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shoexchangeThere were no messages from Jun after that night. Sho didn’t have the courage to send a casual text after what had happened; he could still recall the look in Jun’s eyes and how Jun turned away from him.
It hurt, being rejected like that.
He waited for an entire week but he received no email, at least none from Jun, and on the Saturday of that week, once he was certain Jun would never send him anything, he went to the café after his shift in the library and asked for Ohno’s best latte.
Ohno brought it over with a foam art of Totoro smiling, and Sho managed a weak smile at the sight of it.
“Bad day?” Ohno asked. He slid into the chair across Sho’s, concern evident in his eyes.
“It didn’t go well,” Sho said, finding that he couldn’t lie, not to Ohno.
Ohno was frowning. “What didn’t?”
“I was so sure,” Sho said, shaking his head at the memory. Ohno always had that uncanny ability to make him talk despite asking minimal questions. “I had been so sure, Satoshi-kun. So I went for it.”
Ohno’s eyes were narrowed, an expression of confusion etched on his face.
“It didn’t go well,” Sho repeated, a snort escaping from him. He sampled his latte and not even its rich taste could make him smile. “I shouldn’t have done it. But I kept thinking if I didn’t, I’d never know.”
It took a while for Ohno to speak, but when he did, Sho couldn’t take his eyes off him.
“Did you ever tell them?” Ohno asked quietly. “How you really feel?”
“Not verbally,” Sho clarified.
Ohno’s head was tilted to the side. “You made it sound that you were rejected even if you didn’t.”
“Because I was.”
“Without them knowing how you truly felt?”
Sho shook his head. “In spite of that, I was still rejected. It was so...humiliating. I wanted to flee. So I did.”
“And since then, you never saw them?”
Sho knew it was a Saturday today. Usually, after his shift, he’d be preparing himself to meet Jun come evening. He was so used to having his Suica card ready in his pocket as he waited for their appointed hour to arrive that now, he had no idea what to do since he couldn’t do that anymore.
“No,” Sho replied.
“I think you should tell them,” Ohno said after a brief moment of silence.
Sho stared at the man. “What else is left for me to say?”
“The truth,” Ohno answered simply. “If they’re as important to you as you think they are, you have to tell them. Even if they are going to reject you. You’d feel better, having said it out loud.”
“That’s...a strange way of approaching it,” Sho said, imagining the scenario.
Ohno shrugged. “Well, I don’t exactly know what’s going on here; I’m just going with what I’m picking up from you. But in our past conversations, you made it clear you’ve got good communication going on with this person. So I thought that maybe, you could use that to your own advantage.”
Sho fished out his phone from his pocket, finding no messages in any apps. He hesitated on clicking his LINE thread with Jun, but Ohno’s words rang in the back of his head.
“I’m going to regret this,” Sho said as soon as he tapped on the text box.
“Maybe,” Ohno said unhelpfully. “But who knows?”
I have something to tell you, was what Sho keyed in. He deleted the last two words and replaced it with say before deleting that again and retyping the original.
He reread his message until he got sick of it and tapped Send.
“There,” Sho declared, meeting Ohno’s gaze, “I sent a message.”
Ohno pointed to his lip. “You’ve got foam.”
Sho wiped it away using the back of his hand.
“And with that, I wish you good luck,” Ohno said with a smile.
Sho thanked Ohno, figuring he’d need it.
--
For two weeks, Sho received nothing save for the Read notification in the LINE thread, indicating Jun had seen his message but had chosen not to reply to it.
The sting Sho felt at that reality was hard to ignore. Weeks ago, for more than seven months in fact, he’d exchange messages with Jun and they’d plan their weekend together. While those weekends had mostly revolved around sex, there had been nights wherein Jun had tried out recipes for Sho and cooked Sho’s favorites. They’d even watched some of their favorite movies together, especially whenever they’d finished early and had hours left of their Saturday.
Jun had become a part of his routine and it was difficult to shake him off despite his absence. Jun haunted him, and sometimes, Sho dreamt of Jun and everything they’d done.
Only for him to wake up feeling more awful than before since things hadn’t ended in the right way between them.
He was wallowing in self-pity and perhaps moping when he finally received a response. It was on a rainy Saturday, a month after his message and since he’d last seen Jun.
What is it? was Jun’s overdue reply.
In person, Sho clarified, but he made sure to wait for ten minutes before typing and sending it so he wouldn’t look too eager. Did Jun only check the thread because he felt lonely? Rainy days tend to make people lonely, Sho thought.
Was Sho only a fallback?
I don’t think it’ll be wise for us to meet again. We can’t see each other anymore, was Jun’s response after almost five minutes.
Sho gripped his phone tight, reining in the bubble of burning rage that coursed through him. I don’t care what you think. I have something to say to you. And I won’t stop until you get to hear it.
Stop running, Sho wanted to scream, if only Jun were right in front of him. Stop running away from me.
His phone vibrated with another message. 9 PM tonight. Same bar. I’ll be waiting.
Sho checked the time and saw that Jun’s appointed time was only two hours away.
He let the Read notification become his response and began counting down to the hours.
--
As payback for the last time, Sho arrived in the private booth reserved under Jun’s name fifteen minutes later. He had to stop by the door for a moment to reel in the emotions; he hadn’t seen Jun in what felt like so long.
Jun wore another fedora that was as ugly as the one he’d worn the first time they’d officially met. He had the thick-rimmed glasses on, not the rounded ones that he often wore when he was at home.
Sho hated how much he was able to remember. Jun felt like an imprint, as striking and as vivid as the mark he’d left on Sho’s thigh on the last night they’d been together.
Sho slid into the seat across Jun without so much as a hello, opting to say nothing until his specified drink arrived and the waiter politely shut the door.
“I won’t apologize for making you wait,” was what Sho decided to say at first. “And no, I had no printer problems to speak of.”
“So you enjoyed making me anxious, thinking you might not arrive at all?” Jun asked, and his voice sounded hollow and devoid of emotion.
“Yes,” Sho said, not bothering to lie. “It was how I felt the first time we saw each other. I gathered you enjoyed doing that, so I wanted to give it a shot.”
“I didn’t do that out of cruelty,” Jun said slowly, pointedly.
Sho simply met his gaze. “You’re the one who took two weeks to respond, and you’re calling me cruel?” A laugh managed to escape from him, dry and sarcastic. He took a deep breath. “As soon as I get to say what I have to say, I’ll be going.”
Jun’s eyes narrowed under the brim of his hat, but Sho merely continued, “You said it wasn’t wise for us to meet anymore. So I’ll try not to take too much of your time.” He squared his shoulders before taking a generous sip of the scotch he’d ordered. He needed the burning rush of alcohol. “The last time…”
“You mean the last time we’ve been toge—we’ve seen one another?” Jun asked.
“Yes.” Sho gave Jun a look. “Please don’t interrupt.”
“Sorry,” Jun said, extending his palm as a gesture for Sho to continue.
“That time, I did what I did because I hoped,” Sho admitted, keeping his eyes on the amber liquid inside his glass. He could feel Jun’s stare on him and he willed himself not to react. “I hoped despite knowing it was a stupid thing to do.”
“Why did you do it then? If you knew it was stupid?” Jun asked, but he spoke in hushed tones, like he was holding something in and was afraid someone would hear them despite the impossibility of that happening.
“Because I liked you,” Sho said plainly, stupidly. He’d file this moment as another huge mistake as soon as he leaves this place, but he had to say it. Ohno had been right; he had to make things clear. “I liked you too much that for a moment, I forgot what we really were to each other.”
He lifted his gaze and stared at Jun’s face, taking it in for the last time. “I still do, by the way. Which is stupid, but I’ll get over it soon, hopefully. I just had to say it. I read somewhere that declaring things as they are was the first step in letting them go, so here I am trying that out.”
Sho picked up his glass and finished whatever remained of his drink. “So there. I’ll go now. Our time together was...informative, I guess. And fun. I don’t regret a thing.”
“Are you saying goodbye?” Jun asked quietly.
“What else is left for me to say?” Sho sighed, hating the compression he was feeling in his chest. It felt too tight and suffocating; every breath was a task. “I didn’t come here looking for an answer. I just needed you to hear me out, and you did that.”
“Why are you talking as if you already know what I have to say?” Jun asked, and now he sounded frustrated and borderline angry. He took off the hat and ran a hand through his hair.
Sho had to look away. “One rejection was enough, Matsumoto-san.” He didn’t want to use Jun’s name; he was afraid of the effect it still had on him. “You don’t need to add another nail in the coffin. You did say we can’t see one another anymore.”
“And I stand by that,” Jun said stubbornly.
Sho wanted to hit him; his chest ached at every word.
“We can’t see each other anymore,” Jun stated. “We can’t...do what we’ve been doing. Not anymore.”
“And you said I’m the cruel one,” Sho said, managing a weak laugh. Jun knew Sho liked him. He knew, and he still said such a thing to Sho’s face.
Sho wondered how desperate he must look that Jun saw fit to remind him of how things stood between them since that night. They used to have a good relationship, and it fell apart in a moment of vulnerability. Sho blamed himself, but he couldn’t help hating Jun for being so heartless with his statements.
Sho tried to muster some strength to his legs so he could move and get as far away from here as possible. Why was he sitting here and enduring such a harsh thing from a person who had rejected him multiple times?
Jun wasn’t worth all this.
Sho fished Jun’s key from his pocket and toyed with it for a few moments. “Can I just ask a few things before I go?” he asked, keeping his eyes down. He’d return the key once he had his answers.
In his periphery, he caught Jun nodding.
“What made you say such a thing to my face? Did I ever do something that warranted it? Have I hurt you unknowingly? Is this...payback?” His voice cracked, and he released a shuddering breath.
Pathetic, Sho thought. He was downright pathetic. He wanted to forget this night.
He sneaked a glance in Jun’s direction and saw Jun looking so lost.
“Sho-san,” Jun said, and Sho shook his head.
“Please don’t say my name,” he begged, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to remember the way Jun uttered his name. “Please just answer the questions so I can take my leave.”
Jun shook his head slowly. “No. In all the months we had together, you’ve never done anything wrong.”
So Jun was simply a cruel person? Sho liked to think otherwise despite the situation. Jun had been nothing but honest to him from day one. Exacting in his demands but unfailingly honest, unless he was deliberately being obtuse in an attempt to hide something.
“I was happy in those months,” Jun said, flashing him a sad smile. Sho stared; he was struck with the sincerity he could hear in Jun’s tone. “I was happy every Saturday. Our arrangement was that we’d meet every Saturday, and you’d hand over everything to me.”
Jun paused, giving him a soft look.
“On Saturdays, you belonged to me,” Jun muttered. “And I’ve never been happier.”
It was Saturday today, and Sho exhaled in a rush as he remembered. “If you were happy with it, why say that we can’t do it anymore? What’s stopping you from making a commitment now?”
Jun sighed, a shaky puff of breath that made his bottom lip tremble.
“Saturdays are no longer enough,” Jun answered, his eyes shut.
