 

5

Sho needs to sleep. Badly. He looks at the wall clock and reads the time. He’s been up since two in the morning and it’s already 10:55 pm. It’s been almost 21 hours and no amount of caffeine can help him now. He needed to finish reports and furnish memos tonight. He has just saved, printed and signed the last document. He is going back to Nakanojo tomorrow.

The meeting with the higher-ups went bad but not as bad as Sho thought it would. The company agreed to his decisions and gave him stern reminders that steps need to be taken so it won’t happen ever again. They won’t tolerate another big loss like this. There were condescending stares from the older executive managers, but he ignored them. He didn’t care for their opinion at that moment.

When the meeting adjourned, the CEO, Ogura-san, asked him to stay. “You need to decide soon,” was all he said. This was the same man who mentored him as an intern in the company and the same man who offered him the job. Sho knows he owed him an immediate answer.

“When I come back, at the end of my leave,” was what all Sho could promise.

Sho gets out of his office and sees the rest of the floor completely deserted. Even Takki has already left three hours ago. He goes down to the first floor and calls for a cab. He doesn’t have it in him to drive anymore, thinking about his car parked at the 7th floor parking space. He’ll probably get himself killed if he tries, Sho thinks bitterly. He’s hungry and tired and sleep-deprived. This is nothing new to Sho. He plans to just get something from the 24-hour convenience store beside his building and then sleep. He doesn’t plan to get up before 10 in the morning tomorrow.

While in the cab, Sho goes over his e-mails and messages. There are a couple of junk mails and two missed calls from an unknown number, probably selling insurance. There’s one from his mother, saying he should drop by the house before he goes back the Nakanojo. Attached to it is a picture of his niece clinging to his mother’s thigh. Sho smiles despite the exhaustion. Sakurai Yokou has become a doting grandmother. There is another from Aiba-san saying that Aiko-san asked him to text Sho that they were doing alright and that Sho didn’t have to hurry back if he needed to finish work in Tokyo. There were several versions of apologies from Aiba after that, apologizing for getting his number from Aiko-san without telling him first. Sho’s smile widens but decides to reply to it the next day. Or better yet, call.

Then there is another message from an unknown number. It is a picture of a sunset. Looking closer, it was from the running trail clearing. Sho’s heart beats faster and he knows the message is from Jun. No one else knows of his association with that spot except for Jun and his grandparents, and he is pretty sure Mitsu-san didn’t climb up the steep hill just to get that picture. There is a caption at the bottom of the picture and Sho knows that his expression is frightful, with his dark eye bags and huge smile. There is another message sent immediately after the photo: “I saw Aiko-baachan out today with Mitsu-jiichan. She gave me your number.”

So his grandmother is out giving away his personal phone number, Sho thinks and it makes him smile. Seems like his grandmother is forcing Sho to make friends.

He reads the caption again and thinks that it is a rather odd caption to the picture. Very random. Yet it was personal, something Jun mentioned in the message because Sho shared the information with Jun: “Satoshi-kun went out to sea yesterday. I made him promise to bring some oysters for you.”

True to his promise to himself, Sho wakes up at 10:30 in the morning. And he is naked. He recalls sleeping in his pajamas last night but sees them now strewn on the floor next to his bed. Sho doesn’t dwell on it and reaches for his phone on the nightstand. There is a message from Mai, saying she got Mitsu-san a new set of chess pieces and for Sho to come pick it up and bring it with him today. There is another picture message from his mother, this time of his father with Sho’s tiny niece sleeping on his chest. It is cute and adorable.

Sho composes his replies to both his mother and sister. He wants to call Aiba but thinks against it, seeing how he’s probably at the hospital attending to his patients. Sho decides to send him a text message instead, thanking him and assuring him that no apologies were needed, then inviting him over for beers with Mitsu-san.

Sho opens Jun’s message again and it stirs something in Sho. Memories of Jun’s eyes and smiles and Jun’s hands results in some tenting of the blanket over his crotch. Sho closes his eyes and throws his arm over his face. This is embarrassing, Sho thinks. He opts to get up and proceed with his morning routine. He needs to get his car from the company parking lot and then run some errands. He wants to be back at Nakanojo before night fall. He’ll think about what to reply to Jun later.

 

Later ends up not happening. Sho realizes he hasn’t replied to Jun when he is already parked outside Hidamari (Na)Kanojo. It’s not that Sho forgot to reply. He did try, several times, in fact. He found himself typing and deleting his replies. And then too soon, he finds himself here, sitting in his car and staring at Jun through the kitchen’s side window. Thirty minutes pass and Sho decides he’s acted like a creep long enough. He gets out of the car and almost falls on his face. Sho catches himself with his hands and knees and tries to ignore the sharp pain on his palms. Seems like the long drive made his legs numb, and this is rather embarrassing. Some of the café patrons are staring at him through the windows. And from his periphery, he makes out a figure running towards him.

“Sakurai-san! Are you alright?” It is Jun and he sounds worried.

“Nothing hurt except my pride,” Sho utters while Jun tries to help him up and fails. Sho sits on the pavement, starting to feel the pins and needles running up his feet and legs.

“My legs have gone numb. I just need to…” Sho winces and when Jun starts massaging his legs and thighs, a small grunt comes out of his throat.

This isn’t what Sho had envisioned his visit to the café would turn out to be, but it’s not exactly going bad. Jun has skilled hands, massaging away the numbness and inadvertently awakening something else. Sho is torn between pulling away and scooting closer to Jun. And they are sitting on the ground, out on the open, outside Jun’s café.

“I think it’s better now.” Sho stops Jun’s hand.

Jun looks up and sees Sho’s unreadable expression. He slowly pulls away to sit on his haunches but he’s still looking at Sho.

“I wanted to reply, you know?” Sho blurts out of a sudden, unconsciously pouting when Jun just laughs.

“Let’s get you inside. You’re making my store front look unattractive,” Jun says jokingly.

Jun reaches for Sho’s wrist instead of his hands, seeing a few bleeding cuts over the palms. “We need to get those cuts cleaned.”

Sho pushes himself up with Jun’s help and hears his knees pop when he stands up. This draws out a quiet laugh from Jun and Sho uncovers a sobering fact. He came here first thinking that he needed to apologize for not replying. But more than that, he badly wanted to hear Jun’s laugh. Sho tries to mask this new realization by blabbering about lack of sleep and driving and the mountain deer he saw along the highway.

They use the kitchen side door, not wanting to attract more attention. This is the first time Sho sees the inside of this part of the café. The kitchen is roughly divided into three areas. The side nearest the door leading to the main café is probably where all the coffee making takes place, Sho thinks. He sees several coffee drips and what looks like a grinder. There is an espresso machine and some other things Sho doesn’t know the names of but he is sure he had seen in Starbucks before.

Farthest from the door is the bread and cakes area. He sees measuring cups and bowls and more bowls and rolling pins among other things. The one nearest the kitchen window is probably a general cooking area. There is a four burner gas stove and beside it is a rack with cooking pans and knives. He sees the makings of a sandwich on the counter near the stove and reckons that’s what Jun was working on when Sho fell.

Jun sees him eyeing the sandwich and says, “You can eat after we clean up those cuts. I’ll make you something.”

Sho intended to reject the offer but nods instead. He is hungry. It’s already five in the afternoon and the last thing he ate was half of his sister’s cheesecake. That was almost six hours ago.

Jun is being so kind. He expected Jun to be cold, but that intimidating face really doesn’t match the personality behind it. What surprises Sho is when Jun pulls him out of the door leading to the main café and into the small hallway beside the counter. Sho sees Nino’s hunched form perk up and then his brows raised in question.

“Nino, I’ll be up for a bit. Just call me when I’m needed here. We won’t take long,” Jun says this as if it was the most normal thing, dragging Sho “up” somewhere.

Nino is now smiling and it looks absolutely mischievous. “No problem Jun-pon. Take your time.”

It is a very short hallway actually, and wide enough only for two people side by side. There is a short stairway at the end of the hallway, and that’s where Jun leads Sho up. Jun leads the way, giving Sho an unobstructed view of his ass and thighs clad in thin linen pants; pants which are hugging Jun’s form very nicely. Sho curses under his breath. Jun is either very aware of his effect on people and is showing off or has no self-awareness of how he looks and doesn’t care what people see.

When they emerge from the stairway, there is another door a couple of meters from the top of the steps. Jun opens the door and it looks like they are in his private rooms. The walls are painted a light shade of blue, almost near white. To his far right and back, he can see a king size bed partially obscured by a wide five-layered bookcase. And just like all the bookshelves on the main café floor, this one is also filled with books. There is a closet lining the wall near the bed. Jun moves to the left and reaches up to one of the cupboards on what appears to be a mini kitchen. There is a two-burner electric stove, a drying rack with some plates and a mug. There is also a one-door refrigerator and a square table with four wooden chairs. Jun places a first aid kit on the table and gestures Sho to come closer.

Jun points him quietly to the sink and Sho mans up and washes his cuts with soap and water. He’s proud that he didn’t flinch. It hurts a lot more than he thought it would. Jun grabs a terrycloth and gingerly dries Sho’s palms. Sho is sure he can do it himself, but he likes the feel of Jun’s warm hands around his. This close, he can see Jun’s long lashes and smell his perfume. It is light and just a little citrus-like. He wonders if he can catch more of that scent if he angles his head closer to Jun’s neck. But he won’t. Normal people don’t just sniff other people randomly.

“Sit,” Jun instructs Sho.

Sho sits down carefully, finding it difficult with his bruised knees. Jun takes the chair beside him and rummages through his first aid kit. Jun brings out some cotton and bottles of antiseptic, and Sho can only watch. Sho has no issues with blood and cuts and medical treatment. It’s just that he’s not too good when it is on himself. Sensing Sho’s apprehension, Jun carefully applies disinfectant on the cuts.

Jun tries to distract Sho by saying that it’s nothing serious but will probably hurt when it gets wet. Sho is not relieved.

“So,” Jun breaks the silence. “You said about intending to reply?” Jun moves to clean Sho’s other palm.

“I did. Just that I typed and erased, typed and erased, and then I got here and the window for replying passed,” Sho reasons, looking at Jun’s bent head, catching glimpses of his long lashes.

“What was it that you typed and erased and never sent?” Jun reaches for the plastic strips. He then proceeds to cover the bigger cuts with the strips.

This morning, Sho had started to type ‘That is very sweet and thoughtful of you’ and immediately deleted it. Later he typed, ‘I think you miss me’ and immediately deleted that, too. It embarrasses him just thinking about that. The third time, he typed ‘I am on my way back.’ He almost sent that message. He had typed it when he arrived in Gunma, but then the innocent deer crossed the road and Sho never got to press send. Of course now, Sho couldn’t really say it out loud, face to face with the man himself.

“Thank you?” Sho ends up saying.

“Are you asking me?” Jun replies, patting Sho’s hand to tell him it’s all done.

“No! I mean, I wanted to say thank you.” This time, Sho does look Jun in the eye. “For sending me the picture. I missed the sunset yesterday. You let me see it at the end of my day, even if it was hours later,” and Sho means it. And Sho’s hands are still cradled inside Jun’s.

Jun smiles, a slight tug that starts at the left side of his mouth and then spreads to the rest. And if Sho is not mistaken, there is also a slight blush at the tips of Jun’s ears. Sho immediately regrets the loss of warmth when Jun pulls away.

“I promised you food,” Jun stands up and opens his fridge. “And no, cake is not a meal,” Jun butts in when Sho starts to open his mouth.

Sho smiles and shakes his head. “I was going to say that you don’t have to prepare anything for me. I took you away from work long enough. I can eat whatever is on the menu today,” Sho clarifies. “And cake definitely counts as a meal. How can you say such blasphemy? You’ll hurt the cakes’ feelings!”

Jun laughs and Sho thinks it’s an accomplishment to see and hear it twice in less than an hour.

As Jun moves to clean up, Sho looks around and sees a doorway leading to a veranda. On either side of the doorway is what appears to be traditional Japanese shoji. Sho moves closer and notices that instead of paper, the wooden frame lattice was covered in frosted glass. A separate layer of shoji screen made out of wire mesh was installed after the wood and glass doors. On the veranda is a small coffee table with a pair of comfortable wooden lounge chairs. There are no potted plants, but the view is breathtaking. It is acres and acres of forest, dotted by a few patches of houses and roads. The veranda itself is not visible from outside the café or the nearby streets. It was strategically placed to provide privacy.

Sho turns around when he hears Jun approaching.

“This is something.” Sho looks out the view again and takes a deep breath.

“I had this part of the building built here exactly for this view,” Jun starts. “I figured I might as well live where the café is. More convenient that way. And if I have to, I can work on the cakes at night and not worry about getting home late.”

“That is practical,” Sho chimes. “You can sleep-in and still be always on time for work. Coz you’re always at your work place.”

“Right. Exactly, Sakurai-san.”

“Sho. You can call me Sho,” Sho swears he is not nervous. “You’ve seen my blood and cleaned my wounds. You can call me Sho,” Sho matches it with a smile and he sees Jun looking at his face.

“Well then Sho-san, you can call me Jun.”

“Jun-san, I think you promised to feed me,” Sho reminds him.

Jun smiles and walks away, already going down the stairway. “I have leftover lasagna from dinner,” Jun calls from below the stairs.