Sho stilled, more so when Jun opened his eyes to look at him.
“That’s why I didn’t,” Jun explained, the angle of his lips quirked upwards. “That night, when you opened your arms in invitation, I didn’t accept because I knew if I did, I’d be breaking what we agreed on.”
“Breaking how?” The edges of Jun’s key was biting onto Sho’s palm because of how tight he was gripping it.
“Because I wouldn’t let you go,” Jun admitted. “And that’s selfish; I only take whatever you give me, nothing more.”
“I was giving it,” Sho insisted. “Look at me.”
Jun did.
“I was giving it,” Sho repeated, meaning every word. “I opened my arms because I wanted you. Not because you gave me this mind-blowing orgasm—though it was a huge factor and what pushed me into going for it in the first place. But I did it because I wanted you. I offered that willingly.”
“I’m selfish,” Jun almost whispered, eyeing Sho warily. “You don’t even know how much.”
Sho arched an eyebrow. “I have more than seven months of experience; I think I know how much we’re talking about here.”
Jun shook his head fiercely. “That’s nothing compared to how it really is. Do you understand? I called it off because you were entering something you had no idea about. You were in this just for the experience.”
“That was before I liked you,” Sho pointed out. “Why are you making this so difficult? Why are you holding yourself back?”
When Jun turned his head away, Sho resisted the temptation to slam his hand down the table’s surface.
“Honesty, Jun,” he said instead. “You promised me you’d be honest with me as long as I did the same. And right now, I am. So won’t you reciprocate?”
Jun leaned back in his seat, and under the light, he looked so fatigued and weary.
“I want you to be happy,” Jun said plainly, seriously. It caught Sho in surprise, “Always. Our agreement worked as long as you were happy; you being happy was enough for me. Until it wasn’t and I wanted more from you, and I lost control.”
Sho’s hand flew to clutch at the inside of his thigh. The mark Jun had left on him already faded, but the feeling of Jun sucking the skin sore had lingered.
“You left a hickey,” Sho said, reeling in his smile at the sight of Jun’s ears turning pink. “In the most inconvenient of places at that; it chafed. But I liked it.”
Jun’s confused expression only spurred Sho to go on. “I liked the feeling of it. That night didn’t end well, but the morning after, no matter how much it stung, I treasured it. That was your mark. You left it on me, and I liked it. I felt yours, like you truly wanted me. Is that still true?”
Jun gave an almost imperceptible tilt of his head for an answer.
Not wanting to give up, Sho placed both elbows on the table so he could lean forward and see Jun’s face. “Do you want me?”
He didn’t miss how Jun squared his jaw. “Yes. Always.”
Molten heat pooled in Sho’s gut—a familiar feeling he hadn’t had in a while. “It’s still Saturday.”
Jun’s eyes fluttered shut. “We can’t.”
“Why not? Why not when it’s a Saturday?”
“Because you never agreed to any of this,” Jun reminded him. “You were mine, but only for as long as you don’t say cilantro. Outside the scenarios and whatever we agreed on, the Saturday rule doesn’t hold.”
“I’m older than you, Jun,” Sho pointed out. “I may be not as much of an expert like you when it came to this, but I’m an adult. I know what I want and am asking for it, which is why I’m asking you: do you want me back?”
“And I already told you that I do,” Jun said, sounding frustrated. “But we can’t.”
“Because you’re selfish and you think I can’t handle it?” Sho crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m selfish too, you know. We weren’t monogamous, but I never wanted anyone else since I started this with you.”
Jun let out a small chuckle. “Is that right.”
“Don’t gloat, and don’t try to escape the discussion.”
“I’m amused because I haven’t been with anyone else since I had your Saturdays, and it took me three months of being with you before I even realized that I didn’t want to have anybody who isn’t you.” Jun was shaking his head now. “Do you know what you’re asking for?”
“Yes,” Sho said. “I’m asking for you to take what you want because I’m giving it.”
Jun inhaled sharply, and Sho saw how he got his hands clenched into fists.
“Meet me halfway, Jun,” Sho said with a small, hopeful smile. “Is that so hard? We managed to do that once; we can do it again.”
“I won’t give you to anyone,” Jun declared, eyes locked on to Sho’s. “That’s how selfish I am.”
“I don’t mind,” Sho said honestly. “I don’t want anyone else.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Jun was looking at him as if he was gauging how serious Sho was, and Sho met his stare head-on to clear any doubts from his mind.
“Come home with me,” Jun whispered, and Sho caught the hope in his voice, the fear of rejection with the way his voice trembled.
Sho couldn’t help the smile that crept up his face. “Absolutely.”
--
Sho was expecting Jun’s car, but instead Jun led him to the train platform. They could’ve taken a taxi, but Sho figured Jun was trying to give him an out in case he changed his mind.
Jun had been so confident in all those other nights, but right now he was a bundle of nerves and uncertainties, and Sho wanted to do away with each so Jun would stop overthinking their situation.
They didn’t exchange a word inside the train, but Jun kept sending him furtive glances, as if he was checking that Sho was there and had every intention to get off in the same station.
The trip to Jun’s place was unhurried, and instead of the elevator, Jun opted for the stairs, leaving Sho with no choice but to follow. The climb was as quiet as the rest of their trip, and when they reached the door of Jun’s apartment, Jun let out a breath.
Sho decided to speak before Jun could. “If you’re giving me an out, I’m not taking it. I want this. I’m serious about this.”
He caught Jun smiling as Jun unlocked the door. “You’ll always have an out. I’ll always give you one.”
“Then I’ll always reject it,” Sho declared simply, stepping inside after Jun and shutting the door behind him. He inhaled and smelled nothing but Jun, and he felt at home.
Jun removed his hat and jacket, depositing them on the hooks of his coat rack.
“This isn’t so simple,” Jun said, facing him. Behind his glasses were tired eyes, bags nearly reaching the level of his nasal bridge.
Sho laughed. “Nothing ever is. Not with you.”
Jun gave him an unamused look, but it only made him laugh more.
“It’s true,” Sho said, shoulders shaking in mirth. “Who made this rule that we can’t contact each other unless it was to talk about our meetup? Do you have any idea how inconvenient that was?”
“Inconvenient?” Jun frowned.
Sho merely nodded. “I wanted to tell you so many things. But no, all I could show you was photos of my fingernails as proof that I wasn’t biting onto them out of nervousness. I really wanted to show you the library’s book acquisitions; I know you like books. I wanted to recommend titles to you.”
Jun removed his glasses and folded them, fingers moving slowly and gracefully. He was smiling. “Do you still have these titles?”
Sho tried not to look too affected. “Yeah,” he said, as nonchalantly as he could manage.
“Tell me later then,” Jun said before handing the glasses to him. “Hold these.”
Sho took them.
“Hold them as I undress you.”
That made Sho’s grip around the frames tighten—Jun never undressed him before. Jun had always ordered him to strip, always contented himself with watching Sho lose one article of clothing after another, but that was then.
How long did Jun try to suppress the desire to undo each button, to pull zippers down in his own pace?
Jun took things slowly, pushing Sho’s jacket off his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. Jun took one step back, towards his flat since they were still at the genkan, but his hands remained on Sho, clutching at Sho’s shirt.
They took steps together—Jun going backwards and Sho forwards—each time they discarded a piece of Sho’s outfit. Sho helped Jun by moving his limbs accordingly, and by the time they made it to Jun’s bedroom, Sho was naked and only had Jun’s glasses in his hand. Jun took the glasses from him and placed it on the dresser before facing him once more.
Jun placed one palm flat on Sho’s chest, right over the skin of his heart. Instinctively, Sho reached for Jun’s pulse, grasping the bones of Jun’s pale wrist as Jun continued to feel for his heartbeat.
For a minute, Sho simply felt. Jun’s pulse was quicker and stronger in amplitude—a proof of his nervousness. No matter how hard Sho’s heart thumped in his ribcage, Jun’s heart rate exceeded his.
“I can feel your heart,” Jun whispered, eyes soft. He looked like he didn’t fully comprehend what he’d just said.
“I’m just as scared as you,” Sho said instead, and Jun’s eyes instantly focused on his. He tightened his grip on Jun’s wrist in case Jun would think of pulling away. “But I want this. I really want this.”
“I want you,” Jun admitted. “I’ve always wanted you.”
At that, Sho let Jun go, only to take Jun’s face in his hands. He’d always wanted to hold Jun like this, to have the texture of his skin beneath his fingertips. As attractive as Jun was, he wasn’t perfect; he had tiny craters on his face left by acne, and Sho wanted to kiss every mark that littered his face.
Jun felt real under Sho’s touch, human and vulnerable, and Sho’s heart swelled at the raw emotion on Jun’s face.
“You have me,” Sho said. “You can do anything you want to me.”
Jun shuddered, his long eyelashes fanning his cheeks as his eyes fluttered shut.
“But I don’t know what to do,” Sho continued, and Jun looked at him once more, expression fond and affectionate. “So guide me.”
Jun held his wrists, gently prying Sho’s hands from his face. Sho could only watch as Jun kissed his knuckles, the slow brushes of his lips a little ticklish. Jun’s mouth traveled until he reached Sho’s wrists, repeatedly kissing the whites.
“Do you trust me?” Jun asked softly.
Sho didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Of course.”
Jun stroked the side of his face. “Get on the bed.”
“On my knees?” Sho asked; whenever Jun would ask him to get on the bed, it was either on his hands and knees or his head hanging off the edge.
Jun smiled, shaking his head. “I want you to lie on the center of my bed, your back against my sheets,” Jun said against his ear. “It’s been too long since I could smell you off them.”
“You did miss me,” Sho concluded, grinning. “How often—?”
“Every time I had to drop you off after driving you home,” Jun answered. “Happy?”
“Very,” Sho said; his smile could split his face. “You’re hard to read most of the time because of your features, so hearing these things make me happy.”
Jun nudged him towards the bed and he finally relented, fluffing the pillows before resting his back comfortably on them. Jun’s sheets were crisp and smelled like fresh linen, the intricate pattern sewn into them was something Sho’s fingers followed like a path.
He turned to his left when he heard the bedside drawer opening, and he immediately lifted his arms in cooperation as soon as he saw the cuffs.
“How do you want to use them on me?” he asked.
“I want to strap you to my headboard,” Jun said.
Sho maintained both of his arms raised above his head, relishing in the soft clink emitted by the cuffs locking into place. His arms strung up had him completely bare before Jun, and Jun straddled him despite being fully clothed.
“How come your jeans have slits on the knee?” Sho asked curiously. Jun wore tight-fitting ones, a pair which encased his thighs gloriously, but the knee slits were something Sho didn’t expect.
“It’s called style,” Jun told him, hands flat on his chest. “These are YSL.”
Sho laughed, loud in the silence of Jun’s apartment. He didn’t even flinch when Jun pinched his side. “I’m not even surprised it’s that expensive.”
“I’ll have you know I won’t be a cheap date,” Jun informed him, hands roaming over his torso, marking territory.