Sho moves so fast he almost trips on his own foot. Fortunately, Jun is already well below the stairs to see it.

Later that day, when Sho is already tucked in his futon, after a lively night of stories with his grandparents and a long warm bath, Sho goes over the events in Jun’s café kitchen. Sho ate his two plates of lasagna while Jun worked on preparing the cakes for the following day. He was occasionally interrupted when several orders of coffee came. They didn’t say much to each other. Sho was content watching Jun measure and mix and add ingredients and do his cake magic. Long after Sho was done eating, he stayed there and kept watching Jun. He watched the sweat dot his neck and soak the back of Jun’s shirt. Sho watched the flex and stretch of Jun’s body as he used it to create his sweets. He stared long and hard at Jun’s hands, saw their strength and remembered the gentleness. Sho kept looking and he knew that Jun knew he was being watched. It felt like a dance. No, it was more intimate than a dance. It felt like a foreplay.

Sho sighs his frustration and wills himself to sleep. Sleep comes much later.

 

6

“Choose the one which is still slightly firm. If it’s too soft, it’s no good anymore,” Aiko-san instructs Sho.

They are in the fruits and vegetable section of the market and Sho is the one doing the pinching. He has never been this thorough in choosing a cucumber before. Aiko-san still doesn’t completely trust Sho to do the buying of fresh produce. Sho can handle the usual dry groceries but apparently has very low standards in choosing vegetables and fruits, at least according to Aiko-san. Mitsu-san is three aisles away, haggling over the price on their meat for tonight’s meal. They are aiming for yakiniku.

Sho’s grandparents still refuse Sho’s offer to spend for them, even if it’s for the food that Sho will also eat. They reason that they saved money when they were able so that they can use it now. Still, when it’s Sho’s turn to buy, he doesn’t use the money Aiko-san gives him. He keeps it in a box that he plans to stow away in Aiko-san’s drawer.

Sho beams when Aiko-san approves of his chosen cucumber. It feels like a major accomplishment. Sho then puts the said cucumber in the grocery bag he hung at the back of the wheelchair. They move to the next aisle and Sho has the sudden urge to turn around. Of course he doesn’t. Aiko-san has already seen him, and Jun has already seen them, too.

It’s not that Sho is avoiding him, he isn’t. It’s just that Sho wants Jun. Too much.

Sho slowly pushes the wheelchair and Jun is kind enough to meet them halfway. Jun greets Aiko-san first, asking after her and charming her with his smile.

“Hello, Sho-san.” Sho stands traighter and he suddenly feels too warm.

“Hello Jun-san.”

Their use of first names is not lost on Aiko-san.

“We are having yakiniku tonight, Jun-kun,” Aiko-san states before Jun can say anything. “You know Masaki-chan? The brown-haired handsome guy?” Jun can only smile. Sho sees that Jun is too polite to cut in. “Well, he is coming over tonight for some drinks. You should come, too! Sho-chan has been hanging out with us old-timers for too long. He should be with people his age!”

Sho pretends it doesn’t affect him but Jun glances up at him and gives him a knowing smile. Sho is pretty sure he is blushing.

“And Kazunari, too! That boy needs to go out more. He’s too pale.” Aiko-san is unstoppable now. “Too bad Satoshi-kun hasn’t returned yet, ne? Sho-chan?” Aiko-san is looking up at him and Sho doesn’t have the heart to contradict his grandmother.

“Of course! You and Nino should join us. Yakiniku and cold beer.” Sho looks Jun in the eye, as if daring him to decline.

“How can I decline an offer from such a wonderful woman,” Jun directs his attention to Aiko-san but not before seeing the surprise on Sho’s face.

“I and Nino haven’t had the chance to talk to you and Mitsu-jiichan in a while.” Aiko-san preens. And Sho thinks this Matsumoto Jun, who is charming his grandmother, is as attractive as the blunt version Sho knows. And this is how Sho comes to the conclusion that he has it bad for Matsumoto Jun.

 

The elderly Sakurai’s household is lively tonight. It is filled with ‘young blood’ as Mitsu-san puts it. They gather around the dinner table and enjoyed the beef Mitsu-san skillfully haggled for half the price. It is good meat and Sho thinks he should learn his grandfather’s negotiation skills. The yakiniku is good and the dressing Jun prepared for the cabbage salad matched the meat perfectly. Jun also brought some pudding for dessert. Aiba brought the beers even though it is Sho who invited him over in the first place. Aiba thinks that it doesn’t matter who brings the beer as long as there is beer. Nino came empty-handed and defends himself that he figured everything was already thought of by everyone.

Aiba-san is apparently well-acquainted with Nino and Matsujun, another one of Jun’s nicknames. Aiba is a frequent visitor in the café. Aiba loves the chocolate cake and orders it every time he goes there. He says it makes him popular with his girlfriend, a young teacher in the town’s sole daycare facility. Nino snickers at this and Aiba smacks him jokingly.

If Jun is a charmer, Nino has Sho’s grandparents at the palm of his hands. Nino doesn’t even use honorifics and just calls Sho’s grandmother Aiko-chan and grandfather Mitsu-chan. They don’t mind at all.

Mitsu-san regales their three guests with stories of young Sho. Sho stuffs himself with meat to hide his embarrassment. He has never seen Jun laugh so hard before. But it was all fun.

Nino insisted to do the dishes and Aiba helps him. Mitsu-san and Aiko-san retire to their rooms and say it’s way past their bedtime. Sho and Jun clean up the table then proceeds to the patio, bringing more cans of beer with them. They sit there enjoying the late summer breeze, listening to the companionable quiet of the town.

“Sorry, grandma kind of dragged you here,” Sho breaks the quiet. Sho is looking at the beer in his hand like it holds all the answers. He knows Jun is looking at him now.

“Nothing to apologize for. I am glad we came here. And it’s nice to see Aiko-baachan looking well,” Jun answers. “It was a great dinner,” and Sho can hear a hint of mirth in it. Sho almost dreads Jun’s next words.

“So. Colored contacts? Really?” Now Jun just sounds flat out amused.

Sho chooses to play along. “You should have seen me during my last summer here before university.”

“Pray, do tell.”

“I was thin, tanned, had blond highlights, dreadlocks and colored contacts,” Sho says proudly.

Jun doesn’t even try to be subtle and outright laughs, his shoulder shaking from the hilarity. When Jun recovers, he wipes tears from the corner of his eyes.

Sho is glad his rebellious phase is this amusing to Jun.

“I remember Mitsu-jiichan scolding me the entire morning when I arrived with the dreads and contacts. Safe to say I stood out like a sore thumb here in town that summer.” Sho recalls the bulging eyes of his grandmother when he arrived but she defended him anyway from Mitsu-san.

“How about you Jun-san? Any rebellious stories from the past?” Sho is curious. Jun hardly talks about himself even during their post-run talks in the trail clearing.

Jun takes a long drink from his can of beer and is avoiding Sho’s eyes. After a while, Jun looks at Sho and with the smile back in his eyes tells him proudly, “I was the poster kid of what a good child should be, mind you.”

“I don’t believe you.” Sho blurts out.

“Such a cynic, Sho-san,” Jun tuts. “I stayed at home, did my summer homework, helped around the house. Well, that was in primary school,” Jun says.

Jun is enjoying this, Sho can tell.

“Then came high school,” Jun continues. There was a shift in Jun’s expression. It is subtle but Sho has been ogling Jun’s face the past three weeks and has pretty much studied Jun’s changing expression that belies his mood.

“I still stayed at home most of the time, helped around my parents’ store, crushed on college boys on their summer break, and crammed my summer homework two days before the first day of classes.”

If Sho hasn’t been listening closely, he might have missed it. But Sho is listening closely and he doesn’t miss it.

High school Jun crushed on college boys on their summer break.

Jun is now looking straight at him and Sho will not be the first to look away. There is a palpable tension between them. Sho’s mind is turning and his heart is racing. This is Jun telling him, and Sho doesn’t know how to answer. He knows he should say something, tell Jun the truth. Return the honesty and courage it took Jun to tell him.

The silence drags on too long and Jun looks away. Jun starts to stand up and Sho panics.

“I hated those college boys on vacation. They treat high school boys like kids.” Sho blurts out. It catches Jun mid rising up from his seat.

“There was this one time I went back early to Tokyo from my summer break ‘coz we had soccer practice. And there was this really cool college kid. Turns out he was a sempai from our school and he used to be the soccer team’s captain.” Sho’s words gushes out. He keeps his eyes on Jun’s face and watches as the hard and worried expression from a few seconds back, slowly softens. Jun sits down again.

“And he was so cool. So good-looking. And you know how the body just suddenly becomes more buff when you reach that age? Yeah, he was like that. I have never worked so hard during soccer practice as much as I did during those days when he was helping the coach out. I was really, really showing off.” Sho knows that this is rather embarrassing but he continues.

“But you know what he said? He told the coach that I, Sakurai Sho, shouldn’t be put in the first line up because I have no stamina. No stamina!?” Sho is all fired up now, remembering that unfortunate time during his first year in high school.

“He’s got acceptable shooting skills but nothing different from the other members. He’ll do as a sub during mid-game.” Sho imitates the unsympathetic sempai, deepening his voice and scrunching his nose. Jun starts to laugh. More at Sho’s imitation rather than the story.

“Ahhhh~ all those time I wasted daydreaming about him and me going on for summer dates. A long distance relationship we’d endure until I reach university. What a jerk.” It was all said smoothly, so naturally that Jun might have missed it as well. But Sho knows he didn’t. Jun has stopped smiling and is staring at Sho with his mouth slightly open. He looks unsure if he wanted to breathe in or he wanted to say something. They hear laughing drifting out from the kitchen and both things happen at the same time. The sound Jun makes is somewhere between a squeak and a whisper.

It amuses Sho to see this flustered Jun. When the tense moment passes, they realize that they have been staring and gave each other small nods and shy smiles. Something had passed between them. A confession of sorts, about an irrevocable part of themselves. Sho is neither purposely hiding nor broadcasting his sexual orientation. He doesn’t broadcast it but if someone asks then he’ll tell the truth. This time, Jun wasn’t directly asking him, but it demanded an answer nonetheless. Sho thinks it may have been a very big gamble for Jun. Sho wanted to return that courage and tell Jun that yes, he is a homosexual man. But it feels nice like this: to have it known and know that it is okay, to also be told something equally important and let the other person know that it is okay.

They hear footsteps coming closer and they settle in deeper into their seats, taking short gulps from their cans of beer. When Nino and Aiba appear, they are carrying more cans of cold beer and a bowl of edamame. Having the other two, they all settle into a light conversation. Aiba tells them of some of his more interesting experiences with his work. Nino tells embarrassing stories about Ohno who isn’t around to contradict him. Sho and Jun join in with stories about interesting people they’ve met.

When it is time to go, Aiba is drunk and is heavily leaning on Jun and Nino for support.

“Are you sure you three will be okay? I can drive you all home,” Sho offers.

“No need Sho-chan.” Nino is quite fast to drop the honorifics. “No point in letting you drive. You also had a bit to drink.” Nino has a point.

“Aiba lives near Nino’s place. We’ll walk him there,” Jun tells him while avoiding Aiba’s lolling head. Aiba’s head eventually settles over Nino’s crown and Nino is not amused.

“Oi, Masaki! Wake up! Wait until I tell Rinko-chan about this,” Nino says with a bit of a slur. It seems like Nino isn’t as sober as Sho thinks. Aiba calls his girlfriend’s name and rubs his cheek against Nino’s. Nino laughs and leans in against Aiba.

“We’ll get going now, before these two fall asleep.” Compared to Nino and Aiba, Jun looks very sober. He mostly drank water when the other two joined them. It seems like Jun was expecting them to get drunk.

They bid their goodbyes and Jun looks back at Sho as if wanting to say something. Sho stares back, but Jun opts to just say goodnight. Sho watches them, illuminated by the street lights, until they are out of sight. When he goes back inside to clean up their mess in the patio, Sho surprisingly feels restless. Or maybe it is because his mind can’t seem to forget what happened tonight.

The ping of a new message greets Sho when he returns to his room after taking a long soak in the bath. Seeing that it’s from Jun, he hurriedly reads it. Then re-reads it. Then reads it again until he’s sure he isn’t seeing things: “Come over on Sunday for dinner.”

It’s a simple invitation really. Just that after what happened tonight, Sho started to look at all of his and Jun’s previous interactions from a different perspective. He shouldn’t put any deeper meaning to this invitation. It’s just dinner – on Sunday night. And they are closed on Mondays. Sho hates that it’s only Wednesday.

 

As ridiculous as it sounds, Sho sometimes gets awaken by his own snores. And that Sunday morning is one of those times. It usually happens when he’s had too much to drink. Shuu arrived unannounced last night, toting a large luggage, and informed them that he’s staying for a week. He finished his term paper early and after pulling one all-nighter after another, Sho’s little brother plans to enjoy the rest of his summer in Nakanojo. And so, Sho and his brother celebrated with beer and chips. Too much beer.

There’s a painful throbbing behind his eyes and his head feels heavy on his neck. Sho knows they went a bit overboard last night; he can’t even recall how he got into his room. He crawls out of his futon and drags himself out to the hallway. The need to get water in his system overrules the need to stay down in bed. Sho stops when he passes by the tatami room and the sudden movement makes him see stars and he curses. There, on the floor, in his grandparents’ tea room, is a very dark, very much asleep Ohno Satoshi.

To say that Ohno looks tanned is an understatement. Ohno’s skin closely resembles a burnt toast. Sho is not awake enough to try and figure out why a burnt Ohno is in their house. He slowly gets himself to the kitchen and sees his brother looking bright and fresh, sipping his coffee and munching on a piece of bread. Sho thinks it’s unfair. He’s pretty sure Shuu drank more than he did last night, and yet here he is. Thirteen years make a lot of difference, it seems.

Sho grunts a greeting and gets himself a glass and a pitcher of water before joining his brother at the dining table. When Sho feels he’s human enough again to talk, he asks Shuu about their visitor.

“He came carrying that, said it’s for you.” Sho turns his head to where Shuu gestured. There is a small cooler box on the sink.

Sho asks what is inside but he pretty much has an idea. Shuu smiles and whispers, “Our favorite.”

Feeling just a little more energized, Sho walks over to the cooler and swears he’s going to kiss Ohno when he wakes up. Inside the cooler are fresh oysters and clams packed with ice. It must have been heavy, yet, Ohno brought it over.

He may not be a good cook but he can grill oysters. And Sho is having them for breakfast. The two brothers set about preparing their luxurious meal. Shuu prepares the small table top grill and Sho starts washing some of the seashells. Hungover or not, Sho wants his oysters.

When the shells start opening, they add in the butter and Sho decides to wake Ohno up. The man is sprawled on the tatami floor, lightly snoring.

“Ohno-san. Ohno-san, wake up,” Sho lightly shakes the man’s shoulder.

Ohno opens one bleary eye, grunts and then turns over. He shifts to a more comfortable position and starts snoring again. Sho thinks he looks adorable but resumes rousing Ohno. Ohno eventually opens both eyes, stretches his arms and gives a loud yawn.

“G’mornin’ Sho-chan.”

“Good morning, Ohno-kun,” Sho greets back. “Breakfast is ready.”

Ohno follows Sho to the kitchen and grins at the sight of the buttered seafood. It was mostly a quiet breakfast, punctuated by praises for the delicious food and for the one who brought it. Ohno accepts the praises and exclaims how awesome the sea is.

“So why do you live here in a mountainous town?” Shuu asks. Sho hasn’t really made introductions between the two people. For Shuu, Ohno is just the guy with the clams.

“It’s quiet here. The quiet helps me to paint. And I get to bake. I love making breads,” Ohno answers truthfully.

“And Nino-chan and Jun-kun are here,” Ohno’s smile widens. “Nino-chan was the one who heard that Nakamura-san of the seafood place was selling the store and the land where it stood.”

Sho is instantly alert. Sho has always just assumed that it was all Jun. From Jun’s and his grandfather’s story, Sho assumed that it was Jun who bought the place, spruced it up and hired Nino and Ohno after.

“Jun-kun hesitated at first but eventually got sold on the idea, and convinced me and Nino that moving here and starting our business is the best decision we would ever make.” Ohno laughs, obviously recalling some funny memory from that time.

“We were so scared putting all our savings into this place.” Ohno wipes the sides of his eyes.

“Eh? I thought it was just Jun-san who bought the place,” Sho doesn’t hide his curiosity anymore.

“Nah, we all chipped in but Jun had the largest share. It’s only our second year here but I think we are all glad we did what we did.”

Sho can imagine the three owners of the café gambling all their savings into a small, quiet town. Huddling together, planning and crunching numbers. Must have taken a lot of courage. Sho envies them.

Their talk gets cut short when Mitsu-san joins them. Shuu goes to help Aiko-san into her wheelchair and wheels her next to the kitchen table. Sho grills more of the clams for his grandparents and it seems like the most normal thing to have Ohno there with them. Aiko-san scolds Ohno for burning his skin and reminds him of skin cancer. Ohno only looks mildly apologetic and promises to be more careful next time. Sho doesn’t believe him, though.

An hour later, Sho feels much better after getting some food and water in his system. They go about the daily chores and it’s already starting to feel natural for Sho to do them every day. The sweeping and wiping and the occasional brushing and washing. The work load is lighter with Shuu around, but he will only be around for a week.

One week.

Sho also only has a week left here.

He looks at Aiko-san and is glad to see her trying on the crutches. On their last visit to the doctor and to Aiba, they told her she can start trying to walk around with the crutches. It helps her move around easier, but she easily gets tired on it and the material is heavy. Sho reminds himself that he needs to talk to Aiba about new crutches for Aiko-san. The doctor said that if everything goes well, they can remove the cast in four months, three months at the earliest.

That feels too far away. He only has a week left of his summer in Nakanojo.

 

7

It isn’t that it was convenient, it just so happens that Shuu is also there. And so Sho feels more at ease going over at Jun’s for dinner. When Sho arrives, he can already hear the muffled laughter drifting out of the kitchen side door. It seems like he came just in time. He gives a couple of knocks before announcing himself. Aiba waves him in while Nino shouts a cheery “Sho-chan”. Ohno is busy cutting a slab of tuna into sashimi. Jun is nowhere to be found, and Sho tells himself he’s not all that disappointed.

Aiba is adding some brown seasoning into a wok while Nino cuts up some of the ingredients. Sho offers to help and Aiba points him to the dishes and utensils that needed to be set up on one of the bigger tables in the café. “We’re about finished here Sho-chan. Just put those on the table.”

Sho takes the stack of plates and moves to the door leading to the main café floor. When he turns he bumps into something solid. And warm. And that smells good.

“Hi,” Jun greets him with one of his shy smiles.

“Hi,” Sho greets back, and they just stand there, with the seconds passing. Sho says “hi” again and it makes Jun chuckle.

A shadow of movement catches Sho’s attention and he looks back to see Nino with a smug grin on his face. “Need a hand Sho-chan?” But Nino wasn’t looking at Sho. Rather, it seems like he was talking to Jun.

Sho cleared his throat “Thanks, but I’m good,” and moved away from the two friends. Nino sees too much sometimes.

Dinner was a lot of good food, laughter and joking around. It was obvious that Jun, Nino and Ohno had a long history with each other. But there was no moment that Sho felt out of place at all. The conversation flowed freely and the topics jumped from silly to serious and then to funny. Jun scolded Ohno for burning his skin, while Nino laughed at Ohno’s pout. Aiba told Ohno about Nino’s date with his toilet bowl after their drunken night over at Sho’s place. Nino regaled Sho stories about the time Aiba went around the hospital for an entire shift with a huge rip at the seat of his pants. Sho told them about finding Ohno sleeping in his house.

Once the meal had been finished and the dishes washed, and Nino, Aiba and Ohno had said their goodnights, Jun and Sho set about closing the rest of the café. Sho was about to pull the switch of the lamp nearest the counter when a book title in one of the shelves catches his attention. “Kojiki!!!!!”

“What?” Jun turns to him with his jaws set. “What about the Kojiki?” There was just a tiny hint of defensiveness in Jun’s stance. Sho will never admit it but he finds that look adorable.

Sho clears his throat and slowly returns the book in its slot between a murder mystery novel and a Shonen Jump. “Nothing. It’s just a rare book to find in cafés. Is this your personal copy?”

“Of course it’s not. I have my own upstairs. That one is for the guests here, if they so choose to read it. You think it’s ridiculous and pretentious, don’t you.” It wasn’t a question. Jun’s shoulder has relaxed but he is still looking at Sho as if daring him to say otherwise.

Sho pulls the lamp’s switch off and then approaches Jun. He doesn’t stop until he’s close enough to see the light brown flecks in Jun’s eyes. “No, I don’t think it’s ridiculous and pretentious. I just think it’s unusual to see it among rows of manga and mystery novels. I myself don’t have the willpower to endure it. Maybe one of these days you can tell me all about it.”

Jun stays quiet, his expression now replaced with something Sho cannot read. “There’s a lot to tell, Sho-san.” Jun takes a deep breath before looking down between them. “And you don’t have much time to spare.”

Sho doesn’t know what to say to that. He won’t deny it. Neither will he confirm it. Saying it out loud now would make it all too real, that he is leaving soon. And being with Jun now, Sho doesn’t want soon.

Sho wants to say “I have now. And we have tomorrow. And the day after that. And the day after that.” But he doesn’t. He is not sure what it will mean to say it now. But he knows he doesn’t want his time with Jun to end just yet. He knows there is attraction here, yes, and it isn’t one-sided. Sho knows Jun feels it, too.

“Which one is your favorite? Among all these here, which one is your favorite?” Sho gestures to the book shelves around them.

Jun probably understands that Sho doesn’t want the night to end yet, and so he humors him and gets a thin manga from the lowest shelf. “This one,” and hands it to Sho. “This was the first manga I’ve ever read.”

“What is it about?”

 

There is an incessant ringing and Sho is roughly pulled out of his stupor. He opens one bleary eye and doesn’t recognize the ceiling. He tries to look around but the effort makes his head spin. He reaches blindly to where the sound is coming from and fishes out his phone from the pocket of his jeans. He’ll think about it later – why his jeans are on the floor.

“Nii-chan, where’d you put the car keys? I’ll take Aiko-baachan to the therapist today.”

Sho reaches for his jeans again and fishes out the wristwatch from the front pocket. The clock reads 10:12 in the morning and remembers his grandmother’s 10:30 appointment. “Ah, I’m going back now. I can drive…”Sho is cut off by his brother’s soft laugh. “Nah. You enjoy your morning over there. Is there breakfast?” Sho is not in the proper state of mind to answer his brother’s teasing and cuts him off with “Thanks, I’ll try to catch up later,” and promptly hangs up.

Sho takes a good long while to re-orient himself and recalls what happened last night. He concludes that he is on Jun’s couch, wearing a shirt that he thinks belongs to Jun. When he peeks under the soft blanket draped on him, he realizes he’s only in his boxers.

“Your virginity is intact,” comes Jun’s scratchy voice from a few feet away. The phone call must have woken him up. Jun is wearing an old tattered T-shirt and lose pajama bottom. He looks grumpy and murderous when he stands up to drag himself to the kitchen. In the kitchen, he starts to prepare a pot of coffee. He isn’t looking at Sho but he probably saw what he was doing a while back.

“I’m not a virgin,” is Sho’s comeback and a low rumble which iss probably an attempt at a laugh is all that Sho hears from the kitchen. His head feels heavy, like a hammer is pounding inside his head. He vaguely remembers being this hungover just a couple of days ago. It makes Sho wonder if he is turning into an alcoholic. He remembers drinking last night. Apparently a lot. He doesn’t remember coming up here to Jun’s room, though.

He wobbles and shuffles slowly to Jun’s toilet, where he makes poor attempts at straightening himself up. He remembers throwing up in the very same toilet bowl he is using at the moment. When he emerges, he feels more human.

Jun is stirring something inside a pot while he drinks a huge mug of coffee. The coffee smells heavenly and whatever it is Jun is cooking smells equally enticing. “And how are you not crawling on the floor hungover? You definitely drank more than I did, Jun.”

“I have an iron liver. And I also drank more water than you did last night. Here.” Jun pushes a glass of cold water into Sho’s hands and Sho felt like crying. “Aww… you care about me,” Sho says before taking a big gulp.

Jun stifles a grin. Instead he says, “Shut up and finish that water. You look horrible. You sound horrible. And you are decidedly the worst drunk I have ever seen.” Sho finishes the glass and carefully plants himself on one of the kitchen chairs. His head still feels a little woozy.

“I am not that bad as a drunk,” is Sho’s weak reply. “I just got a bit carried away last night.”

For all his gruffness, Jun is really a very kind and caring person. Like a mother hen. The image of a hen Jun herding his little chicks makes Sho feel much better. But he’s not telling Jun that. It will be his little secret name for Jun.

By the time Jun finishes his large serving of coffee, the soup is ready. Jun spoons it up into two bowls. They partake their breakfast on the veranda and enjoy the view and the quiet bustle of the streets that they can’t see. Jun’s mood visibly improves by his second mug of coffee. He’s become more talkative and less grumpy.

It has to be asked, Sho thinks. He has to. Because if he doesn’t, the not knowing will eat him up. So he does. “Did we do anything last night?”

One of Jun’s brow expertly rises up and Sho thinks that expression suits him really well. “I meant… You know… Did something happen?” Jun’s brow is still raised and he is giving Sho a lopsided grin. “Please don’t make this so hard, Jun…” Sho says in almost a plea. Sho doesn’t know what expression he is making but he is doesn’t feel normal enough to worry about his non-verbals.

Jun puts down his mug and shifts fluidly on his seat. “Nothing Sho. We just drank and talked and I watched you make friends with my toilet bowl. That’s all.” There was a shift in Jun’s tone. And Sho worries he might have insinuated something.

“Would it be so bad, Sho? If something did happen?” The question swings like a sledgehammer over Sho. He is not expecting that question. Sho started to say something out of reflex but then reverses when he sees Jun looking straight at him.