“The silk socks weren’t cheap,” Sho said, hissing when Jun pinched his nipple, causing it to harden.
Jun cupped Sho’s jaw, tongue clucking against the roof of his palate. “How come you weren’t so talkative in the other times we did this?”
Sho blinked. “Aside from the fact that you had me gagged eight times out of ten so every word I tried to say was incomprehensible?”
“Aside from that.”
Sho shrugged his shoulders, or at least as much as he could with his arms raised. “I wasn’t that nervous. Talking helps.”
“But now you’re going to shut up and watch me,” Jun said, placing a finger over Sho’s lips. “I’ve long wanted to do this.”
Sho was about to ask “do what” but Jun ducked and began raining kisses on his skin, licking up bony prominences and sucking noisily at any dip his mouth came across. Sho squirmed under Jun’s mouth, at the attention Jun was lavishing him with. Jun had never been this patient and explorative. Sho sighed happily, biting his bottom lip when Jun started to suck at his nipple.
“Jun,” Sho gasped, spine curving under the heat of Jun’s mouth. “I want you.”
“You’ll have me,” Jun promised, running a teasing thumb over Sho’s clavicle.
Jun moved off him and Sho watched open-mouthed as Jun began taking off his shirt, tossing it behind him. Jun’s torso was as muscular as Sho had imagined, his chest and shoulders taking up most of his bulk.
Sho licked his lips, eyes fixated on the beauty mark beside Jun’s left nipple.
“Like what you see?” Jun asked, sounding smug.
Sho rolled his eyes. “Forgive me for staring, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen you naked.” If Sho would be asked to enumerate all the parts of Jun’s body that he’d seen aside from Jun’s face, neck, and hands, Jun’s cock was the only body part he could answer.
Which he was looking at right now, smirking at the sight of it tenting in Jun’s tight jeans.
Jun, having noticed Sho’s line of sight, began palming himself through his pants. Sho moistened his lips unconsciously; it had been too long since he’d tasted Jun.
“What do you want?” Jun asked.
“You,” Sho answered in a rush.
Jun smiled. “Be more specific.”
“Let me suck you off,” Sho said.
Jun climbed over his chest as he unzipped his jeans, and Sho wasn’t even surprised at Jun’s lack of underwear. A pair of jeans that tight—of course Jun went commando.
Sho was grateful for it, lips parting the moment Jun took hold of himself and husked above him, “Open.”
Having Jun’s length sliding against his tongue was a familiar but sorely missed feeling. Sho couldn’t help moaning in appreciation, hearing Jun’s quiet “fuck” as vibrations ran through the shaft. Jun began with shallow thrusts, pulling back just to have Sho gasping and drooling.
Sho was aware that Jun’s precious YSL now had his saliva, but a glance on Jun’s face told him Jun didn’t mind. Jun’s eyes were dark and zeroed on his mouth, at the way he opened the moment Jun had the tip of his cock touch Sho’s lips.
Determined to satisfy Jun, Sho hummed around each suck, hollowing his cheeks whenever Jun would go as far as he could, till he could reach Sho’s throat. Sho missed being used by Jun like this and his body thrummed in happiness.
Jun had the muscles of Sho’s throat clenching and unclenching around the tip before he withdrew, making Sho gasp as a thread of glistening saliva clung to Sho’s bottom lip. His mouth felt sore but the throb was welcomed, and from the way Jun was eyeing his lips, Sho was certain the mess on his chin wasn’t an issue.
Jun left the bed to shuck off his jeans, and finally, he was completely naked. His cock was hard and wet thanks to Sho’s mouth, curving prettily up his navel, and Sho gave himself time to appreciate everything he could see: Jun’s thick, pale thighs, his flushed cock, the lack of hair on his lower extremities.
A dip on the mattress signalled that Jun had rejoined him on the bed, and Jun positioned himself between Sho’s legs, hooking an arm under his knee to expose his hole.
He was expecting Jun to reach for the lube and start preparing him, but instead Jun anchored his ankle over a broad shoulder and planted kisses on his calf.
Sho felt loved, sighing contentedly as Jun littered his skin with soft kisses. It served as a distraction; he was a bit startled by the feeling of a cold and slick finger circling his hole but he relaxed eventually, allowing Jun to begin stretching him.
He settled for a quiet sigh as Jun added another finger, both moving in and out of him with ease. He found Jun looking at him, watching his face as a finger grazed his prostate. Sho’s hips lifted off the bed, but Jun’s hold on his leg pulled him back down.
At three fingers, Sho was nearly mewling. “Please,” he begged, riding Jun’s fingers. “Please, Jun.” He was ready, so ready that he was dripping for Jun’s cock, clenching around Jun’s digits.
Jun shifted to reach for the nightstand, but Sho shook his head.
“Don’t,” he said. “I want to feel you.”
Jun’s eyes widened, hand freezing mid-air. “Are you sure?”
“You asked me earlier if I trust you,” Sho said. “I’ve never been so sure.”
Instead of replying, Jun put down his leg and ducked, his mouth latching onto the crest of Sho’s hip, repeatedly sucking on the bony part with the intention of leaving a mark. When Jun seemed satisfied with his latest creation, he rested his cheek against Sho’s stomach, hands clutching territorially on Sho’s hips.
“I like you,” Jun whispered against his navel, kissing the small hole left by Sho’s former piercing.
Sho sniffed, feeling overwhelmed. “You have no idea how long I wanted to hear that.”
Jun kissed his navel once more. “I won’t keep you waiting anymore.”
Jun grabbed the lube and squirted a generous amount on his palm, reaching down to slick himself thoroughly. Sho spread his legs without any prompting, allowing Jun to line himself up, sighing as soon as Jun slid inside him.
He hooked his legs around Jun’s thighs, taking measured breaths as he bottomed out. Jun had braced himself by placing both palms beside his head, and Sho gave him a nod to indicate that he was ready.
Jun moved. It was slow but every thrust had Sho groaning; Jun was pulling out until only the head of his cock was inside before slamming all the way in. His thrusts were evenly paced, like he wanted to savor each time his body collided with Sho’s.
Sho turned his head to the side, breathing hard as he tried to meet each snap of Jun’s hips.
“Look at me,” Jun grunted above him, and Sho did. “I didn’t get to see your face the last time.”
Jun punctuated his order with a sharp thrust, one that had Sho tugging at his restraints. The metal chain of the cuffs clinked, and Jun increased his tempo, his brows coming together as he focused on fucking Sho.
Seeing the concentration on Jun’s face and the fiery look in Jun’s eyes, Sho couldn’t help gasping between his groans. “I wish,” he tried, ending in a moan when Jun hit something that sent electricity down to his toes, “I wish I was wearing the collar right now.”
He heard Jun inhale sharply, retaliating by not holding back. Sho almost laughed, except that air felt trapped in his lungs with each movement.
“Imagine it. If I wore it, every time you open your eyes, you’re going to see what’s yours,” Sho grunted, meeting Jun’s frenzied movements halfway with each buck of his hips.
Jun cursed, and he reached up, fingers fumbling for the lock of the cuffs. One of Sho’s wrists got freed in its binds, dropping to the mattress before Sho’s fingers gripped the sheets tight.
“Choose,” Jun husked, mouthing wetly at the shell of his ear. “Either you touch yourself and make yourself come, or you touch me as I fuck you.”
Sho’s cock twitched at the offer, demanding friction now that Sho could give it.
The choice was easy.
Sho wrapped an arm around Jun’s back, nails digging into firm muscle as Jun drove into him. He bared his neck, letting Jun nip at his rushed pulse. He scratched and left scarlet lines when Jun lost his rhythm, making Jun hiss as he mindlessly chased after his pleasure.
“In me,” Sho choked, refusing to let Jun go. He tightened his legs around Jun’s thighs, his free hand clutching at Jun’s shoulder. “Come in me.”
“Sho,” Jun was saying, his orgasm within reach. “Sho, Sho—”
Sho held on, sighing when he felt Jun’s warm release inside him. Jun’s cock slid in and out of him a few more times as Jun rode his orgasm out, before Jun collapsed right on top of him, panting in exhaustion against his jaw.
His nails dug in Jun’s biceps when Jun reached for his cock, jerking him off in fast, sure strokes.
“Come for me,” Jun demanded breathlessly, teeth nipping at the curve of his jaw. “You’ve been so good. You’re such a good boy, come for me like a good boy.”
Sho’s body shook as his thighs tingled, cock twitching in Jun’s grip as he spilled between their bodies. His release hit his abdomen and Jun’s, but he felt so out of it, pleasantly floating someplace else.
When his high subsided, his wrists were both free and Jun was lying on his side, one hand stroking his cheek tenderly.
Despite the bone-deep exhaustion Sho could feel, he pushed himself up a bit and shut his eyes, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jun’s mouth.
Jun gripped his jaw tight, eyes searching his.
Sho froze and time seemed to have stopped—did he get carried away again?
Jun tugged his face close, and Sho squeaked in surprise when Jun bridged the gap and kissed him.
This was the first time.
On instinct, Sho reached up and grabbed what he could. Jun’s hair, Jun’s nape, the sides of Jun’s face—he just wanted to know if it was real. They’d never kissed before; Jun had never taken the initiative and Sho had stuck with the rules all this time.
He parted his lips for Jun’s tongue and moaned against Jun’s mouth, melting against the sheets as Jun kissed him thoroughly, staking a claim over this part of his body, stealing all the oxygen from his lungs.
Sho tugged Jun on top of him, meeting every kiss eagerly, enthusiastically. Jun tasted like wine and cigarettes, but each swipe of his tongue against Sho’s was a feeling Sho wasn’t used to yet, and he wanted more even if he found it difficult to breathe.
Jun broke the kiss eventually, panting against his mouth. “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”
“Why didn’t you?” Sho asked, giving in to another kiss. “You knew I’d let you do anything you wanted to me.”
Jun’s laugh sounded better when he did it right over Sho’s overused and sore lips. “That’s precisely why I didn’t. I never kissed you because I knew you’d let me on a Saturday. I wanted to do it once I had the knowledge that you were kissing me back not because you had to, but because you wanted to.”
“I do want to,” Sho assured him, pressing his mouth against Jun’s once more. “I don’t know if I can stop.”
Jun’s chuckle was infectious. “You’re being ridiculous. Of course you can stop.”
“Not anytime soon. Kiss me.” Jun did, a rather noisy peck that had Sho wanting more. “Kiss me again.” Jun obliged, and Sho linked his arms around Jun’s nape. “Again.” They shared another, one that was longer than the previous. “And again.” Jun nipped on his bottom lip before he withdrew, but he didn’t go far, brushing his lips over Sho’s in featherlight touches. “To make up for all the times we didn’t when we both wanted to.”
Jun grabbed his shoulders and rolled to his back, and being on top, Sho was given more control. He kissed Jun the way he’d always wanted to, not caring if he could no longer distinguish Jun’s taste from the feel inside his mouth. They kept at it for a long while, until Sho had to pull away.