“It’s not that, Jun. Not that at all.” Sho decides to just say whatever it is he’s really thinking, not filtering anything. He can chalk it up to his hangover later. “I would really like for something to happen. I mean, have you seen yourself? You are very attractive Jun. Very.” Sho is sure his face has turned red. But he continues, “It’s just that… I’d rather that happen when we are both sober. I’d like to remember everything.” This is not a confession. This is definitely not a confession. Sho has to keep reminding himself. Later, he’ll dig up a hole and bury himself in it until he’s not that embarrassed anymore. He’s basically told Jun that yes, he has thought about wanting Jun. Sho is not going to feel shame for his desires, so he decides to just accept this turn of events.

This time, it is Jun who blushes and looks away. He clears his throat and continues to drink his black coffee. Sho doesn’t say anything. Jun threw him a curve ball, and Sho struggled to return that ball but now it is in Jun’s court. All Sho can do now is wait.

Jun looks deep in thought. The red tinge on his cheeks is still there but already fading. His expression is now more pensive rather than embarrassed. What he says next surprises Sho. “Thank you for telling me. Don’t look so shocked. People like hearing they are wanted; especially from people they equally want.”

With that Jun stands up to gather the used bowls and cups and heads to the kitchen, whistling an unfamiliar tune. It’s not fair, really, how Jun almost always gets the last say in their conversations. Sho adds it to his list of things that he doesn’t like that much about Jun. But that list is painfully short, with only two items listed under it. The other item in that list is actually nothing bad at all, and maybe in time he will transfer that to the long list of things he really likes about Jun: Jun has beautiful hands.

 

Something changes in their relationship after their not so ‘morning after’. Sho finds himself messaging Jun several times a day, and Jun reciprocates. The contents are random: a picture of a praying mantis Sho saw in his grandmother’s garden, Jun’s new cheesecake creation (which had Sho going to the café immediately), Sho subtly whining about the poor internet signal in their house, a photo of Jun’s recent book purchases from Amazon.

It’s not that Sho is a novice with the whole courting process, but he never had the opportunity to often go through that particular undertaking. Is this even courting? Sho is not sure, but he likes how it makes him feel, and they haven’t even kissed. Almost all of his previous romantic relationships took off from some initial intense sexual liaison. As he got older, those affairs became more mature and usually lasted years. Sho can count in one hand his past romantic partners.

Sho knows himself well enough to realize that he is somewhat holding back. And he knows why: he leaves in four days. He already has most of his clothes packed in his suitcase. If he thinks hard about it, Tokyo is not so far away; but Nakanojo is still here and Tokyo is still there. Is he going to seriously pursue this attraction, knowing that it might not be fair to both of them in the end? Jun likes him back, Sho knows. Jun practically confessed. But mutual attraction doesn’t mean anything by itself. Attraction alone does not make a relationship.

The message comes while Sho is looking over some e-mails and his grandparents are taking their nap. “I’m thinking about going for a run later.” There was nothing else. Sho isn’t sure if it’s an invitation to run together or something like their usual arrangement. Before he can type up a reply, another message arrives.

“We can take a new route on the hill.”

So it was an invitation, Sho thinks. He’s sure he has a goofy grin on his face but he doesn’t care. No one is watching. It’s okay to look silly.

“Sure. Want me to pass by the café?” Sho asks, the café is nearer the trail they usually take to their “meet up place”.

“Sure”, the reply comes in within seconds.

“Okay. I’ll see you,” is what Sho replies. He rereads them again. And it appears so innocuous, their conversation. But Sho knows there’s a hidden tension beneath their words.

A few seconds later, a message comes in. Sho hurriedly opens his phone, but it isn’t Jun.

“Are you available for a phone call?” It is Takki-kun.

 

He knows he is distracted. He feels distracted and even Jun has noticed it. Sho senses Jun’s intermittent stares as they jog up the last few meters of the trail. In 400 meters, they’ll reach the rest stop, their usual stop. This trail is much more difficult than their usual and it is taking a lot of Sho’s stamina to keep up with Jun. Jun is more, much more fit than he is.

When they reach the clearing, they slow down to a brisk walk and eventually a slow walk until they reach the fenced edge. Jun starts his routine stretching and Sho just stands there. Now he isn’t distracted by the thoughts in his head. He is now more distracted by the image of Jun stretching and flexing his limbs and torso in front of him. Sho tries to distract himself by mirroring Jun with his stretches. Granted Sho is not as flexible as Jun, he is still confident with his body and he mostly keeps up with Jun’s lead.

Sunset has colored the sky in varying shades of red and orange. Sho will not admit it, but sunsets has become his favorite time of the day because of Jun. The bright intensity of the colors reflects the passion in Jun, yet there is an ever pervasive calm that makes him feel settled. Sho likes that feeling too much.

“Care to share your thoughts?”

Sho turns his head to see Jun standing right beside him. He hasn’t noticed how long he’s been standing there; looking out into the horizon. “Sorry, I’ve been a little distracted,” Sho almost mumbles. This is weird even for him: he doesn’t usually mumble. “A lot of things going on in my head.”

Jun stands there patiently and hums a deep “hmm…”, like he knows Sho will talk when he’s ready – and Sho does. “I tend to think about a lot of things when I know I am going to do things against my instincts. Things I want to do and things I need to do don’t always match.”

“But you’ve already made your choice.” Jun isn’t asking. It surprises Sho how much Jun has come to know him these past few weeks. With their frequent and often short interactions, Jun has studied his character well enough to read him. It only mildly pricks Sho’s pride.

“Yes, I have. And it’s hard.” Sho is now looking straight into Jun’s eyes. He sees his own face reflected there. He feels the heat from their bodies, product of their earlier exertions; and maybe more.

Sho steps closer to Jun until their faces are only a couple of inches away. Jun neither flinches nor moves away. Sho first reaches for Jun’s cheeks, his thumb grazing the old scars there and he feels a thrill run through him when Jun closes his eyes and subtly leans his cheeks deeper into Sho’s touch.

He is in Jun’s space and he breathes him in. He can smell that Jun smell – a light musky scent and hints of something citrus – mixed in with a bit of sweat. It’s not unpleasant, rather, it makes Sho take another deep breath, angling his nose near Jun’s neck. Sho sees Jun’s eyes widen and Sho smiles. He is glad to know that he has this effect on Jun.

They stay that way for a few beats until Sho lifts his other hand and rests it against Jun’s right hip. Jun blinks and looks down at the warm hand on his hip.

“Is this the hard part?” Jun asks, his breath fanning softly over Sho’s face.

Sho gives Jun a boyish smile and shakes his head. “No, this is the part that I want.” Sho isn’t thinking now. He is letting instinct take over and it feels liberating.

Sho feels soft, plump, warm lips against his own and it’s better than his dreams have ever offered him. A soft rumble comes out of Jun’s throat and Sho pulls back. If Jun doesn’t want this, he wants to give him a chance to walk away, to say no; but Jun doesn’t. Instead, Jun cups his hand on the back of Sho’s neck and Sho takes that as a yes. He crashes their mouths again, pushing his tongue to taste Jun. When Jun responds, he feels the impatience and urgency from Jun. Sho groans and grips both sides of Jun’s hips, pulling him closer. Sho feels hot, the inside of Jun’s mouth even more.

Now it’s Sho’s turn to be impatient. He slips one hand under Jun’s shirt, snakes it up Jun’s strong back and touches bare, wet skin. Jun gasps and retaliates by aligning his body closer to Sho’s. They are both hard and Sho savors the heat seeping through their jersey shorts. Jun deepens the kiss and lets his tongue explore Sho’s. When Jun strokes Sho’s bare arm, Sho’s moans, breaking the kiss. Jun nips at Sho’s plump lower lip then licks it. Sho digs his nails onto Jun’s back and knows it will leave a mark. He returns the lick at the side of Jun’s mouth before mouthing the side of Jun’s neck and takes a nip there, marking Jun. He tastes a little bit of the salty tang of Jun’s sweat but he doesn’t care. Sho badly wants to mark Jun.

Jun grabs the side of Sho’s face and kisses him again. Jun’s kiss is addicting, Sho might not be able to get over this. When they pull away at the same time, Sho feels his heart pounding and he sees Jun’s rapid pulse – right where the skin on his neck is starting to bruise. Minutes have passed and the sky has turned more purple than red and the wind has become colder, cooling their heated skin. Sho pulls his hand out of Jun’s shirt and leans his forehead against Jun’s.

His throat feels dry and when the words finally come out, it sounded raw. “I’m leaving tonight.”

It takes time for the information to sink in for Jun. When it does, he only closes his eyes and buries his face at the side of Sho’s neck. Sho knows he probably smells like sweat and sun but Jun doesn’t seem to mind. When Sho whispers “Jun…” he only holds Sho closer. And Sho holds him back tighter, committing to memory the feel of Jun around him. Like this – their arms around each other – feels so much more intimate than the kiss they just shared. Like this, Sho never wants to leave.

 

II

---

 

8

Sho looks at the pile of documents on his table and then glances at the word processor tabs on his desktop. This is familiar territory for him – this amount of work and the long hours and the low level but constant sense of tension. There are meetings every day, all day, mostly with the board and executive managers. However, he finds himself often times drifting off, his thoughts swimming in memories and images of thick brows, expressive round eyes, full lips and seductive moles. And more than anything else, the warmth, the laughter, the conversations, the kindness. That last time, after their run, they walked back to the café and spent hours talking. Sho left at midnight, staying a little while longer at Jun’s place right before he left. Sho had called his parents and explained the situation. Shuu would be staying at Nakanojo the rest of his summer. They had already started talking about hiring someone to help Mitsu-san and Aiko-san around.

When Sho arrived in Tokyo, it was a whirlwind of funeral, meetings and reports. The funeral had been a long affair, with all the important people coming and going. Sho wasn’t sure why the CEO’s family insisted he stay with them throughout the ceremony, but he didn’t refuse either. It was a heart attack, the doctors said. The years of constant stress and unhealthy lifestyle finally caught up with Ogura-san. Takki told him that they were in a middle of a meeting when it happened. Takki also said that weren’t it for the urgency of the whole situation, he would have wanted to capture on video the expressions of the president, the board members and all the executive manages. It ranged from apathetic to horrified, to triumphant. Takki was the only one with the presence of mind to call for help. The secretary was hysterical and all the other people in the room were either frozen on their seats or just hovering.

It must have been a circus, Sho thinks. He is thankful he wasn’t there to see the hullabaloo but he regrets that he didn’t get the chance to say his goodbyes. Sho had liked Ogura-san. He was a businessman and a manager first and foremost. However, he was also like a father to him, and probably to a lot of the younger employees in the company. He wasn’t CEO yet when Sho entered the company and they had plenty of opportunities to talk. Sho learned important things from him and he will be forever thankful for it. Ogura-san had earned enemies and envious colleagues, but he also had earned more friends. Three months ago, way before Sho left for Nakanojo, Ogura-san had made him an offer. And the last time they had talked, Sho promised to give his decision when he comes back.

Now he is back, but Ogura-san is gone. His first day back, the President had called for him and assured him that Ogura-san’s offer stands. The position of CEO in their new branch in Kuala Lumpur is still his, should Sho want it. It’s the same offer Ogura-san gave him three months ago and the then CEO had been very patient, letting Sho make the decision in his own time. “There’s no rush yet, Sakurai-kun” was what Ogura-san told him. That was then; three months has passed. This time, Sho had felt the urgency in the President’s words. Sho knew he could no longer delay it. And so before Ogura-san’s funeral day ended, Sho had delivered his response to the President’s offer.

 

The weeks turned into months, and summer made way for autumn. Sho has kept his usual lifestyle but now there are the regular messages from Nino, Ohno and Aiba. Nino often sends him photos of cakes and pastries saying “You’ll definitely love this. Ohno says you’ll love this.” The message is often followed by a photo of Ohno stuffing his mouth with the said cake or pastry. Ohno sends him random texts about a new manga they got for the café. Sometimes he sends photos of Nino working in the café, making coffee, cutting the cakes and such. Aiba sometimes sends him selfies while eating cake, captioned with “Sho-chan!!! This cake is amazing!!” It all seems random and mundane.

But those photos always have Jun in them somewhere – Jun at the background making his cakes or coffee, or eating, or reading, his feet, his hand. Ohno’s random messages are actually about Jun’s new book interests or hobbies.

Not once has Jun sent him a message. Well, Sho hasn’t sent him one either. He wants to. He wants to talk to him, call him, anything that could connect him with Jun again, but he doesn’t know how to start. Sho has created a ‘Jun’ folder in his saved photos. It’s an entire folder of photos with Jun or Jun’s body part in it, and sometimes Sho wonders if it’s too creepy. Sho tries to justify it – he isn’t the one who took the photos. But if by some miracle, Jun appears in front of him right now, he will tell him that he misses him and that he has photos with blurry Jun and Jun body parts in his phone. He knows he can be this candid about his feelings, but for the life of him, he can’t find the courage to call Jun.

He doesn’t know what to tell Jun. Sho runs his fingers between his hairs when he thinks about it. It’s actually frustrating to not know. What does he tell Jun? About his day? About his work and the stress? Does he need a sounding board? Does he ask Jun about his day and what he has been up to? Does he tell Jun to come to Tokyo? Does he tell Jun to wait for him in Nakanojo?

If Sho will be honest with himself, he’d rather be Nakanojo right now – in Jun’s café, reading one of his new manga collections, sipping coffee, and enjoying just being there. But Sho is nothing but a man of his word and now he recalls what he told the president weeks ago. That thought brings him back to where he is – in his office, with documents waiting for him and an interview he is about to conduct.