“My lips ache,” he complained.
Jun laughed, brushing away the hair that concealed his forehead before dropping a soft kiss there. “Then I did my job.”
Sho felt Jun’s arms looping possessively around his waist. They were both sticky, sweat cooling off their skin and on the drenched sheets, but for once, Jun didn’t seem to mind. Jun was touching his face, looking at him like there was something he hadn’t seen before.
“Next Saturday,” Jun began, and Sho hummed in question, “I want us to go to this seaside restaurant. They have your favorites: abalone, clams, oysters, scallops—you name it. We can even grill it ourselves.”
Sho couldn’t hold back his delighted smile. “Jun, that sounds like a date.”
“It is a date,” Jun said. “You can say no if you’re not ready. I’ll understand.”
Sho shook his head, burying his face in the junction of Jun’s neck and shoulder. “Why would I say no?” He kissed the beauty mark under his lips. “I want it. I want it all. I want to be with you.”
Jun held him tight, nosing his hair. “I’m sorry for that time.”
“Forgiven,” Sho said, smiling against Jun’s neck. “But only if you make good on that dinner promise.”
Jun snorted, shaking his head in amusement. “I’ll make a reservation.”
Sho said nothing, instead settling into the comfort provided by Jun’s arms around him and the bulk of Jun’s body under his. The discomfort of their coupling from earlier was easy to ignore, at least for a few moments.
“Jun?”
“Hmm?”
Sho had to swallow a lump in his throat in order to say what he’d realized. “It’s no longer Saturday.”
Jun made no move to let him go, keeping him close. “I know.”
“May I stay?” he asked, daring to hope.
Jun kissed his hair.
“You don’t have to ask.”
Sho hid his smile and pressed closer, trying to find the way his body would slot perfectly against Jun’s. He didn’t rush though; they’d always have a next time.
It was Sunday, and Sho was right where he wanted to be.
--
They shared a tub that night and watched The Godfather after their prolonged bath. Jun made popcorn and kept trying to choke Sho by shoving too much in Sho’s mouth, eyes crinkling in laughter whenever Sho coughed some popcorn bits out.
They ended up having sex on Jun’s couch as the credits rolled in, the popcorn set aside in favor of more pressing matters. Sho sat in the space between Jun’s spread legs and Jun edged him until he couldn’t take it anymore, begging through clenched teeth as Jun left another mark on the spot where his jaw met his neck.
Jun merely eyed the mess Sho made and pressed a kiss to Sho’s temple. “Go get cleaned up and ready for bed.”
It was past three in the morning by the time they retired to bed, Sho immediately finding sleep as soon as his cheek hit the newly-replaced sheets. He woke up in the afternoon of that Sunday and padded his way to the dining room to find Jun making omurice.
It wasn’t the kind of morning after (or afternoon later, whatever) that Sho had been expecting, but Jun was a welcome and wanted sight. It was something he was willing to adjust to.
Jun drove him home after a soba dinner, but Jun was only able to leave his place two hours later because Sho had been able to seduce Jun into his bed.
Over time, the Saturday schedule had been mostly abolished. He could see Jun any day of the week just by sending a quick text or a hastily typed message via LINE. Jun’s LINE ID changed from Massan to Macchan—one of the nicknames Sho jokingly gave him but it caught on, especially when Sho felt like making requests.
Only one thing remained on Saturdays. While Jun was still sexually dominant and Sho remained sexually submissive, they decided they couldn’t adapt such roles into a lifestyle and mutually agreed to save Saturday for such activities. They still had sex (lots of it, in fact) outside Saturdays, but every new thing they wanted to try was reserved for the weekend.
The collar became a frequent accessory whenever they found time with each other. Jun wasn’t into vanilla that much, and Sho discovered that the surefire way to have Jun agreeing to a quick fuck was for him to wear the collar and make his demands.
The first time he’d tried it, he had Jun riding him while Jun’s hands remained clutching at the coil of leather around his neck.
Nothing turned Jun on more than the collar, so eventually, Sho decided to keep it with him.
Overall, it hadn’t been easy. Sho had to adjust to the mindset of having Jun as a boyfriend and not just a Saturday secret, and it took him some time to be able to do so. Jun had habits that surprised Sho, owned things that had Sho looking at him disbelief. Sho couldn’t do away with his snoring and it was often a cause of complaint for Jun, who never held back in voicing out what was on his mind.
But despite that, it worked. Not smoothly, but it did. Sho remained honest, talking things out with Jun, the two of them comprising until they come to an understanding or an agreement. It wasn’t perfect, but Sho wouldn’t have it any other way.
A year into knowing each other, Jun presented to him a thin silver bangle with a simple dotted pattern for a design. Sho thought it was Jun’s nondescript way of gifting another collar to him, but Jun pulled out a matching bangle and put it on his own wrist as soon as Sho had the jewelry on.
“This is a couple bracelet,” Sho declared, enjoying the way the tips of Jun’s ears flushed pink.
“It’s a bracelet,” Jun corrected.
“But you have the same one,” Sho pointed out. “That makes it a couple bracelet.”
“You’re annoying,” Jun said, which meant that he’d conceded and Sho was right.
Sho laughed, leaning over to kiss Jun’s cheek. “Thank you. I love it.”
Jun merely inclined his head in acknowledgement.
To return the favor, Sho decided to have Jun meet Ohno and sample Ohno’s lattes. They met up for lunch in the café across the library, and Sho noticed the way Ohno’s eyes lit up at the sight of him bringing a companion.
“Are you Sho-kun’s boyfriend?” Ohno asked outright, not paying any mind to Sho’s flustered reaction.
Jun extended his hand in greeting. “Matsumoto Jun. I heard about your latte art.”
Ohno shook his hand, beaming. “Ohno Satoshi. Do you have any requests on what you’d like to see on your cup?”
“Surprise me, Ohno-san,” Jun said, returning Ohno’s smile. “Sho-san told me you have a knack for creating odd caricatures.”
“Well, I guess you’ll find out later.” Ohno faced Sho, tilting his head to the side. “The usual, Sho-kun?”
“With extra sugar,” Sho said, nodding.
Ohno excused himself with a polite bow, disappearing behind the café counter. Across Sho, Jun was observing their surroundings, resting his hands on the polished oak table.
“This is a quiet place,” Jun told him, understanding evident in his eyes. “No wonder you like it here.”
“The library is quieter,” Sho said, glancing at the direction of the old edifice for emphasis. “But sometimes, I need the smell of coffee beans instead of old books.”
Jun rested his chin over his knuckles, observing Sho now. “Only sometimes? I thought you eat lunch here frequently.”
“Well, when Satoshi-kun invites me,” Sho explained.
“I find him intriguing,” Jun said, gaze flitting to the counter where Ohno was busy preparing two lattes. “Maybe I should bring Nino here sometime.”
“Maybe,” Sho said, wondering how that would go. He’d met Nino when Jun had held a Christmas party and introduced him to the guests as his boyfriend. If Nino had any suspicions that he and Sho met months prior, he’d given no indication of it.
Ohno approached their table, carefully placing the lattes he’d worked on. Sho’s cup had a drawing of what he’d assumed to be Doraemon.
“Is this Hamtaro?” Jun asked, pointing to his cup.
“I always thought he had similar cheeks with Sho-kun,” Ohno said as a reply, and Jun cracked a smile.
“We don’t,” Sho retorted. “My cheeks are not furry.”
“For what it’s worth, I find Hamtaro cute,” Jun said, flashing Ohno a friendly smile. “Thank you.”
“Enjoy your latte. Nice meeting you,” Ohno said, giving another bow before taking his leave.
Sho was grumbling about being compared to an animated hamster when he felt something brush his leg, nearly making him jolt. Across him, Jun had his phone out and was taking photos of his latte (another addition to his instagram, perhaps), but Sho felt the unmistakable brush of a clothed toe creep up under the hem of his slacks.
“Macchan,” he said in warning.
Jun blinked in question.
“That tickles,” Sho said, hoping it will make Jun cease playing footsie with him. Their table was at the corner of the café but there was no tablecloth to hide what Jun was doing—anyone could see it provided they looked down.
Jun’s toe brushed up his shin and he let out a breath.
“Are you wearing the socks I gave you?” he asked. Whatever it was that was constantly rubbing against him, it felt fine and expensive.
“Fine silk, wouldn’t you agree?” Jun said, face breaking into an innocent, boyish smile.
Sho sighed and removed one shoe to have his toes climb up Jun’s pant leg, and he didn’t miss how Jun’s pupils dilated the moment he made contact.
They drank their lattes mostly in silence, feet still touching each other under the table. Sho fought the blush that threatened to creep up his cheeks—they were in public and one of Sho’s friends could see them.
“Say,” Sho started, licking his lips to chaste away the remnants of the espresso, “what time do you head back to the office?”
Jun glanced at his watch for show. “I still have almost thirty minutes.”
“How long is the taxi ride?”
“Eight,” Jun answered. “Why?”
Sho did the math, assuming Jun would need ten minutes to call a cab and wait for it. He had the library to himself, though it was the intern Fuma who was manning the desk in his absence.
“Assuming you need ten minutes to arrange for a taxi to take you to work, that leaves us more than fifteen minutes,” Sho said, voice dropping in pitch.
Jun grinned. “Getting ideas now, Sho-san?”
“Well, I do have to head back and go straight to the delivery storage room after this.”
“Fifteen minutes?” Jun clarified.
“How fast can you get undressed?” Sho whispered.
“My record? Thirty seconds,” Jun bragged.
Sho’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”
“We had a relay during one of the company’s Christmas parties. We had to lose everything save for the boxers, and it took me twenty-eight seconds to stand in that event hall in just my underwear.” Jun’s eyebrow quirked—a familiar sight. “I only need a minute to get undressed and dressed.”
“Then we have fourteen minutes,” Sho concluded, putting his shoe back on. “Would you like to see our storage room?”
Jun laughed, finishing his latte before standing up and buttoning his suit jacket. “I’d love to.”
--
Their quickie in the storage room had Jun clamping his hand over Sho’s mouth to muffle Sho’s groans. It was eleven minutes to one in the afternoon by the time Jun had finished buttoning up his dress shirt, and Sho reached over to help him with his tie to make the process faster.
“I’d like to try something this weekend,” Jun said while shrugging on his suit jacket. He still had the healthy flush brought by sex coloring his cheeks, and Sho was tempted to kiss his cheekbones.
“Okay,” Sho said before giving in and leaning forward.
“I’ll email you,” Jun promised. They were at the door, and as soon as Jun makes his leave, Sho would return to work and to cataloguing outdated serials that had been unaddressed for weeks.
Sho nodded, and Jun reached for his wrist, thumb stroking the bracelet possessively.
“Until then,” Jun said, stepping back.
Sho watched Jun go, but not before telling him the truth.
“I look forward to Saturday.”
It hurt, being rejected like that.
He waited for an entire week but he received no email, at least none from Jun, and on the Saturday of that week, once he was certain Jun would never send him anything, he went to the café after his shift in the library and asked for Ohno’s best latte.
Ohno brought it over with a foam art of Totoro smiling, and Sho managed a weak smile at the sight of it.
“Bad day?” Ohno asked. He slid into the chair across Sho’s, concern evident in his eyes.
“It didn’t go well,” Sho said, finding that he couldn’t lie, not to Ohno.
Ohno was frowning. “What didn’t?”
“I was so sure,” Sho said, shaking his head at the memory. Ohno always had that uncanny ability to make him talk despite asking minimal questions. “I had been so sure, Satoshi-kun. So I went for it.”
Ohno’s eyes were narrowed, an expression of confusion etched on his face.
“It didn’t go well,” Sho repeated, a snort escaping from him. He sampled his latte and not even its rich taste could make him smile. “I shouldn’t have done it. But I kept thinking if I didn’t, I’d never know.”
It took a while for Ohno to speak, but when he did, Sho couldn’t take his eyes off him.
“Did you ever tell them?” Ohno asked quietly. “How you really feel?”
“Not verbally,” Sho clarified.
Ohno’s head was tilted to the side. “You made it sound that you were rejected even if you didn’t.”
“Because I was.”
“Without them knowing how you truly felt?”
Sho shook his head. “In spite of that, I was still rejected. It was so...humiliating. I wanted to flee. So I did.”
“And since then, you never saw them?”
Sho knew it was a Saturday today. Usually, after his shift, he’d be preparing himself to meet Jun come evening. He was so used to having his Suica card ready in his pocket as he waited for their appointed hour to arrive that now, he had no idea what to do since he couldn’t do that anymore.
“No,” Sho replied.
“I think you should tell them,” Ohno said after a brief moment of silence.
Sho stared at the man. “What else is left for me to say?”
“The truth,” Ohno answered simply. “If they’re as important to you as you think they are, you have to tell them. Even if they are going to reject you. You’d feel better, having said it out loud.”
“That’s...a strange way of approaching it,” Sho said, imagining the scenario.
Ohno shrugged. “Well, I don’t exactly know what’s going on here; I’m just going with what I’m picking up from you. But in our past conversations, you made it clear you’ve got good communication going on with this person. So I thought that maybe, you could use that to your own advantage.”
Sho fished out his phone from his pocket, finding no messages in any apps. He hesitated on clicking his LINE thread with Jun, but Ohno’s words rang in the back of his head.
“I’m going to regret this,” Sho said as soon as he tapped on the text box.
“Maybe,” Ohno said unhelpfully. “But who knows?”
I have something to tell you, was what Sho keyed in. He deleted the last two words and replaced it with say before deleting that again and retyping the original.
He reread his message until he got sick of it and tapped Send.
“There,” Sho declared, meeting Ohno’s gaze, “I sent a message.”
Ohno pointed to his lip. “You’ve got foam.”
Sho wiped it away using the back of his hand.
“And with that, I wish you good luck,” Ohno said with a smile.
Sho thanked Ohno, figuring he’d need it.
--
For two weeks, Sho received nothing save for the Read notification in the LINE thread, indicating Jun had seen his message but had chosen not to reply to it.
The sting Sho felt at that reality was hard to ignore. Weeks ago, for more than seven months in fact, he’d exchange messages with Jun and they’d plan their weekend together. While those weekends had mostly revolved around sex, there had been nights wherein Jun had tried out recipes for Sho and cooked Sho’s favorites. They’d even watched some of their favorite movies together, especially whenever they’d finished early and had hours left of their Saturday.
Jun had become a part of his routine and it was difficult to shake him off despite his absence. Jun haunted him, and sometimes, Sho dreamt of Jun and everything they’d done.
Only for him to wake up feeling more awful than before since things hadn’t ended in the right way between them.
He was wallowing in self-pity and perhaps moping when he finally received a response. It was on a rainy Saturday, a month after his message and since he’d last seen Jun.
What is it? was Jun’s overdue reply.
In person, Sho clarified, but he made sure to wait for ten minutes before typing and sending it so he wouldn’t look too eager. Did Jun only check the thread because he felt lonely? Rainy days tend to make people lonely, Sho thought.
Was Sho only a fallback?
I don’t think it’ll be wise for us to meet again. We can’t see each other anymore, was Jun’s response after almost five minutes.
Sho gripped his phone tight, reining in the bubble of burning rage that coursed through him. I don’t care what you think. I have something to say to you. And I won’t stop until you get to hear it.
Stop running, Sho wanted to scream, if only Jun were right in front of him. Stop running away from me.
His phone vibrated with another message. 9 PM tonight. Same bar. I’ll be waiting.
Sho checked the time and saw that Jun’s appointed time was only two hours away.
He let the Read notification become his response and began counting down to the hours.
--
As payback for the last time, Sho arrived in the private booth reserved under Jun’s name fifteen minutes later. He had to stop by the door for a moment to reel in the emotions; he hadn’t seen Jun in what felt like so long.
Jun wore another fedora that was as ugly as the one he’d worn the first time they’d officially met. He had the thick-rimmed glasses on, not the rounded ones that he often wore when he was at home.
Sho hated how much he was able to remember. Jun felt like an imprint, as striking and as vivid as the mark he’d left on Sho’s thigh on the last night they’d been together.
Sho slid into the seat across Jun without so much as a hello, opting to say nothing until his specified drink arrived and the waiter politely shut the door.
“I won’t apologize for making you wait,” was what Sho decided to say at first. “And no, I had no printer problems to speak of.”
“So you enjoyed making me anxious, thinking you might not arrive at all?” Jun asked, and his voice sounded hollow and devoid of emotion.
“Yes,” Sho said, not bothering to lie. “It was how I felt the first time we saw each other. I gathered you enjoyed doing that, so I wanted to give it a shot.”
“I didn’t do that out of cruelty,” Jun said slowly, pointedly.
Sho simply met his gaze. “You’re the one who took two weeks to respond, and you’re calling me cruel?” A laugh managed to escape from him, dry and sarcastic. He took a deep breath. “As soon as I get to say what I have to say, I’ll be going.”
Jun’s eyes narrowed under the brim of his hat, but Sho merely continued, “You said it wasn’t wise for us to meet anymore. So I’ll try not to take too much of your time.” He squared his shoulders before taking a generous sip of the scotch he’d ordered. He needed the burning rush of alcohol. “The last time…”
“You mean the last time we’ve been toge—we’ve seen one another?” Jun asked.
“Yes.” Sho gave Jun a look. “Please don’t interrupt.”
“Sorry,” Jun said, extending his palm as a gesture for Sho to continue.
“That time, I did what I did because I hoped,” Sho admitted, keeping his eyes on the amber liquid inside his glass. He could feel Jun’s stare on him and he willed himself not to react. “I hoped despite knowing it was a stupid thing to do.”
“Why did you do it then? If you knew it was stupid?” Jun asked, but he spoke in hushed tones, like he was holding something in and was afraid someone would hear them despite the impossibility of that happening.
“Because I liked you,” Sho said plainly, stupidly. He’d file this moment as another huge mistake as soon as he leaves this place, but he had to say it. Ohno had been right; he had to make things clear. “I liked you too much that for a moment, I forgot what we really were to each other.”
He lifted his gaze and stared at Jun’s face, taking it in for the last time. “I still do, by the way. Which is stupid, but I’ll get over it soon, hopefully. I just had to say it. I read somewhere that declaring things as they are was the first step in letting them go, so here I am trying that out.”
Sho picked up his glass and finished whatever remained of his drink. “So there. I’ll go now. Our time together was...informative, I guess. And fun. I don’t regret a thing.”
“Are you saying goodbye?” Jun asked quietly.
“What else is left for me to say?” Sho sighed, hating the compression he was feeling in his chest. It felt too tight and suffocating; every breath was a task. “I didn’t come here looking for an answer. I just needed you to hear me out, and you did that.”
“Why are you talking as if you already know what I have to say?” Jun asked, and now he sounded frustrated and borderline angry. He took off the hat and ran a hand through his hair.
Sho had to look away. “One rejection was enough, Matsumoto-san.” He didn’t want to use Jun’s name; he was afraid of the effect it still had on him. “You don’t need to add another nail in the coffin. You did say we can’t see one another anymore.”
“And I stand by that,” Jun said stubbornly.
Sho wanted to hit him; his chest ached at every word.
“We can’t see each other anymore,” Jun stated. “We can’t...do what we’ve been doing. Not anymore.”
“And you said I’m the cruel one,” Sho said, managing a weak laugh. Jun knew Sho liked him. He knew, and he still said such a thing to Sho’s face.
Sho wondered how desperate he must look that Jun saw fit to remind him of how things stood between them since that night. They used to have a good relationship, and it fell apart in a moment of vulnerability. Sho blamed himself, but he couldn’t help hating Jun for being so heartless with his statements.
Sho tried to muster some strength to his legs so he could move and get as far away from here as possible. Why was he sitting here and enduring such a harsh thing from a person who had rejected him multiple times?
Jun wasn’t worth all this.
Sho fished Jun’s key from his pocket and toyed with it for a few moments. “Can I just ask a few things before I go?” he asked, keeping his eyes down. He’d return the key once he had his answers.
In his periphery, he caught Jun nodding.
“What made you say such a thing to my face? Did I ever do something that warranted it? Have I hurt you unknowingly? Is this...payback?” His voice cracked, and he released a shuddering breath.
Pathetic, Sho thought. He was downright pathetic. He wanted to forget this night.
He sneaked a glance in Jun’s direction and saw Jun looking so lost.
“Sho-san,” Jun said, and Sho shook his head.
“Please don’t say my name,” he begged, closing his eyes. He didn’t want to remember the way Jun uttered his name. “Please just answer the questions so I can take my leave.”
Jun shook his head slowly. “No. In all the months we had together, you’ve never done anything wrong.”
So Jun was simply a cruel person? Sho liked to think otherwise despite the situation. Jun had been nothing but honest to him from day one. Exacting in his demands but unfailingly honest, unless he was deliberately being obtuse in an attempt to hide something.
“I was happy in those months,” Jun said, flashing him a sad smile. Sho stared; he was struck with the sincerity he could hear in Jun’s tone. “I was happy every Saturday. Our arrangement was that we’d meet every Saturday, and you’d hand over everything to me.”
Jun paused, giving him a soft look.
“On Saturdays, you belonged to me,” Jun muttered. “And I’ve never been happier.”
It was Saturday today, and Sho exhaled in a rush as he remembered. “If you were happy with it, why say that we can’t do it anymore? What’s stopping you from making a commitment now?”
Jun sighed, a shaky puff of breath that made his bottom lip tremble.
“Saturdays are no longer enough,” Jun answered, his eyes shut.
Sho stilled, more so when Jun opened his eyes to look at him.
“That’s why I didn’t,” Jun explained, the angle of his lips quirked upwards. “That night, when you opened your arms in invitation, I didn’t accept because I knew if I did, I’d be breaking what we agreed on.”