Sho lifts the handset of the phone and dials his secretary’s local number. “Please call in the first candidate.”

Less than a minute later, Takki-san walks in his office, looking smart in his tailored suit and new haircut. “Good afternoon, Takizawa-san. Please take a seat.”

Sho knows there is buzzing inside their department, and outside as well. People are talking, people are wondering – why is Sakurai Sho conducting interviews? Sho finishes the interviews in four hours. He has been very thorough and detailed. He knows what he’s looking for and what the company is looking for. At the end of the day, he will relay his decision to the board and the President. And by the end of the day, the news will have already spread – Sakurai Sho is resigning.

 

9

Sho is sure he doesn’t hate the blooming Christmas festivities, even though it’s only the middle of November. But he knows he has a specific dislike for the cold. He thinks it’s unreasonable to make people do normal daily activities in near zero temperatures, but here he is. He grumbles and puffs under the thick muffler around the lower part of his face as he trudges along the crowded street of Shinjuku, with shopping bags in both hands. He likes to do his Christmas shopping way before the season starts. He has successfully bought all the items in his list, and right now, he wants nothing more than to curl up inside the warm comfort of his apartment, sip some warm tea and maybe get some ramen delivered.

Sho is about to take a turn on the corner when he sees a familiar figure. Said figure is standing over a display of stuffed toys across the street. He knows that shape – the wide shoulders and the tilt of the head and the way the figure stands with one leg carrying most of the weight. Sho knows that if he removes the thick navy coat, he will see those shoulders taper into a narrow waist and slightly flared hips. The man walks in the store and Sho almost immediately runs after him. Almost, because the law-abiding citizen in him doesn’t have the heart to cross in the non-pedestrian lane area. So, Sho jogs to the crossing lane and impatiently waits for the lights to turn red before hurrying across, earning some curious glances from the other pedestrians.

By the time he reaches the store, he has completely lost sight of the man. Sho takes quick scan and gets discouraged when he sees too many people milling about and almost a quarter of them wearing the same shade of coat. Sho quietly laughs at himself, it’s a mind trick most likely he thinks. He’s been thinking about Jun too often and his mind conjured up that image to temporarily satisfy his obsession. Sho dejectedly walks out of the store and smacks directly into a firm, warm, familiar surface. Sho looks up and sees thick brows, round eyes and prominent cheekbones. The rest of the face is covered with a dark purple scarf.

“Jun.” Sho says before he can catch himself.

“Are you stalking me?” came the muffled reply but the nasal voice is so distinctly Jun. Sho wants to hear it again.

“Jun,” Sho says again. The man’s brow rises and Sho feels unusually happy to see that look again. “Hi,” Sho starts again.

Jun just stands there, taking in the sight of Sho for a few moments before he sighs and takes Sho’s hand and drags him away from the crowded shop. Sho doesn’t say anything, keeping up with Jun’s fast pace. Sho thinks that Jun looks annoyed and maybe he has a reason to be, but Sho feels that he can be annoyed at Jun, too. But right now, Sho is just reveling in the fact that Jun is here, in the flesh, and not just some blurry background image in a picture. He feels the warmth of their joined hands despite their thick gloves.

“Where are we going?” Sho gambles a question. Jun is still leading them across the busy streets. People are instinctively stepping aside when they see Jun’s purposeful strides, and had this been a different situation, Sho would have laughed.

“I’m hungry,” is all the answer Sho gets. They are going through some of the side streets, and Sho thinks he’s passed by the area before but he’s not sure. His eyes keep drifting back to Jun’s back and the urge to plaster himself against said back becomes stronger as the seconds tick by.

Sho stops walking, which takes Jun aback. Jun looks at Sho and he stares right back. Jun tightens his hold on Sho’s hand and whispers “Hi, Sho,” in a surprisingly tender voice. Sho exhales, not realizing he has been holding his breath. He grips Jun’s hand tighter and robs closer to the man. “Hi, Jun.”

The moment passes and standing in the middle of the street becomes nothing but awkward. They start walking again at a much slower pace. He doesn’t care anymore if it’s too cold out to stroll about, he wants to slow down the time for the two of them. Minutes later, they stop in front of what looks like a ramen shop. Sho has never been to this shop but one could easily miss it. The place is small and hardly fits ten people. They take off their coats, gloves and mufflers before taking a seat at the counter. Sho stuffs his shopping bags beside his feet and they set about choosing their ramen.

They don’t say anything until they are halfway their ramen. Sho is slurping a chopstick-full of noodles when Jun decides to break the silence. “We have to work on our communication. I think we have a bit of a problem in that aspect,” Jun says in a voice loud enough for the two of them to hear.

Jun looks at him and Sho knows he doesn’t look very appealing right now, with his cheeks stuffed with noodles and some of the sauce dripping at the corner of his lips. Jun only smiles and shakes his head before chewing on some pickled gingers. Sho chews hurriedly and swallows, wiping his mouth with the table napkin.

“Okay,” Sho replies in all seriousness, fighting the blush creeping up on his face. “But don’t you think this kind of awkwardness is nice, too? Something unique to us?”

Us. Sho likes the sound of that.

“Yeah? We didn’t use to be awkward. And it’s been more than two months Sho.” Jun slurps on his ramen. Sho answers with his own. It becomes a competition of who makes the louder slurping sound and Sho knows it’s ridiculous. But, this, this is rather fun.

It is when they are at their second serving of tea when Sho answers. “I know how long it’s been, but it wasn’t just me you know. It was both of us.” They continue to sip their tea and when they are done, they both move to pay for their meal. Neither offers to pay for the other and Sho feels thankful that that is at least one awkward scene they don’t have to go through. As they are putting their coats, Jun whispers, “I know it was the both of us, that’s why I think both of us need to work on it.” Sho looks at Jun and gives a thoughtful nod.

This time, it is Sho who takes Jun’s hands and leads him. They walk for a few minutes, staying close to each other until they reach Sho’s car. Sho takes his and Jun’s shopping bags and puts in the trunk. Sho opens the passenger door and none too subtly urges Jun in.

“Do you realize that we just spent a full hour going through an entire conversation that normally takes less than five minutes?” Sho asks Jun. Finally settled in the car, they let the heater thaw their cold skin.

Jun merely fixes his seatbelt and says, “This is exactly what I mean.”

Sho knows Jun is right, but he just wants to get one thing out of the way. “I missed you Jun.”

Without missing a beat, Jun replies with, “Of course you did, but you don’t just drop a bomb like that when I am still trying to get worked up.” Jun takes a deep breath. Sho stares at Jun. He wants to see what has changed and what has stayed the same. Jun’s hair has become a little longer, his fringe covering most of his forehead. His face has filled just a little bit and it suits him. Sho thinks that fall suits Jun as much as summer does. He wants to see Jun in winter, as well. Sho thinks winter would suit Jun, too.

Sho waits but figures Jun won’t say it, and that is such a Jun thing, if he remembers how Jun was back in Nakanojo. Thinking about that summer in Nakanojo makes this moment seem so surreal. This is Jun in Tokyo. Sho reaches out and cups Jun’s face with his hand. He knows it’s probably cold but he needs to. Jun leans in to the touch and reaches across him to links his fingers against Sho’s other hand. It seems like he and Jun understand each other better with actions.

“Sho, I was really interested in you.” More than the confession, Sho is taken a back with Jun’s deliberate use of the past tense. “Was?”

“And when you said you were leaving, I thought that we’d at least try to stay in touch,” Jun continues as if Sho never said anything. “I didn’t know how to start. You know... getting in touch.”

“Jun…,” Sho tries to cut him off.

“And then Aiba and Nino and Aiko-baachan kept bugging me to come here to Tokyo and see you.” Jun’s voice is slowly gaining volume. “And I don’t even know where to look for you coz’ you never told me where you work! But that’s not an excuse. I mean I could’ve used Google, right? Or just ask. But then, that would have been really creepy! And that’s not the point…”

“I have a folder of photos with you in the background,” Sho blurts out, and he watches as Jun’s eyes widen in shock. “In my phone. It’s creepy, I know. But everyone kept sending me photos with ‘grainy Jun image’ in the background and I just never deleted them. Sometimes they’re your body parts… I mean hand, feet, back of your head…”

Jun’s face is getting redder by the moment and Sho is worried that he will bolt out of the car, so he fastens his seatbelt and drives out of the parking building. Jun hasn’t said anything yet. Sho isn’t sure this is the right timing to say it but Jun was talking about being creepy and all, and Sho had the urge to get it out of his system.

Sho breaks the silence. “Coz you said that it would be creepy if you Googled me and I was actually trying to say that it’s not so creepy. Yes, maybe a little, but not so much. And I also have these things that are weird, so now you know: I have saved photos with you in the background and I look at them when I particularly miss you.”

Sho thinks that that’s about as much confession as he’s going to let out of his system today. Jun is right, they need to work on their communication. And he needs to talk to Jun somewhere he feels more himself. Sho needs to tell Jun his plans because he’d like Jun to be part of that plan.

“Okay,” Jun answers by the time Sho is already near his apartment building. “Are you kidnapping me?”

“No, I am inviting you over.” Sho drives into his parking space, turns off the engine and looks at Jun. “Would you like to come up for some tea? If you have no other plans. Otherwise, I’d drive you there since I have most likely brought you somewhere out of your planned destination.” Sho is channeling the executive manager in him. This is the same tone he uses on competitors and middle men during negotiations. But, he wavers a little when he sees Jun quietly laughing. Damn, he has missed that laugh so much.

“Are we having a business meeting?” Jun asks with a smirk.

“Jun, please come up and have some tea.” Sho repeats, this time his tone less steely. Jun sincerely smiles this time and nods. “Okay, that would be nice.”

They take out their shopping bags and hurry in. Sho knows what Jun is seeing. It’s a sleek and modern 15-floor building with 24-hour concierge and security personnel, and the main door and elevators open only with an access code and magnetic card. Sho is neither embarrassed nor proud. When he chose this place, he took into account convenience, security, location and comfort. Of course, it mattered greatly that he had the income to pay for the rent.

Jun doesn’t comment on anything, just watches when Sho uses his access card to open the elevators. The elevator stops at the 14th floor. At this, Jun comments, “Not the 15th?”

“I have fear of heights.” Sho says and this makes Jun laugh again. Sho thinks that he can disclose all of his embarrassing secrets if it makes Jun laugh like this.

“I don’t know how that is related to what floor you live in, but thanks for telling me,” Jun says light-heartedly and this makes Sho beam a little. Sho turns to the right and Jun follows. There are only two apartment units in every floor with adequate distance from each other. People pay for their privacy and security.

They reach a dark wood door and Sho again uses his access card and keys in a number code to open his apartment.

Jun greets the room with “Excuse the intrusion” as he puts on a pair of fluffy bunny house slippers that Sho gave him.

“Sho, not trying to sound like a boor, but, is your floor actually heated?” Jun asks. Sho sheepishly nods and leads Jun to his living room.

“Make yourself comfortable. I’ll get some tea. Or would you rather have beer?”

“Tea sounds great.”

Sho makes his way to the kitchen and goes about heating the water for their tea. Sho is thankful his housekeeper cleaned up the day before, his place is at least decent enough to receive guests. When Sho is busy, the mess surprisingly builds up fast in his house even when he’s hardly there.

He hears soft padded steps and turns to see Jun in his kitchen. Sho pours them the tea and hands a cup to Jun. “I’m exploring your place. It’s nice. I like your book collection.”

“It’s not much. Yours is more extensive. I don’t have the Kojiki after all,” Sho teases.

“And…” Jun continues, ignoring Sho’s teasing. “Your genkan and hallway smells like pine. Your living room smells like sandalwood, and your kitchen smells like gardenias.” Jun gives a tentative taste before sipping his tea.

Sho crosses his arms and leans against the counter. “And your question is?”

He knew it would be probably be the first thing Jun would notice. To be frank, Sho feels nervous having Jun in his space. It’s personal and intimate. Jun is seeing this side of Sho for the first time, after all. And Sho hasn’t brought anyone home in a very long time and he feels a bit out of his element.

“Nothing really. I was just not expecting that. I like those scents by the way, but lavender is my favorite.” Sho is glad he isn’t sipping his tea or he would have choked. Would it be too inappropriate to tell Jun that he has lavender-scented candles in his bedroom? He decides that yes, it would be too off-putting at this point. Instead, he offers Jun something to eat. It’s past four in the afternoon, he knows they just had ramen a couple of hours ago, but he’s still hungry. Sho explores his own cupboards and fridge but realizes he has nothing in his kitchen but instant ramen and tea.

“I’ll order something. There’s a restaurant nearby with awesome soba. It’s really good.” Sho looks apologetically at Jun and reaches for his phone.

“Uhm. We just ate Sho.”

“I’m hungry again.”

Jun blinks. Sho blinks.

“Okay, sure.” Jun relents.

Jun listens as Sho orders them soba, gyoza, tempura, kimchi salad and mapo tofu. As he is finishing his order, Sho turns to see Jun leaning his elbows against the high countertop. “Hungry, aren’t we.”

“It’ll be delicious, I promise.” Sho grins like an excited boy, about to show off his new toy.