“Breaking how?” The edges of Jun’s key was biting onto Sho’s palm because of how tight he was gripping it.
“Because I wouldn’t let you go,” Jun admitted. “And that’s selfish; I only take whatever you give me, nothing more.”
“I was giving it,” Sho insisted. “Look at me.”
Jun did.
“I was giving it,” Sho repeated, meaning every word. “I opened my arms because I wanted you. Not because you gave me this mind-blowing orgasm—though it was a huge factor and what pushed me into going for it in the first place. But I did it because I wanted you. I offered that willingly.”
“I’m selfish,” Jun almost whispered, eyeing Sho warily. “You don’t even know how much.”
Sho arched an eyebrow. “I have more than seven months of experience; I think I know how much we’re talking about here.”
Jun shook his head fiercely. “That’s nothing compared to how it really is. Do you understand? I called it off because you were entering something you had no idea about. You were in this just for the experience.”
“That was before I liked you,” Sho pointed out. “Why are you making this so difficult? Why are you holding yourself back?”
When Jun turned his head away, Sho resisted the temptation to slam his hand down the table’s surface.
“Honesty, Jun,” he said instead. “You promised me you’d be honest with me as long as I did the same. And right now, I am. So won’t you reciprocate?”
Jun leaned back in his seat, and under the light, he looked so fatigued and weary.
“I want you to be happy,” Jun said plainly, seriously. It caught Sho in surprise, “Always. Our agreement worked as long as you were happy; you being happy was enough for me. Until it wasn’t and I wanted more from you, and I lost control.”
Sho’s hand flew to clutch at the inside of his thigh. The mark Jun had left on him already faded, but the feeling of Jun sucking the skin sore had lingered.
“You left a hickey,” Sho said, reeling in his smile at the sight of Jun’s ears turning pink. “In the most inconvenient of places at that; it chafed. But I liked it.”
Jun’s confused expression only spurred Sho to go on. “I liked the feeling of it. That night didn’t end well, but the morning after, no matter how much it stung, I treasured it. That was your mark. You left it on me, and I liked it. I felt yours, like you truly wanted me. Is that still true?”
Jun gave an almost imperceptible tilt of his head for an answer.
Not wanting to give up, Sho placed both elbows on the table so he could lean forward and see Jun’s face. “Do you want me?”
He didn’t miss how Jun squared his jaw. “Yes. Always.”
Molten heat pooled in Sho’s gut—a familiar feeling he hadn’t had in a while. “It’s still Saturday.”
Jun’s eyes fluttered shut. “We can’t.”
“Why not? Why not when it’s a Saturday?”
“Because you never agreed to any of this,” Jun reminded him. “You were mine, but only for as long as you don’t say cilantro. Outside the scenarios and whatever we agreed on, the Saturday rule doesn’t hold.”
“I’m older than you, Jun,” Sho pointed out. “I may be not as much of an expert like you when it came to this, but I’m an adult. I know what I want and am asking for it, which is why I’m asking you: do you want me back?”
“And I already told you that I do,” Jun said, sounding frustrated. “But we can’t.”
“Because you’re selfish and you think I can’t handle it?” Sho crossed his arms over his chest. “I’m selfish too, you know. We weren’t monogamous, but I never wanted anyone else since I started this with you.”
Jun let out a small chuckle. “Is that right.”
“Don’t gloat, and don’t try to escape the discussion.”
“I’m amused because I haven’t been with anyone else since I had your Saturdays, and it took me three months of being with you before I even realized that I didn’t want to have anybody who isn’t you.” Jun was shaking his head now. “Do you know what you’re asking for?”
“Yes,” Sho said. “I’m asking for you to take what you want because I’m giving it.”
Jun inhaled sharply, and Sho saw how he got his hands clenched into fists.
“Meet me halfway, Jun,” Sho said with a small, hopeful smile. “Is that so hard? We managed to do that once; we can do it again.”
“I won’t give you to anyone,” Jun declared, eyes locked on to Sho’s. “That’s how selfish I am.”
“I don’t mind,” Sho said honestly. “I don’t want anyone else.”
For a moment, neither of them spoke. Jun was looking at him as if he was gauging how serious Sho was, and Sho met his stare head-on to clear any doubts from his mind.
“Come home with me,” Jun whispered, and Sho caught the hope in his voice, the fear of rejection with the way his voice trembled.
Sho couldn’t help the smile that crept up his face. “Absolutely.”
--
Sho was expecting Jun’s car, but instead Jun led him to the train platform. They could’ve taken a taxi, but Sho figured Jun was trying to give him an out in case he changed his mind.
Jun had been so confident in all those other nights, but right now he was a bundle of nerves and uncertainties, and Sho wanted to do away with each so Jun would stop overthinking their situation.
They didn’t exchange a word inside the train, but Jun kept sending him furtive glances, as if he was checking that Sho was there and had every intention to get off in the same station.
The trip to Jun’s place was unhurried, and instead of the elevator, Jun opted for the stairs, leaving Sho with no choice but to follow. The climb was as quiet as the rest of their trip, and when they reached the door of Jun’s apartment, Jun let out a breath.
Sho decided to speak before Jun could. “If you’re giving me an out, I’m not taking it. I want this. I’m serious about this.”
He caught Jun smiling as Jun unlocked the door. “You’ll always have an out. I’ll always give you one.”
“Then I’ll always reject it,” Sho declared simply, stepping inside after Jun and shutting the door behind him. He inhaled and smelled nothing but Jun, and he felt at home.
Jun removed his hat and jacket, depositing them on the hooks of his coat rack.
“This isn’t so simple,” Jun said, facing him. Behind his glasses were tired eyes, bags nearly reaching the level of his nasal bridge.
Sho laughed. “Nothing ever is. Not with you.”
Jun gave him an unamused look, but it only made him laugh more.
“It’s true,” Sho said, shoulders shaking in mirth. “Who made this rule that we can’t contact each other unless it was to talk about our meetup? Do you have any idea how inconvenient that was?”
“Inconvenient?” Jun frowned.
Sho merely nodded. “I wanted to tell you so many things. But no, all I could show you was photos of my fingernails as proof that I wasn’t biting onto them out of nervousness. I really wanted to show you the library’s book acquisitions; I know you like books. I wanted to recommend titles to you.”
Jun removed his glasses and folded them, fingers moving slowly and gracefully. He was smiling. “Do you still have these titles?”
Sho tried not to look too affected. “Yeah,” he said, as nonchalantly as he could manage.
“Tell me later then,” Jun said before handing the glasses to him. “Hold these.”
Sho took them.
“Hold them as I undress you.”
That made Sho’s grip around the frames tighten—Jun never undressed him before. Jun had always ordered him to strip, always contented himself with watching Sho lose one article of clothing after another, but that was then.
How long did Jun try to suppress the desire to undo each button, to pull zippers down in his own pace?
Jun took things slowly, pushing Sho’s jacket off his shoulders and letting it drop to the floor. Jun took one step back, towards his flat since they were still at the genkan, but his hands remained on Sho, clutching at Sho’s shirt.
They took steps together—Jun going backwards and Sho forwards—each time they discarded a piece of Sho’s outfit. Sho helped Jun by moving his limbs accordingly, and by the time they made it to Jun’s bedroom, Sho was naked and only had Jun’s glasses in his hand. Jun took the glasses from him and placed it on the dresser before facing him once more.
Jun placed one palm flat on Sho’s chest, right over the skin of his heart. Instinctively, Sho reached for Jun’s pulse, grasping the bones of Jun’s pale wrist as Jun continued to feel for his heartbeat.
For a minute, Sho simply felt. Jun’s pulse was quicker and stronger in amplitude—a proof of his nervousness. No matter how hard Sho’s heart thumped in his ribcage, Jun’s heart rate exceeded his.
“I can feel your heart,” Jun whispered, eyes soft. He looked like he didn’t fully comprehend what he’d just said.
“I’m just as scared as you,” Sho said instead, and Jun’s eyes instantly focused on his. He tightened his grip on Jun’s wrist in case Jun would think of pulling away. “But I want this. I really want this.”
“I want you,” Jun admitted. “I’ve always wanted you.”
At that, Sho let Jun go, only to take Jun’s face in his hands. He’d always wanted to hold Jun like this, to have the texture of his skin beneath his fingertips. As attractive as Jun was, he wasn’t perfect; he had tiny craters on his face left by acne, and Sho wanted to kiss every mark that littered his face.
Jun felt real under Sho’s touch, human and vulnerable, and Sho’s heart swelled at the raw emotion on Jun’s face.
“You have me,” Sho said. “You can do anything you want to me.”
Jun shuddered, his long eyelashes fanning his cheeks as his eyes fluttered shut.
“But I don’t know what to do,” Sho continued, and Jun looked at him once more, expression fond and affectionate. “So guide me.”
Jun held his wrists, gently prying Sho’s hands from his face. Sho could only watch as Jun kissed his knuckles, the slow brushes of his lips a little ticklish. Jun’s mouth traveled until he reached Sho’s wrists, repeatedly kissing the whites.
“Do you trust me?” Jun asked softly.
Sho didn’t hesitate. “Yes. Of course.”
Jun stroked the side of his face. “Get on the bed.”
“On my knees?” Sho asked; whenever Jun would ask him to get on the bed, it was either on his hands and knees or his head hanging off the edge.
Jun smiled, shaking his head. “I want you to lie on the center of my bed, your back against my sheets,” Jun said against his ear. “It’s been too long since I could smell you off them.”
“You did miss me,” Sho concluded, grinning. “How often—?”
“Every time I had to drop you off after driving you home,” Jun answered. “Happy?”
“Very,” Sho said; his smile could split his face. “You’re hard to read most of the time because of your features, so hearing these things make me happy.”
Jun nudged him towards the bed and he finally relented, fluffing the pillows before resting his back comfortably on them. Jun’s sheets were crisp and smelled like fresh linen, the intricate pattern sewn into them was something Sho’s fingers followed like a path.
He turned to his left when he heard the bedside drawer opening, and he immediately lifted his arms in cooperation as soon as he saw the cuffs.
“How do you want to use them on me?” he asked.
“I want to strap you to my headboard,” Jun said.
Sho maintained both of his arms raised above his head, relishing in the soft clink emitted by the cuffs locking into place. His arms strung up had him completely bare before Jun, and Jun straddled him despite being fully clothed.
“How come your jeans have slits on the knee?” Sho asked curiously. Jun wore tight-fitting ones, a pair which encased his thighs gloriously, but the knee slits were something Sho didn’t expect.
“It’s called style,” Jun told him, hands flat on his chest. “These are YSL.”
Sho laughed, loud in the silence of Jun’s apartment. He didn’t even flinch when Jun pinched his side. “I’m not even surprised it’s that expensive.”
“I’ll have you know I won’t be a cheap date,” Jun informed him, hands roaming over his torso, marking territory.
“The silk socks weren’t cheap,” Sho said, hissing when Jun pinched his nipple, causing it to harden.