Their food arrives in thirty minutes and Jun laughs as Sho almost runs to the door to greet the delivery man. They don’t bother to transfer the food in serving plates and just arrange them on the dining table. They eat quietly, enjoying their tasty fare. Sho decides that he likes seeing Jun eat. He takes big mouthfuls and chews them carefully. And he apparently likes soba, a lot. Jun finishes his soba fast and takes fleeting glances over Sho’s noodles after. Sho helpfully puts his bowl of noodles in the middle of the table towards Jun and gets rewarded with a grateful smile. Jun also finishes Sho’s soba.

Jun volunteers to clean up. When he finishes, he finds Sho in the living room, looking out the window, his back to him, a hand against his hip, the other holding up the phone against his ears.

“I need that report Monday night.” Sho sounds and looks the same but at the same time different. “They are only giving us 48 hours to come up with the figures.” He sounds more bold, his back seems straighter, his voice deeper. Jun stares.

Sho hears Jun’s light movements and watches Jun’s reflection on the glass window. He doubles his efforts to focus on what his staff is telling him. Sho knows Jun is staring and listening in. Sho surprisingly doesn’t mind, and Sho likes it when Jun looks at him this way – like he’s the only one important enough to pay attention to. It reminds him why he brought Jun here in the first place.

Sho ends the call and sets it aside. He realizes he’s actually nervous when he feels his hands slightly shaking. He shoves them in his pockets and approaches Jun. After tonight, Sho will still be in Tokyo and Jun will be going back to Nakanojo, but at least there’s something they can both look forward to.

Jun reaches to sweep back a stray hair on Sho’s forehead before he settles it at the back of Sho’s neck. “Is it a busy time of the year for work?” Jun asks as he plays with the shorter hairs at Sho’s nape.

“Just the usual, but there are some changes in the company…” Sho starts. Jun’s hand is distracting him and he feels the goosebumps spreading along his arms.

“Is that why you had to leave Nakanojo earlier than planned?” Jun asks, his voice calm, while his other hand settles on Sho’s hip.

“Yeah, it was.” Sho inhales when he feels Jun move closer. “Jun, I want to tell you something.” But you are sidetracking me! Sho wants to say that, but he finds himself unable to. This close, he can see all the moles dotting Jun’s face, including the small ones at the side of the bridge of his nose.

“Is it important?” Jun asks, his mouth only an inch away from Sho’s.

“Yes. I think it’s very important.” Sho whispers. Sho wants to share it with Jun – the excitement, the uncertainty, the anticipation. He hasn’t told anyone, not even his family. He wants Jun to be the first to know.

“Can’t it wait?” Jun gives Sho an open-mouthed kiss at the side of his neck. “For just a bit?”

Sho’s resolve withers. “Jun…” Sho whispers, he’s breathing fast, and he’s sure Jun feels the hammering of his pulse.

“I just want one kiss. Okay?”

“Okay.” Sho caves in, and it’s not about letting Jun have his way. It’s more like Sho letting himself do what he’s been wanting to do the moment he saw Jun in front of the store today.

When their lips touch, it feels like a burst of warmth that thrums through his body. He tastes the food they had earlier, but he doesn’t mind. When Jun sweeps his tongue against his, Sho could only open wider and give back. There are hands stroking his hair and back and Sho almost can’t bear it. Almost, but he does. For Jun he does. He might just do anything for Jun.

Sho hears an unfamiliar sound. He angles his head and clutches at Jun’s strong shoulder, making the kiss deeper, longer. He hears the sound again and realizes it’s coming from him, and Jun seems set in wringing it out from him. With their bodies close this way, their sweaters suddenly feel too thick and too tight between them.

They come up for air and when Sho lifts his gaze, he sees Jun’s heavy lidded eyes, the tinge of red on his cheeks and his moist, bruised lips. Sho doesn’t look any different except that somehow, he has managed to perch himself on Jun’s lap, while Jun is almost sprawled on Sho’s couch.

Hmm… how did we get here?

He likes the feel of Jun’s thick thighs under him and the way Jun is touching the small of his back. And he definitely likes the feel of Jun’s erection under him. Sho moves to the curve of Jun’s neck and gives it wet, open-mouthed kisses, making Jun’s breath hitch before he says, “You were about to tell me something…” Jun’s voice catches when Sho takes a not so soft bite. “…something, plans.”

Sho’s thoughts swimming too far from those plans right now. He wants to keep tasting Jun, to feel him and touch him. His pants already feel tight against his crotch, and he oh so wants to give in to the need. But he hasn’t dry humped with anyone since freshman year in college and he doesn’t want to do it here, with Jun, on his couch.

“Jun….” The word comes out like more of a prayer than a curse, and he ignores the soft laugh from Jun. He needs to steady himself again, and perched like this on Jun is not helping. But he doesn’t want to move yet, so he slumps and leans in his full weight on Jun, resting his head at the crook of Jun’s neck.

“I was going to tell you. You interrupted me.” Sho tries to sound aggrieved, but it sounds too gentle to strike anyone as such. “Give me a minute, will you?” Jun only wraps his arms around him tighter but doesn’t make any comments.

They stay that way for a few minutes, content with listening to each other’s quiet breathing, until Jun nudges him. “Heavy.” Sho slowly gets off Jun’s lap and sits beside him on the couch. Jun has his head leaned back against the couch and slightly turned towards Sho. Sho thinks that Jun glows after they kiss and he gives in to the urge to sweep back Jun’s fringe. This earns him a pretty smile from Jun.

“Jun, I want to tell you my plans,” Sho starts. “But you have to let me finish first before you say anything, okay?” His plan is questionable at best, Sho knows. He is usually more thorough than this in making plans, but then, this isn’t ‘usual’.

Jun nods. “Okay.”

“Okay.” Sho braces himself. “I will spend my birthday in Nakanojo.”

Jun merely tilts his head. “It’s in January, a little over a month from now. Or almost a couple.” Jun gives a tiny nod. “But I am moving in maybe a week before that.” Jun suddenly straightens. He’s about to open his mouth when he catches himself and waits.

“I know I can move in with Mitsu-jiichan and Aiko-baachan, but I’d want my privacy. And I have these peculiarities that might drive them crazy eventually, so I decided to get my own place.” Jun looks confused and his shoulders are tensed. He knows Jun is really trying hard to keep his word and not interrupt Sho.

“I have this friend from college, we were in the same university club for four years, and he’s looking for someone to manage his business. He actually just mentioned it in passing when we happen to meet six months ago, but I kept thinking about it.” Sho is not taking his eyes off Jun. He has been practicing this spiel for weeks now, imagining what he will say when he tells Jun. Jun’s eyes are wide and questioning. The confusion is slowly being replaced by surprise.

“The company is thirty to forty minutes from Nakanojo, so it won’t be too much to travel every day, back and forth. The pay won’t be as good as I have now but I won’t need much. The apartment there is cheaper and so are the daily expenses. And I have enough savings. Plus, I have insurance for retirement. And I love Nakanojo. It’s always been one of my favorite places. And I get to be with Aiko-baachan and Mitsu-jiichan.” Jun is still looking at him with wide eyes. Sho doesn’t know how Jun will react to this, but he chooses to be optimistic. Gods please let Jun be optimistic, Sho puts it on repeat in his head.

Sho sidles up to Jun, close enough but not quite touching. “So… I mean.” Sho swallows audibly. His throat suddenly feels very dry. He tries again. “I was going to ask you if you could make my birthday cake. Surprise me with a new creation. Or it doesn’t have to be new. I just thought that I’d like one of your cakes for my birthday. I wanted to tell you early so that you won’t have to rush.” Sho pauses and gauges Jun’s reaction. “Making the cake, that is.”

Jun is merely looking at him now, his forehead furrowed in concentration. His eyes have lost its shocked and confused look and are now set on Sho’s face. So focused is Sho on Jun’s face that it surprises him when he feels hands on either side of his face.

“I want to know more. But later, okay?” Jun asks. There’s a slight tremble in his voice and Sho has never seen this much raw emotion from Jun before. “There’s a lot of things I want to ask about this. But I don’t know if I’m ready to hear it. So later.” That’s all Jun says before he leans his forehead on Sho’s. “Birthday cake, huh. I think I can whip something up for you, old man.”

They stay the rest of the night talking, catching up on each other’s lives, things that they missed, things that were mundane but they shared nonetheless. Sho asks Jun to stay the night. It’s not an invitation to do more. Sho just wants to spend more time with Jun. The next day, Jun goes to his family to celebrate his father’s birthday. Then, Jun goes back to Nakanojo the day after. They simply have no other time than now.

Jun says yes but grumbles about his lack of toiletries and change of clothes. Sho offers his and Jun accepts them, but not before taking a good read of the bottle labels. Sho hears him mumbling about ‘putting nasty stuff on his skin’. It’s troublesome and cute.

Sho offers Jun to bathe first, and while Jun is in the bath, Sho goes about changing the sheets in the guest room. It hasn’t been used in months after all. He puts some books and manga on the nightstand and some change of clothes on the bed. Sho chooses one of his favorite scented candles and lights it for a minute. It’s lavender, of course. The same as the one he uses in his own room.

When Jun finishes, Sho goes in after him quickly, pointedly avoiding to look at the way his bath towel looks really good around Jun’s waist. Sho swears he did not ogle at Jun’s toned back and arms and shoulders. He swears he did not.

Sho finds Jun in his living room floor going through one of his manga. His pajamas look better on Jun, and Sho reminds himself that he should get Jun a set of pajamas for Christmas. He looks cute in them. Jun is now wearing his glasses, his contacts most likely packed away. You fit right in, don’t you? He won’t say it out loud but yes, Jun definitely fits right in his space.

“I have a perfectly good couch. Why are you on the floor?” Sho asks, confused.

“Your floor is heated, your couch is not.” Jun only flips another page.

Sho joins him on the floor and have to agree with Jun: the warmth more than makes up for the hardness. Sho distracts Jun in his reading and asks Jun things he’s been wanting to know. Sho learns that Jun is the younger of two children. His parents own a supermarket in one of the suburbs in Tokyo. It started out as a modest convenience store with only two employees, his father and his then very pregnant mother. They managed to survive the economic recession and even expanded it to its current state. They now have a set of reliable employees. His parents already have a myriad of body pains, yet they refuse to not go to work every day, except for Sundays, when the grandchildren comes over. Jun has a sister who is five years older than him. Shori had spoiled sweet, cute Jun to the best her young little heart could. She loves Jun and Jun loves her. That didn’t really prepare Jun for the reality of growing up, which taught him that not everyone was as nice as his sister, or as loving, or as willing to let Jun be Jun. Nevertheless, Jun treasures their relationship. He only felt a little sad and plenty of happy when Shori moved out and eventually married and had children. Now Jun dotes on his little nephews and Shori had already warned him that little Tarou and Shiro were becoming the same spoiled kids that Jun was. Jun feels proud.

“So why did you move to Nakanojo?” Sho finally asks. They are lying facing each other on the guest room bed, under Sho’s very soft comforter. The question has been bugging Sho for so long and he only finds the courage to ask now.

“I wanted to set something for myself, something that I created and built. I wanted me there.” Their voices are subdued. No one else is there to hear them, but the closeness and the warmth seems to want for something gentler.

“Growing up, everyone assumed that I’d take over the family business. I thought I’d take over the family business.” Jun is not looking at Sho anymore. His eyes are downcast, and Sho thinks that this must be a difficult thing for Jun to talk about.

“But I grew up. For a long time I wanted to create a version of me that I thought was the ideal. I worked so hard to change who I was to reach that ideal. Then I turned thirty and just gave up.” Jun laughs a little. When Jun looks at Sho again, he sees happiness there and it makes Sho feel happier somehow. “I like this version of me better than the one who was trying so hard to be someone else. But everything I learned, everything I did, it all added up to this version. It’s just that I gave up on the things that just can’t be changed.”

It’s Sho who moves closer and slips his arm under Jun’s head. Jun lifts his head a little and gives room for Sho to slot himself around Jun. “I very much like this Jun, too.” Sho whispers against Jun’s hair. He isn’t asking for a reply from Jun and he knows Jun understands that. Jun only noses Sho’s neck and they fall asleep like that. And wake up the next day still with their arms around each other.

Jun in the morning is much grumpier than what Sho’s memory let him believe. It was only after two cups of coffee that Jun talked. Sho drives Jun to the train station and they promise to actually contact each other. Sho starts by sending Jun a smiling emoji as Jun’s train leaves.

 

Night comes and Sho doesn’t get any message from Jun, but this time, it doesn’t stop him from sending him a message. It was a selfie Sho took with the soba he had for lunch, although it turned out to be mostly soba and Sho’s forehead. Jun’s reply is, in Sho’s opinion, very sweet.

“I must be drunk already coz’ I actually think that’s cute.”

“Of course it is. I am in it.”

“Was the soba good?”

“Soba? Oh that. Yes, it was.”

“Hmm… but you picture taking skills isn’t.”

Sho looks at the alarm clock beside his bed and reads 2:40 AM. He should be sleeping now but decides that Jun is awake, he is awake, thus the perfect time to call Jun.

Jun answers after three rings.

“Eeiiii there!” came Jun’s loud answer. Jun is apparently drunk.

“Hey Jun. How are you? You sound like you’re having tons of fun there.” It doesn’t sound like Jun is in a party. It’s actually pretty quiet at the other end of the line.

“Un. Everyone’s sleeping already and I have the veranda and the wine all to myself.” Trust Jun to get drunk alone. “Nee~ Sho? You know my nephew said I am the best uncle in the world.” Jun sounds very proud of himself. “But I am his only uncle, ne?”

Sho lies back on his bed and suppresses a laugh. “It’s not like that. I’m sure he thinks you are the very best uncle in the world.”

“How do you know???” Jun sounds baffled by Sho’s certainty.

“Because you’re Jun.” There is a long pause on the other side. Sho thinks Jun might have fallen asleep but then he hears chair scratching against floor and a door or window sliding.

“Hey Jun, going to bed?”

“Yeah. Am sleepy.” Sho’s heart does a little flip with the way Jun sounds right now. So this is how he is when the walls are down. “Nee~ Sho?”

“Yes Jun?”

“I think you don’t like me all that much.” There was an ‘umph’ before Sho hears the rustling of bed sheets. Sho slips deeper into his comforter.

“What makes you say that?”

“We’ve know each other for months already. We’ve kissed a lot already. We slept in the same room twice. We even slept in the same bed last night. But you still haven’t had sex with me…”

Sho almost chokes on his own saliva. So this is how Jun is like with the walls down. Sho is still trying to figure out what to say when Jun starts again. “Nee~ Sho? Don’t you want to have sex with me?”

Sho wants to point out that one, the first time they slept in the same room, he was dead drunk; and two, if Sho acts on the urge every time he wants to have sex with Jun, they’d have done the act plenty of times already. He doesn’t say it that way, though.

“Jun, I’ve been wanting to have sex with you. For a long time already.” Seems like Sho has to spell it all out for Jun.

“Then why haven’t you??”Jun almost whines.

“Why haven’t you?” Sho asks back.

“Hmmm? I don’t know Sho… I am naturally shy, you know?” Jun is almost drawling out the words. Sho knows that he’ll pass out anytime soon.

“Well, I am out of practice in asking people to have sex with me. Jun? Are you still there?” This conversation has erased all thoughts of sleep from Sho. His senses are awake and his thoughts are filled with images of Jun, naked Jun. And he blames the man himself.

“Un. Nee~ Sho?” It’s almost a whisper this time.

“Yeah, Jun?”

“Next time we see each other, have sex with me? Okay?”

Sho’s heart skips two beats then races. Jun really knows how to catch him off guard, drunk or not drunk. “You don’t just say it like that, Jun!” But of course Sho wants to. Just the thought of it stirs up the desire in Sho.

Silence.

“Jun?”

“Jun?” Sho hears the quiet snoring at the other end and smiles to himself. Sho listens a few more minutes, letting the quiet in and out of Jun’s breathing lull him to sleep. “Goodnight Jun.”

 

10

Next time turns out to be something unexpected. It has been a hard couple of weeks. The year is ending and the company needs to settle their accounts, tie up loose ends; and for Sho, train Takki and ease the transition. He’s fatigued, sleep-deprived, and cold. Today is the first time in a while that Sho leaves the office with the sun still out. Takki had told him to go home after Sho snapped at one of their interns when said intern forgot to photocopy the documents they needed to submit before office closing. Sho’s temper gets short with lack of sleep, and tonight, he plans to remedy that.

Sho fishes his phone out when he feels it vibrate in his pocket and smiles when he sees Jun’s name. He opens it and sees a photo of sunset taken from the clearing of their jogging route in Nakanojo. Sho feels a sense of déjà vu, and it makes him acutely aware of how much he’s missed Jun. It’s still a few blocks away, but Sho decides to walk to Tokyo Central Station. He’ll just leave his car in the office. He doesn’t have the energy to drive today. The trains will be packed, but at least he doesn’t have to think too much.

He walks absent-mindedly in the crowded station, ignoring the occasional bumps on the shoulder when he hears the announcement. There will be a fifteen-minute delay of the Shinkansen heading to Karuizawa due to minor technical problems. That Shinkansen will pass by Takasaki in Gunma, Sho thinks, and the thought makes him pause. Then, he is running.

 

The caller ID says ‘Sakurai Sho’ and Jun smiles as he swipes the screen to answer the call.

“It’s Sho.”

“I know. I do have your number saved in my phone.”

“Are you busy right now?”

“Not particularly. The café’s already closed. I’m in my room catching up on my reading list. Why?”

“Uhm… well…”

“Is everything okay, Sho?”

“Can I come up?”

“Ha!?”

“I’m outside right now and was thinking if I could come up for a while?”

Sho sees the light turn on at the first floor then the kitchen before the kitchen side door opens to reveal Jun. Sho stays in place with the phone glued to his ear as Jun comes out, barefoot, to approach him.

“Hi.” Sho’s voice rings against the quiet of the night. He pockets his phone and looks at Jun standing a few paces in front of him, probably cold in his Mickey Mouse striped pajamas.

“Did you drive?” Jun asks. The shadows are masking Jun’s expression and Sho’s worried that this might not have been a good idea after all.

“I took the Shinkansen and then the Agatsuma line. Sorry, I didn’t think about calling beforehand.” He is sorry for that but he is not going to apologize for coming there.

Jun grabs Sho’s hand and pulls him inside, holding his hand until they reached Jun’s room upstairs. Jun takes his briefcase and sets it on the floor carefully. Sho watches Jun, and he tries to recall what triggered the impulse to suddenly come to Nakanojo. And then he feels an armful of Jun enveloping him in a tight embrace, strong arms sliding inside his blazer to wound around his back. Jun is taller than him, but he has his head buried against Sho’s shoulder. Sho hugs back, kissing the side of Jun’s head, smelling that familiar citrus scent. Jun is warm and firm and solid and comfortable in his arms. They stay like that for some time, not saying anything, just holding and kissing. Their kisses are lazy and unhurried, both of them taking their time, willing the moment to become longer and longer. When one ends, they take another, and another. They haven’t even made it out of Jun’s genkan.

“Have you eaten?” Jun eventually asks. Sho only realizes he still has his outer coat on when Jun starts to tug it off him.

“I had a heavy bento for dinner in the train. But I could use a bath.” Sho wants to wash the day off him. He wants to erase a little bit of the exhaustion and just be here with Jun.

Sho is now familiar enough with Jun’s place to know where to hang his blazer, while Jun prepares the bath. He pops the top two buttons of his shirt and unpins his cufflinks. Sho is in the middle of pulling out his belt when he sees Jun leaning against the post, watching him with interest. He suddenly feels conscious of how domestic and familiar this feels.

“Please continue,” Jun drawls, the tone completely contrasting the cute pajamas he’s wearing.

Sho pulls off the belt out of his pants and hangs it beside his blazer. He struts towards Jun and gives him a loud peck on the lips. “Jun?”

“Yeah?” Jun is looking distractedly at his lips.

“Jun, do you remember?” Sho asks, touching Jun’s bottom lip, stroking it, loving the way it feels wet under his thumb.

“Remember what?” Jun is now looking at Sho’s eyes.

“You said next time we meet…” Sho likes the flush on Jun’s face. “This is ‘next time’.”

Despite Sho’s show of confidence, he is downright nervous. Jun was drunk when he made that request, he might not remember it. What if Jun says ‘no’? This might be a bad time and he won’t hold it out against Jun. He’ll always respect that. It’s just that he doesn’t think he can survive another one of his Jun wet dreams.

Sho sees the bob of Jun’s Adam’s apple and Sho knows that he isn’t the only one who has been anticipating this. Jun gives him a tiny nod, almost imperceptible had Sho been not this close. Sho returns the nod, and moves to hurry to the bath.

Sho comes out of the bath with only Jun’s towel around his waist. He doesn’t want to wear his dirty clothes, winter be damned. He smells like Jun and he likes it too much. He approaches Jun’s bed and finds Jun sitting up on his bed reading a manga.

“I probably need you to loan me some of your clothes,” Sho says, glad for Jun’s perfectly working heater. His floor isn’t heated but the rug around his bed feels nice against his bare feet.

Jun looks up from his manga, his glasses perched low on his nose. Jun doesn’t answer and instead gives him a thorough look. “Come here,” Jun says, shifting as he puts the manga aside. Sho’s gaze remains on Jun as he carefully arranges himself on the bed, keeping hold of the towel around his waist.

Jun then runs his fingers on Sho’s damp hair, lingering at his temples and nape. Sho sighs and closes his eyes, enjoying Jun’s attention. Jun slides his fingers on Sho’s scalp several times before slipping them down his back to start massaging the knots on Sho’s shoulders and upper back. Sho tilts his head, letting Jun’s hands knead the sore muscles. And then those hands unabashedly slip under the towel and graze the tops of Sho’s ass before coming up again to stroke the small of Sho’s back.

Sho tenses up as he looks at Jun’s relaxed and guiltless face. “You’re getting tense again Sho.” Sho’s breath catches when those hands goes lower again, loosening the towel around Sho’s waist.

.“I guess you won’t be needing this.” Jun pulls the towel slowly and deliberately, letting the uneven surface create friction on Sho’s hard-on.

“Jun…” Sho is not sure if he’s complaining or pleading, but right now he is buck naked and Jun is still in his pajamas. “This isn’t fair…”

“What isn’t fair Sho?” Jun is now busy trailing warm kisses on the side of Sho’s neck, nipping and licking when it fancies him.

Sho is fast becoming more and more aroused, with the way Jun’s mouth and hands are touching him everywhere; everywhere except where he wants them most. When he moves his hands, it’s to remove Jun’s hands from his ass and pin them down beside Jun’s head. Jun has his back on the bed and looking up at Sho innocently, but Sho knows there’s nothing innocent with what they are about to do.

“You’re still wearing Mickey Mouse… I don’t think he should be seeing this.” Jun starts to laugh but Sho shuts him up with his mouth, impatience lacing his kiss. Sho’s hand lets go of Jun’s only to start removing Jun’s shirt. The rest of Jun’s clothes follow. Skin meets skin, hands and mouth exploring each other. They don’t hold back with their moans, the walls of Jun’s room absorbing the sounds they make.

Sho has Jun pinned under him, already with his two fingers stretching Jun. Sho watches Jun thrash his head, his legs spread wide, and body taut as he claws against the bed sheets. Sho hovers above Jun, his left arm braced beside Jun’s shoulder and it takes all of his self-control not to just take Jun, but he wants to watch first. He wants to make Jun come and see him lose control. He pumps his fingers faster when he feels Jun relax his muscles, timing it to Jun’s hand on his own cock. Jun gasps and Sho knows he’s close – his breath turns more ragged, Jun’s body pushing against his hand faster. When Jun finally comes, he has eyes shut, grip tight on Sho’s back, mouth open in a silent moan. Sho takes Jun’s mouth, swallowing the rest of the sound.

He cups Jun’s face and waits for him to come down from his high. When Jun has his eyes focused on Sho again, Sho feels almost completely satisfied just seeing Jun like this. Almost, but tonight, Sho will take what he wants. And he wants Jun.

Jun slides his hands down to Sho’s hips and down to his erection. “We need to do something about this,” Jun says, the casualness of the words unable to hide the gentleness behind it. Jun gives it a couple more pumps before Sho reaches down to pry away his hands. “I want to wait for you. You touching me would make that very hard to do,” Sho whispers shakily, trying to recover from Jun’s touch.

Jun doesn’t say anything, instead, lifts his head to kiss Sho. Jun pulls Sho down closer to him, their warm, slick bodies sliding against each other. It starts out slow and then turns hungry. In a show of strength, that Sho will later on deny has him even more turned on, Jun flips their position and straddles Sho’s hips. Sho breathes out Jun’s name in a plea. Jun strokes a couple more times before he reaches over to take the condom and lube on the nightstand and puts it on Sho. He lets Jun take the lead and when Jun takes him in, the pleasure overwhelms him. Jun starts the rhythm slow, using his knees to anchor himself. When Sho sees Jun tiring, he reaches out and carefully rearranges them so that Jun is lying back, his legs wound around Sho’s waist. Sho knows he won’t last long and lets instinct take over.

The obscene sounds their bodies make echoes in the room, only punctuated by their muffled moans. Sho feels overwhelmed by all the sensations. Jun’s warm depth. Jun’s skin. Jun’s breath inside his mouth. Jun’s hands. Jun. All Jun. And when it all becomes too much, Sho lets go with a groan and buries his face at the crook of Jun’s neck. He ignores the sticky wetness against his belly when Jun comes the second time and settles in some more on Jun.

Later, he’ll clean them up. Or Jun will. But at that moment, nothing else matters. He is comfortable like this. Jun murmurs something about cleaning up but his eyes are already closed and his head already attaching itself against Sho’s neck. Sho reaches for the discarded towel on the floor and uses it to wipe their mess and dumps it on the floor. This is as much as Sho could get himself to do tonight, because Jun is reaching out and complaining already for the loss of his source of warmth and Sho is there to oblige him.

 

Early morning light bathes the room and Sho scrunches his face against the intrusion. He tries to move to his side but finds a heavy weight preventing him so. He looks to his side and sees a mop of dark hair against his chest and an arm slung across his torso.

Sho shifts a little to his side and stares at the sleeping form beside him. He never pegged Jun to be a clingy sleeper but seems like he is. Come to think of it, Jun had been very clingy that time he slept at Sho’s place. Jun is puffing warm air against Shos’ nipple and it tickles him but he ignores it. It’s a rare opportunity for him to observe Jun like this.