Jun cupped Sho’s jaw, tongue clucking against the roof of his palate. “How come you weren’t so talkative in the other times we did this?”
Sho blinked. “Aside from the fact that you had me gagged eight times out of ten so every word I tried to say was incomprehensible?”
“Aside from that.”
Sho shrugged his shoulders, or at least as much as he could with his arms raised. “I wasn’t that nervous. Talking helps.”
“But now you’re going to shut up and watch me,” Jun said, placing a finger over Sho’s lips. “I’ve long wanted to do this.”
Sho was about to ask “do what” but Jun ducked and began raining kisses on his skin, licking up bony prominences and sucking noisily at any dip his mouth came across. Sho squirmed under Jun’s mouth, at the attention Jun was lavishing him with. Jun had never been this patient and explorative. Sho sighed happily, biting his bottom lip when Jun started to suck at his nipple.
“Jun,” Sho gasped, spine curving under the heat of Jun’s mouth. “I want you.”
“You’ll have me,” Jun promised, running a teasing thumb over Sho’s clavicle.
Jun moved off him and Sho watched open-mouthed as Jun began taking off his shirt, tossing it behind him. Jun’s torso was as muscular as Sho had imagined, his chest and shoulders taking up most of his bulk.
Sho licked his lips, eyes fixated on the beauty mark beside Jun’s left nipple.
“Like what you see?” Jun asked, sounding smug.
Sho rolled his eyes. “Forgive me for staring, but this is the first time I’ve actually seen you naked.” If Sho would be asked to enumerate all the parts of Jun’s body that he’d seen aside from Jun’s face, neck, and hands, Jun’s cock was the only body part he could answer.
Which he was looking at right now, smirking at the sight of it tenting in Jun’s tight jeans.
Jun, having noticed Sho’s line of sight, began palming himself through his pants. Sho moistened his lips unconsciously; it had been too long since he’d tasted Jun.
“What do you want?” Jun asked.
“You,” Sho answered in a rush.
Jun smiled. “Be more specific.”
“Let me suck you off,” Sho said.
Jun climbed over his chest as he unzipped his jeans, and Sho wasn’t even surprised at Jun’s lack of underwear. A pair of jeans that tight—of course Jun went commando.
Sho was grateful for it, lips parting the moment Jun took hold of himself and husked above him, “Open.”
Having Jun’s length sliding against his tongue was a familiar but sorely missed feeling. Sho couldn’t help moaning in appreciation, hearing Jun’s quiet “fuck” as vibrations ran through the shaft. Jun began with shallow thrusts, pulling back just to have Sho gasping and drooling.
Sho was aware that Jun’s precious YSL now had his saliva, but a glance on Jun’s face told him Jun didn’t mind. Jun’s eyes were dark and zeroed on his mouth, at the way he opened the moment Jun had the tip of his cock touch Sho’s lips.
Determined to satisfy Jun, Sho hummed around each suck, hollowing his cheeks whenever Jun would go as far as he could, till he could reach Sho’s throat. Sho missed being used by Jun like this and his body thrummed in happiness.
Jun had the muscles of Sho’s throat clenching and unclenching around the tip before he withdrew, making Sho gasp as a thread of glistening saliva clung to Sho’s bottom lip. His mouth felt sore but the throb was welcomed, and from the way Jun was eyeing his lips, Sho was certain the mess on his chin wasn’t an issue.
Jun left the bed to shuck off his jeans, and finally, he was completely naked. His cock was hard and wet thanks to Sho’s mouth, curving prettily up his navel, and Sho gave himself time to appreciate everything he could see: Jun’s thick, pale thighs, his flushed cock, the lack of hair on his lower extremities.
A dip on the mattress signalled that Jun had rejoined him on the bed, and Jun positioned himself between Sho’s legs, hooking an arm under his knee to expose his hole.
He was expecting Jun to reach for the lube and start preparing him, but instead Jun anchored his ankle over a broad shoulder and planted kisses on his calf.
Sho felt loved, sighing contentedly as Jun littered his skin with soft kisses. It served as a distraction; he was a bit startled by the feeling of a cold and slick finger circling his hole but he relaxed eventually, allowing Jun to begin stretching him.
He settled for a quiet sigh as Jun added another finger, both moving in and out of him with ease. He found Jun looking at him, watching his face as a finger grazed his prostate. Sho’s hips lifted off the bed, but Jun’s hold on his leg pulled him back down.
At three fingers, Sho was nearly mewling. “Please,” he begged, riding Jun’s fingers. “Please, Jun.” He was ready, so ready that he was dripping for Jun’s cock, clenching around Jun’s digits.
Jun shifted to reach for the nightstand, but Sho shook his head.
“Don’t,” he said. “I want to feel you.”
Jun’s eyes widened, hand freezing mid-air. “Are you sure?”
“You asked me earlier if I trust you,” Sho said. “I’ve never been so sure.”
Instead of replying, Jun put down his leg and ducked, his mouth latching onto the crest of Sho’s hip, repeatedly sucking on the bony part with the intention of leaving a mark. When Jun seemed satisfied with his latest creation, he rested his cheek against Sho’s stomach, hands clutching territorially on Sho’s hips.
“I like you,” Jun whispered against his navel, kissing the small hole left by Sho’s former piercing.
Sho sniffed, feeling overwhelmed. “You have no idea how long I wanted to hear that.”
Jun kissed his navel once more. “I won’t keep you waiting anymore.”
Jun grabbed the lube and squirted a generous amount on his palm, reaching down to slick himself thoroughly. Sho spread his legs without any prompting, allowing Jun to line himself up, sighing as soon as Jun slid inside him.
He hooked his legs around Jun’s thighs, taking measured breaths as he bottomed out. Jun had braced himself by placing both palms beside his head, and Sho gave him a nod to indicate that he was ready.
Jun moved. It was slow but every thrust had Sho groaning; Jun was pulling out until only the head of his cock was inside before slamming all the way in. His thrusts were evenly paced, like he wanted to savor each time his body collided with Sho’s.
Sho turned his head to the side, breathing hard as he tried to meet each snap of Jun’s hips.
“Look at me,” Jun grunted above him, and Sho did. “I didn’t get to see your face the last time.”
Jun punctuated his order with a sharp thrust, one that had Sho tugging at his restraints. The metal chain of the cuffs clinked, and Jun increased his tempo, his brows coming together as he focused on fucking Sho.
Seeing the concentration on Jun’s face and the fiery look in Jun’s eyes, Sho couldn’t help gasping between his groans. “I wish,” he tried, ending in a moan when Jun hit something that sent electricity down to his toes, “I wish I was wearing the collar right now.”
He heard Jun inhale sharply, retaliating by not holding back. Sho almost laughed, except that air felt trapped in his lungs with each movement.
“Imagine it. If I wore it, every time you open your eyes, you’re going to see what’s yours,” Sho grunted, meeting Jun’s frenzied movements halfway with each buck of his hips.
Jun cursed, and he reached up, fingers fumbling for the lock of the cuffs. One of Sho’s wrists got freed in its binds, dropping to the mattress before Sho’s fingers gripped the sheets tight.
“Choose,” Jun husked, mouthing wetly at the shell of his ear. “Either you touch yourself and make yourself come, or you touch me as I fuck you.”
Sho’s cock twitched at the offer, demanding friction now that Sho could give it.
The choice was easy.
Sho wrapped an arm around Jun’s back, nails digging into firm muscle as Jun drove into him. He bared his neck, letting Jun nip at his rushed pulse. He scratched and left scarlet lines when Jun lost his rhythm, making Jun hiss as he mindlessly chased after his pleasure.
“In me,” Sho choked, refusing to let Jun go. He tightened his legs around Jun’s thighs, his free hand clutching at Jun’s shoulder. “Come in me.”
“Sho,” Jun was saying, his orgasm within reach. “Sho, Sho—”
Sho held on, sighing when he felt Jun’s warm release inside him. Jun’s cock slid in and out of him a few more times as Jun rode his orgasm out, before Jun collapsed right on top of him, panting in exhaustion against his jaw.
His nails dug in Jun’s biceps when Jun reached for his cock, jerking him off in fast, sure strokes.
“Come for me,” Jun demanded breathlessly, teeth nipping at the curve of his jaw. “You’ve been so good. You’re such a good boy, come for me like a good boy.”
Sho’s body shook as his thighs tingled, cock twitching in Jun’s grip as he spilled between their bodies. His release hit his abdomen and Jun’s, but he felt so out of it, pleasantly floating someplace else.
When his high subsided, his wrists were both free and Jun was lying on his side, one hand stroking his cheek tenderly.
Despite the bone-deep exhaustion Sho could feel, he pushed himself up a bit and shut his eyes, pressing a kiss to the corner of Jun’s mouth.
Jun gripped his jaw tight, eyes searching his.
Sho froze and time seemed to have stopped—did he get carried away again?
Jun tugged his face close, and Sho squeaked in surprise when Jun bridged the gap and kissed him.
This was the first time.
On instinct, Sho reached up and grabbed what he could. Jun’s hair, Jun’s nape, the sides of Jun’s face—he just wanted to know if it was real. They’d never kissed before; Jun had never taken the initiative and Sho had stuck with the rules all this time.
He parted his lips for Jun’s tongue and moaned against Jun’s mouth, melting against the sheets as Jun kissed him thoroughly, staking a claim over this part of his body, stealing all the oxygen from his lungs.
Sho tugged Jun on top of him, meeting every kiss eagerly, enthusiastically. Jun tasted like wine and cigarettes, but each swipe of his tongue against Sho’s was a feeling Sho wasn’t used to yet, and he wanted more even if he found it difficult to breathe.
Jun broke the kiss eventually, panting against his mouth. “I’ve always wanted to kiss you.”
“Why didn’t you?” Sho asked, giving in to another kiss. “You knew I’d let you do anything you wanted to me.”
Jun’s laugh sounded better when he did it right over Sho’s overused and sore lips. “That’s precisely why I didn’t. I never kissed you because I knew you’d let me on a Saturday. I wanted to do it once I had the knowledge that you were kissing me back not because you had to, but because you wanted to.”
“I do want to,” Sho assured him, pressing his mouth against Jun’s once more. “I don’t know if I can stop.”
Jun’s chuckle was infectious. “You’re being ridiculous. Of course you can stop.”
“Not anytime soon. Kiss me.” Jun did, a rather noisy peck that had Sho wanting more. “Kiss me again.” Jun obliged, and Sho linked his arms around Jun’s nape. “Again.” They shared another, one that was longer than the previous. “And again.” Jun nipped on his bottom lip before he withdrew, but he didn’t go far, brushing his lips over Sho’s in featherlight touches. “To make up for all the times we didn’t when we both wanted to.”
Jun grabbed his shoulders and rolled to his back, and being on top, Sho was given more control. He kissed Jun the way he’d always wanted to, not caring if he could no longer distinguish Jun’s taste from the feel inside his mouth. They kept at it for a long while, until Sho had to pull away.
“My lips ache,” he complained.
Jun laughed, brushing away the hair that concealed his forehead before dropping a soft kiss there. “Then I did my job.”
Sho felt Jun’s arms looping possessively around his waist. They were both sticky, sweat cooling off their skin and on the drenched sheets, but for once, Jun didn’t seem to mind. Jun was touching his face, looking at him like there was something he hadn’t seen before.
“Next Saturday,” Jun began, and Sho hummed in question, “I want us to go to this seaside restaurant. They have your favorites: abalone, clams, oysters, scallops—you name it. We can even grill it ourselves.”
Sho couldn’t hold back his delighted smile. “Jun, that sounds like a date.”
“It is a date,” Jun said. “You can say no if you’re not ready. I’ll understand.”
Sho shook his head, burying his face in the junction of Jun’s neck and shoulder. “Why would I say no?” He kissed the beauty mark under his lips. “I want it. I want it all. I want to be with you.”
Jun held him tight, nosing his hair. “I’m sorry for that time.”
“Forgiven,” Sho said, smiling against Jun’s neck. “But only if you make good on that dinner promise.”
Jun snorted, shaking his head in amusement. “I’ll make a reservation.”
Sho said nothing, instead settling into the comfort provided by Jun’s arms around him and the bulk of Jun’s body under his. The discomfort of their coupling from earlier was easy to ignore, at least for a few moments.
“Jun?”
“Hmm?”
Sho had to swallow a lump in his throat in order to say what he’d realized. “It’s no longer Saturday.”
Jun made no move to let him go, keeping him close. “I know.”
“May I stay?” he asked, daring to hope.
Jun kissed his hair.
“You don’t have to ask.”
Sho hid his smile and pressed closer, trying to find the way his body would slot perfectly against Jun’s. He didn’t rush though; they’d always have a next time.
It was Sunday, and Sho was right where he wanted to be.
--
They shared a tub that night and watched The Godfather after their prolonged bath. Jun made popcorn and kept trying to choke Sho by shoving too much in Sho’s mouth, eyes crinkling in laughter whenever Sho coughed some popcorn bits out.
They ended up having sex on Jun’s couch as the credits rolled in, the popcorn set aside in favor of more pressing matters. Sho sat in the space between Jun’s spread legs and Jun edged him until he couldn’t take it anymore, begging through clenched teeth as Jun left another mark on the spot where his jaw met his neck.
Jun merely eyed the mess Sho made and pressed a kiss to Sho’s temple. “Go get cleaned up and ready for bed.”
It was past three in the morning by the time they retired to bed, Sho immediately finding sleep as soon as his cheek hit the newly-replaced sheets. He woke up in the afternoon of that Sunday and padded his way to the dining room to find Jun making omurice.
It wasn’t the kind of morning after (or afternoon later, whatever) that Sho had been expecting, but Jun was a welcome and wanted sight. It was something he was willing to adjust to.
Jun drove him home after a soba dinner, but Jun was only able to leave his place two hours later because Sho had been able to seduce Jun into his bed.
Over time, the Saturday schedule had been mostly abolished. He could see Jun any day of the week just by sending a quick text or a hastily typed message via LINE. Jun’s LINE ID changed from Massan to Macchan—one of the nicknames Sho jokingly gave him but it caught on, especially when Sho felt like making requests.
Only one thing remained on Saturdays. While Jun was still sexually dominant and Sho remained sexually submissive, they decided they couldn’t adapt such roles into a lifestyle and mutually agreed to save Saturday for such activities. They still had sex (lots of it, in fact) outside Saturdays, but every new thing they wanted to try was reserved for the weekend.
The collar became a frequent accessory whenever they found time with each other. Jun wasn’t into vanilla that much, and Sho discovered that the surefire way to have Jun agreeing to a quick fuck was for him to wear the collar and make his demands.
The first time he’d tried it, he had Jun riding him while Jun’s hands remained clutching at the coil of leather around his neck.
Nothing turned Jun on more than the collar, so eventually, Sho decided to keep it with him.
Overall, it hadn’t been easy. Sho had to adjust to the mindset of having Jun as a boyfriend and not just a Saturday secret, and it took him some time to be able to do so. Jun had habits that surprised Sho, owned things that had Sho looking at him disbelief. Sho couldn’t do away with his snoring and it was often a cause of complaint for Jun, who never held back in voicing out what was on his mind.
But despite that, it worked. Not smoothly, but it did. Sho remained honest, talking things out with Jun, the two of them comprising until they come to an understanding or an agreement. It wasn’t perfect, but Sho wouldn’t have it any other way.
A year into knowing each other, Jun presented to him a thin silver bangle with a simple dotted pattern for a design. Sho thought it was Jun’s nondescript way of gifting another collar to him, but Jun pulled out a matching bangle and put it on his own wrist as soon as Sho had the jewelry on.
“This is a couple bracelet,” Sho declared, enjoying the way the tips of Jun’s ears flushed pink.
“It’s a bracelet,” Jun corrected.
“But you have the same one,” Sho pointed out. “That makes it a couple bracelet.”
“You’re annoying,” Jun said, which meant that he’d conceded and Sho was right.
Sho laughed, leaning over to kiss Jun’s cheek. “Thank you. I love it.”
Jun merely inclined his head in acknowledgement.
To return the favor, Sho decided to have Jun meet Ohno and sample Ohno’s lattes. They met up for lunch in the café across the library, and Sho noticed the way Ohno’s eyes lit up at the sight of him bringing a companion.
“Are you Sho-kun’s boyfriend?” Ohno asked outright, not paying any mind to Sho’s flustered reaction.
Jun extended his hand in greeting. “Matsumoto Jun. I heard about your latte art.”
Ohno shook his hand, beaming. “Ohno Satoshi. Do you have any requests on what you’d like to see on your cup?”
“Surprise me, Ohno-san,” Jun said, returning Ohno’s smile. “Sho-san told me you have a knack for creating odd caricatures.”
“Well, I guess you’ll find out later.” Ohno faced Sho, tilting his head to the side. “The usual, Sho-kun?”
“With extra sugar,” Sho said, nodding.
Ohno excused himself with a polite bow, disappearing behind the café counter. Across Sho, Jun was observing their surroundings, resting his hands on the polished oak table.
“This is a quiet place,” Jun told him, understanding evident in his eyes. “No wonder you like it here.”
“The library is quieter,” Sho said, glancing at the direction of the old edifice for emphasis. “But sometimes, I need the smell of coffee beans instead of old books.”
Jun rested his chin over his knuckles, observing Sho now. “Only sometimes? I thought you eat lunch here frequently.”
“Well, when Satoshi-kun invites me,” Sho explained.
“I find him intriguing,” Jun said, gaze flitting to the counter where Ohno was busy preparing two lattes. “Maybe I should bring Nino here sometime.”
“Maybe,” Sho said, wondering how that would go. He’d met Nino when Jun had held a Christmas party and introduced him to the guests as his boyfriend. If Nino had any suspicions that he and Sho met months prior, he’d given no indication of it.
Ohno approached their table, carefully placing the lattes he’d worked on. Sho’s cup had a drawing of what he’d assumed to be Doraemon.
“Is this Hamtaro?” Jun asked, pointing to his cup.
“I always thought he had similar cheeks with Sho-kun,” Ohno said as a reply, and Jun cracked a smile.
“We don’t,” Sho retorted. “My cheeks are not furry.”
“For what it’s worth, I find Hamtaro cute,” Jun said, flashing Ohno a friendly smile. “Thank you.”
“Enjoy your latte. Nice meeting you,” Ohno said, giving another bow before taking his leave.
Sho was grumbling about being compared to an animated hamster when he felt something brush his leg, nearly making him jolt. Across him, Jun had his phone out and was taking photos of his latte (another addition to his instagram, perhaps), but Sho felt the unmistakable brush of a clothed toe creep up under the hem of his slacks.
“Macchan,” he said in warning.
Jun blinked in question.
“That tickles,” Sho said, hoping it will make Jun cease playing footsie with him. Their table was at the corner of the café but there was no tablecloth to hide what Jun was doing—anyone could see it provided they looked down.
Jun’s toe brushed up his shin and he let out a breath.
“Are you wearing the socks I gave you?” he asked. Whatever it was that was constantly rubbing against him, it felt fine and expensive.
“Fine silk, wouldn’t you agree?” Jun said, face breaking into an innocent, boyish smile.
Sho sighed and removed one shoe to have his toes climb up Jun’s pant leg, and he didn’t miss how Jun’s pupils dilated the moment he made contact.
They drank their lattes mostly in silence, feet still touching each other under the table. Sho fought the blush that threatened to creep up his cheeks—they were in public and one of Sho’s friends could see them.
“Say,” Sho started, licking his lips to chaste away the remnants of the espresso, “what time do you head back to the office?”
Jun glanced at his watch for show. “I still have almost thirty minutes.”
“How long is the taxi ride?”
“Eight,” Jun answered. “Why?”
Sho did the math, assuming Jun would need ten minutes to call a cab and wait for it. He had the library to himself, though it was the intern Fuma who was manning the desk in his absence.
“Assuming you need ten minutes to arrange for a taxi to take you to work, that leaves us more than fifteen minutes,” Sho said, voice dropping in pitch.
Jun grinned. “Getting ideas now, Sho-san?”
“Well, I do have to head back and go straight to the delivery storage room after this.”
“Fifteen minutes?” Jun clarified.
“How fast can you get undressed?” Sho whispered.
“My record? Thirty seconds,” Jun bragged.
Sho’s eyes widened. “You’re kidding.”
“We had a relay during one of the company’s Christmas parties. We had to lose everything save for the boxers, and it took me twenty-eight seconds to stand in that event hall in just my underwear.” Jun’s eyebrow quirked—a familiar sight. “I only need a minute to get undressed and dressed.”
“Then we have fourteen minutes,” Sho concluded, putting his shoe back on. “Would you like to see our storage room?”
Jun laughed, finishing his latte before standing up and buttoning his suit jacket. “I’d love to.”
--
Their quickie in the storage room had Jun clamping his hand over Sho’s mouth to muffle Sho’s groans. It was eleven minutes to one in the afternoon by the time Jun had finished buttoning up his dress shirt, and Sho reached over to help him with his tie to make the process faster.
“I’d like to try something this weekend,” Jun said while shrugging on his suit jacket. He still had the healthy flush brought by sex coloring his cheeks, and Sho was tempted to kiss his cheekbones.
“Okay,” Sho said before giving in and leaning forward.
“I’ll email you,” Jun promised. They were at the door, and as soon as Jun makes his leave, Sho would return to work and to cataloguing outdated serials that had been unaddressed for weeks.
Sho nodded, and Jun reached for his wrist, thumb stroking the bracelet possessively.
“Until then,” Jun said, stepping back.
Sho watched Jun go, but not before telling him the truth.
“I look forward to Saturday.”
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3/3/17 07:52 (UTC)Thank you for this lovely comment! I was really nervous about this story so getting this is a relief.