Jun is physically beautiful, yes, but more than that, Jun has complex layers that intrigue Sho. He has seen the artist in Jun with his kitchen creations. There is the nerd Jun who reads whatever it is that catches his interests. Then there is the loyal Jun that holds friends close. And there is that decisive and particular Jun that comes out when it comes to work and business. Sho runs his fingers against Jun’s hair and smiles at the thought that he is allowed to do so now.

Although Sho thought it impossible for Jun to be closer, Jun moves and wraps himself even more against Sho, burying his nose at the underside of Sho’s jaw and parks half of his torso on the body beside his. Sho lets out a quiet laugh and nudges at Jun which earns him a grumpy “No”.

He nudges Jun’s shoulder again. “I need to pee. And you’re heavy,” Sho grumbles, mildly amused by how Jun refuses to budge.

“Hmmmppphh…. Nooo…” Jun retaliates by draping his leg over Sho’s thighs. Sho relents. The soft, early morning light and Jun’s pleasant warmth lulls him into a peaceful state.

“Coffee,” comes the husky voice beside his ear. “I’ll let you get up if you make coffee.”

“It won’t be as good as yours.”

“Hmm. Don’t care. Make coffee.” Sho would have wanted to see Jun’s face but he still has it buried against Sho.

“Okay.” Sho gently whispers against the crown of hair before extracting himself out of the tight grasp. He slowly moves to the kitchen and goes about setting up the coffee drip, finding all that he needs on top of the counter. He gets two large mugs from the cupboard and pours himself and Jun large servings. By the time he has finished, he hears feet shuffling behind him. He turns and sees that Jun has at least donned his underwear and a fresh shirt. Sho is wearing Jun’s pajamas.

Jun’s eyes are puffy and his mouth set in an unattractive frown, hair sticking up like a rooster’s comb. Sho can see a couple of small purpling bruises on his neck and Sho is sure he has several of those, too. Jun stops in front of him and grabs the mug he is holding. Sho is about to protest but then remembers how bad Jun is in the morning. The man flops ungracefully on one of the kitchen chairs and proceeds to take large gulps of the black coffee. Sho joins him, taking the other untouched mug for himself.

It is only after Jun finishes the entire cup that he meets Sho’s eyes and says “Good morning” in a gruff voice. Sho laughs and leans over to kiss his cheek and greets back a “good morning.” The caffeine seems to do wonders for Jun, as he gets up to wash the mugs and the coffee drip and pot.

Jun says something and Sho only hears bits of it to realize that Jun is asking him something. He looks up and sees Jun waiting for his answer. When Sho only stares, Jun repeats his question. “Will you stay for breakfast?”

No, Sho can’t really stay. He gets up and takes Jun in his arms, committing his scent and warmth to memory. It will be a while before he’ll get to see Jun again.

“I have to be back for my afternoon meeting.” He’s cutting it close by staying longer here but this, right now, feels more important. Jun only nods in understanding. Coming here last night had been an impulse, a whim, things that Sho usually doesn’t allow from himself, but he doesn’t regret it one bit. For Jun, he will regret nothing.

“Okay.” Jun says in understanding. Just a few more weeks.

Sho borrows Jun’s clothes and packs yesterday’s clothes in a paper bag. Another paper bag has a couple of breads and a thermos flask with fresh coffee. Jun drives him to the train station and it takes Sho plenty of self-control to not run back to Jun. Jun stays there long after the train is no longer in sight.

 

III

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11

The season has brought tourists in search for hot springs in Nakanojo. Jun, Nino and Ohno have been so busy with the café, they had Aiba work there on his off days from the hospital. They are already thinking about hiring additional staff to help Jun and Ohno in the kitchen. Aiba still sends random picture messages, and Nino keeps sending him photos of Ohno picking his nose while at work with the tag ‘This dude makes the bread with those hands.’

A little more than a year ago, somewhat around this time of the year as well, Sho became officially unemployed on New Year’s Day and it was a new feeling. There was packing, packing and more packing. He hired a moving company to carry all his things to his new apartment in Nakanojo and then it was unpacking and setting-up and settling in. Most of his things he dumped in his room at his parents’ place. He only brought the essentials: bed, couch, table, chairs, books and most of the kitchen appliances. Sho had bullied his brother into helping him with the heavy lifting and, as a reward, treated him to a ryokan in the area. His apartment in Nakanajo is smaller than what he used to have in Tokyo: a one bedroom place with a large living room and sizeable kitchen. He converted part of the living room into his work area. He doesn’t need much space.

That first official night of Sho’s moving in, his grandparents cooked for him and they had a small dinner in his dining room. Then he started his new job, and it wasn’t really an easy start. The beginning is always difficult but Sho was confident he’d adjust and catch up soon, and he did.

One year ago, Jun made the most extravagant birthday cake Sho had ever had, and it was delicious. Nino had teased them to no end but toned it down when Sho’s grandparents were around.

Sho hadn’t told his grandparents about Jun and him, but it seemed like they caught wind of it anyway. And it looked like they were okay with it, with whatever they thought they knew about his relationship with Jun. Sho knew that he had to lay it all out in the open, spell it out for them, so that there would be no mistaking what Jun is to him. Eventually he will. Sho has always been more careful about this with his grandparents, and he’ll slowly lead them up to it.

Tonight, Sho takes his time, strolling leisurely to the café and enjoys the sight of the town at night. It’s his birthday, and Sho had woken up older but he had felt no different than any other day. He ate leftover dinner for breakfast and prepared for work. He left home at a little past eight in the morning and arrived at work a few minutes before nine in the morning. By the time he gets back to Nakanojo, it’s already seven at night. Now, changed into his casual clothes, Sho ambles about in his own pace, going through the tourist-heavy streets and into Jun’s street. When he reaches the café parking lot, what he sees there makes him smile.

All the lights on the first floor are turned on. He sees Aiba rushing back and forth from the kitchen to the main café floor. He sees Jun from the kitchen window busy stirring something. Nino is perched on one of the counter chairs doing something. Ohno is focused on something in the kitchen counter. He sees his grandparents sitting on one of the café seats. He could definitely get used to this. He deliberately makes noise as he walks to the kitchen side door.

“You’re early!!!! Go away!” Jun greets him, his hands busily stirring something in a pot. Ohno stops his slicing and Aiba pauses mid-run, carrying a stack of plates on his hands.

“It’s my birthday, I am ignoring that.” Sho approaches Jun and gives him a loud peck on the cheek. Jun grumbles at this but doesn’t move away. They have become more open in their affection in front of their friends, and the others have encouraged it.

“Well, you have to wait coz’ your party is not yet ready.” Jun is adding something in the pot that smells really good and Sho’s mouth waters.

“Okay. Smells great though.” Sho eyes the pot and he gets excited when he sees something in shells.

“Go entertain Aiko-baachan and Mitsu-jiichan.” Jun is obviously kicking him out of his kitchen but Sho is okay with that. He didn’t ask Jun for a party but here he is giving him one anyway, and so far Sho is enjoying it very much.

Sho leaves the other three in the kitchen and goes to the main café floor. He passes by Nino who is in deep concentration at the counter. Sho peaks at Nino’s hands, expecting to see some handheld game there. Instead, he sees two large bowls filled with broad beans. Nino is shelling out all the peas from their pods. “Jun needs them for some fancy sounding soup. He promises it’ll be good. It better be good.” Nino says begrudgingly when he senses Sho there.

“And I’m not doing this for you coz it’s your birthday. I just want to taste whatever it is Jun is cooking up.” Nino says belatedly, not quite meeting Sho’s eyes. There is no bite to it and Nino is gently smiling over his bowls of beans.

“Thanks Nino.” Sho says. Sho is already used to Nino’s affectionate barbs. This is Nino being clingy and Sho welcomes the warmth.

Nino shoos him away when he tries to help with the beans. Sho leaves Nino to it and moves to join his grandparents. He sits with them and ask how they’ve been today. Aiko-san’s leg is all better but she is now constantly using a cane. Sho always comes by their house every day before going to work and before going home at night. Sho has hired someone to help in the house work and the errands during the day, and it makes him feel more at ease. Sho hired a company to make minor renovations in his grandparents’ house – to make it safer and more convenient for old people. They moved cupboards and shelves to positions more easily accessible to them. What couldn’t be moved, he had replaced. He had them outfit handrails in parts of the house where they may need it most. The bathroom floor had been changed to a skid-resistant material. Sho doesn’t want any accidents again.

A year and a half ago, Sho would have never thought he’d be spending his thirty-sixth birthday this way: in Nakanojo, in the company of his grandparents, his lover and new friends. He also never thought he’d be this happy to be in a different situation than he has always been in. It was Christmas when he told his parents his decision. They had been shocked and Sho expected that. He and his father had spent the rest of Christmas night talking. Sho didn’t think he needed to defend his decision, but he thought that he owed it to his parents at least, to let them know his reasons. Sho is not sure they understood his explanations, but they accepted his decision eventually.

Tonight, they toast, they drink, they eat and they laugh. When Sho’s cake comes out, everyone except Ohno looks puzzled. It’s a plain-looking cheesecake: no toppings, no decorations, nothing on it to mar the creamy white exterior. It’s the complete opposite of the cake Jun made the year before, but Sho doesn’t mind. He loves whatever it is that Jun makes, no matter what. And it is the most delicious cheesecake he has ever had in his life, and he says so to Jun. The texture, the harmony of all the flavors. How many times did it take Jun to perfect this recipe? Everyone echoes the sentiment and Jun looks so happy, hiding his blush behind his cup of wine, and Sho has never been more proud of Jun.

When the plates have been cleaned of their contents, and the bottles of wine have been divested of their spirits, everyone slowly starts moving to leave. Aiko-san and Mitsu-san leave first with Aiba, who volunteers to drop them off on the way to his own place. Nino and Ohno linger, Nino playing on his handheld console while Ohno dozes off beside him. Sho and Jun sit a couple of tables away, sipping their tea, holding each other’s hand, quietly talking about each other’s day. The dirty dishes can wait for tomorrow. When Ohno wakes up from his nap, Nino manhandles Ohno, guiding themselves out the door, wishing Sho and Jun a very happy night with a wink. Sho ignores the gibe and tells them to at least send a message when they get home.

When they are finally alone, Jun brings their dirty cups to the kitchen and submerges them in the soapy water in the sink with the rest: he doesn’t want rodents and roaches to start thriving in his kitchen. Sho rearranges the chairs and turns off the lights while Jun locks up. Sho likes this feeling, this familiarity, their movements are different but in sync.

They go up together to Jun’s room and Jun looks like he’s about to fall asleep on his feet. Sho knows Jun has been up since four in the morning, preparing for the daily tourist crowd and for Sho’s party. Sho offers to prepare the bath for him, then they can finally sleep.

“But it’s your birthday Sho. I wanted to do more with you tonight,” Jun says with a yawn, rubbing his eyes, already feeling dry and scratchy from wearing contact lenses the entire day.

Sho gets what Jun means and he would have wanted that, too, but it would hurt his pride if Jun falls asleep while Sho is having sex with him. “It’s okay, Jun. We can always do that tomorrow,” Sho says rubbing his hand between Jun’s shoulder blades. “And then the next day, every day if you want. But you already made me the best birthday party and the best food and the best cake, and it’s already wonderful. Let me take care of you now.”

Jun accedes and lets Sho prepare the bath, warming the water just the way Jun likes it, albeit a little too warm for Sho’s liking. Sho joins Jun in the bath but they do nothing more than kiss lazily and rub heat into their tired bodies. Sho washes Jun’s hair, enjoying the citrus scent that fills the room, and Jun returns the favor. Later, they take turns drying each other and realize that everything would have been faster had they taken their baths separately, but they don’t want that. They want these moments, when time slows down for them and no one else is there but Sho and Jun.

It is later, when they are both under the sheets, bathed in the shadows, huddled against each other, Jun’s head fitting just right against the crook of Sho’s neck, Jun finally tells Sho “I think I like you, too, Sho.”

“You think?” Sho tries not to reveal too much. Jun’s answer to Sho’s confession from more than a year ago is a long time coming.

“Un. I think.” Jun whispers, sleep already lacing his words.

“I’m glad you think so.” Sho murmurs against Jun’s hair while stroking his nape.

“Me, too.” Jun lands a soft kiss on Sho’s neck before finally surrendering to sleep.

Later, Sho thinks, later when Jun is awake, he will tell Jun he loves him.

 

END

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Notes:

Ka(su)ki.This is a play on “kaki” which means ‘oysters’ and “suki” which means ‘to like’. “Ka(su)ki” = ‘to like oysters.’

Hidamari (Na)Kanojo.This is also a play on “Hidamari no Kanojo (The girl under the sun)” a novel with a movie adaptation which starred Matsumoto Jun, and “Nakanojo” which is the setting of this story. “Hidamari (Na)Kanojo” = ‘Nakanojo under the sun’

\0/ Nakanojo (中之条町) is an actual town in Gunma Prefecture. It’s a scenic town popular among tourists for their hot springs. I took a lot of liberties in describing this place since I haven’t been there. Google helped a lot. (lol) Real life Sakurai Sho’s grandparents are from Gunma.\0/